Chapter 123 Sadness
"Are you doing okay?" T.J. frowns at me where we're sitting at the gynaecologist's office for my very first appointment.
I'm not okay. This is not how I envisioned my life would go. Fuck, my parents don't even know I'm pregnant. They should be here. Miguel should be here to hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be okay.
But for once, I have to do something strong. While my family and Miguel are fighting Ben, I should do what I have to, to keep this baby safe.
There is no question in my mind that Ben would kill me without blinking twice if he had to know I was pregnant.
"I'm okay." I don't sound okay, but I will survive.
"Mrs. Green, you can come through." A friendly nurse practitioner calls me, and both T.J. and I get up.
We're pretending to be a married couple, I'm also wearing a blonde wig looking completely fucking ridiculous, but T.J. insisted. He told me to trust him, so I'm doing just that.
It's a female doctor, and she goes over all my health questions before examining me.
"Now we can call the daddy for your very first sonogram." She smiles and I want to scream that he's not the father, but I simply nod and wait for T.J. to come into the room.
"You good?" He asks again. He's been asking that a lot, and I can't blame him.
Even though this was my idea, I haven't been in the best mood.
"Everything seems to be in order." The doctor smiles. "Let's see what's going on in there."
I have a wand pushed up inside of me, and fucking tears already rolling down my face, but then the stillness of the room reverberates with a strong heartbeat, and T.J. laughs next to me.
"Strong heartbeat." The doctor confirms. " Let's measure the little one."
There's a real human inside of me. And it's tiny heart is beating. It looks like a miniature alien, but it's in there. And it's alive.
T.J. dabs my tears gently. "You're good, Madz, I'm here."
I'm still lucky. I have T.J., at least I'm not alone.
But I still crave Miguel's touch, the way he looks at me. What would he have done if he heard our baby's heart beat, if he saw him swimming on the screen?
"I will print those out for you, and since you are super healthy, I will see you next month."
The doctor extracts the wand. " And don't worry, next time the sonogram is on top of the stomach."
She winks at me before she leaves the room to give us some privacy.
"Are you sure this is what you want to do?" T.J. looks skeptical. "I'm sure we can find a way for you to be in New York without Ben knowing what's going on."
"No." I wipe my tears, sitting up. "I'm not risking my baby until Ben is no longer a threat. He's fucking crazy T.J., he killed a model just because I was photographed with him."
"If this is what you want, I'll support you."
He leaves the room, and I quickly get dressed. We pay in cash, so there is no record of card transactions. We took some money from a safe deposit in New York, and T.J. wired funds from an offshore account, paying rent for three months in a cute neighbourhood.
The house reminds me of Miguel's house on the West Coast. It's homey, and beautiful.
Miguel must be so pissed off by now. He's probably called me a thousand times. I've never wanted someone killed, but I hope he does what he said he would do, and kill Ben in a way that can't be traced back to him.
We have a house to decorate, and now even more reason to do so.
If he kills Ben, I won't let my parents dictate where I stay and what I do. I love them, but they must know that I choose Miguel and our baby above their opinions of thinking I shouldn't be with a Cargill at all.
Miguel isn't like them, and I hope they get to see that.
T.J. is a horrible cook, managing to burn the steak we bought at the supermarket on our way back from the doctor.
"Don't you cook for yourself?" I'm curious to know.
"No." He frowns. "We live in New York, there are like a million places I can get food from."
"What about breakfast and lunch?"
"On the go." He shrugs, and I start making us sandwiches instead.
"You really need a woman in your life." I joke. "Why haven't I ever seen you with a girlfriend?"
"I'm married to my job." He points at me. "Do you think my girlfriend would've liked it if I ran away with you?"
I shake my head, an idea forming in my mind. "I swear I'm finding you someone before this year is out!"