Chapter 69 Therapy Session
ALICE
Francesca didn’t come into the office all that often.
Freddie told me she had other businesses to run, and so she divided her time between all her companies because she was rarely in the country. So, I hadn’t seen her since the day we met.
The restaurant was only twenty minutes away from Ember & Ink, and it was expensive, but cozy. We sat at a small round table close to the window. I had a perfect view of the sidewalk and the streets.
It was a perfect sunny day.
“I’ve been looking forward to this little chat of ours,” Francesca proclaimed. “I had to make sure I had enough time on my schedule to meet with you. You know, with my birthday coming up, I receive too many calls. So many old friends stop by to say hello to me.”
“It must be great to have so many people around you who care about you.”
“It is,” she smiles. “How about you? Do you have friends in the city? Does your family live nearby?”
“No, I don’t have as many friends. And my parents aren’t from here, no.”
Francesca nods. “You’re a long way from home, then.”
“I knew I’d have bigger opportunities here than anywhere else, so I took a leap of faith.”
“And here you are.”
I smiled. “Here I am.”
A waitress took our orders and returned minutes later with our drinks. I was having water, and Francesca asked for a glass of wine.
When we were alone again, Francesca told me, “I have to say, I’m intrigued by you, Alice. I want to know more about you if you’re comfortable with that, of course.”
“I am.”
“What do you want from life? What are your long-term goals?”
“Well, all I’ve ever truly wanted was a stable job and an opportunity for me to show my true potential. Right now, I feel like I have everything I need. I have a challenging job that I learn from every day. I’m right where I want to be.”
“What about your family? Do you see them often?”
“Not often, no. But we always talk.”
“How about marriage? What happens to your professional life when you meet the right one?”
“I’ll probably keep working. Right now, I don’t have anyone.”
“I can’t believe that!” she exclaimed. “A gorgeous girl like you? Don't you ever get lonely?”
“Oh, I’m fine.”
Francesca tilted her head to the side and for a moment, it felt like she could see right through this mask I put on for her.
I couldn’t talk about my family without thinking about Theo, and I felt sad and maybe even a little empty right on the spot.
“Are you really? You don’t have to be afraid of telling me what you feel. As I’ve said before, we at Ember & Ink are a family, and my ultimate goal is to be someone you can open up to. I sense that you’re sad about something, Alice. Am I wrong?”
When was the last time I opened up to someone about how I truly felt? I couldn’t even remember. There were certain things I could never tell my parents about, and I stopped talking to Emma ages ago. She was the one who knew almost everything about me. That snake.
Francesca was looking at me with so much tenderness in her eyes that I slipped and told her everything that I kept bottled up inside of me. I made sure to leave out names and specific details, but I told her.
“A few months ago, I was engaged, and it ended terribly.”
“This comes as a surprise to me! Who would ever dream of leaving you?”
I flushed, but continued. “My best friend betrayed me. It’s a complicated story and I won’t bore you with all the childish details. But I was caught in an embarrassing situation with another man, who I thought was my fiancé. I know how it sounds.” I was already regretting saying all this shit and tried to repair it. “It’s not even all that relevant to the story, because my fiancé wasn’t the man I thought he was. I guess that’s why I’m focused on my career right now, and not necessarily on starting a family.”
Francesca nodded slowly. “What about the other man? Who was he? Is he still in the picture?”
I scratched my forearm. How could I even begin? “No, he’s not in the picture anymore.”
Francesca narrowed her eyes at me and smiled. “But he was?”
“For a time, yes,” I admitted. My heart felt heavier in my chest. I lowered my gaze and went straight for the glass of water.
I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t talk about him.
“You were hurt,” Francesca whispered. She reached across the table and grabbed my hand. My eyes burned with tears but I refused to let them fall. “Oh, my darling. I feel so terrible for you. He must’ve been a monster.”
I wasn’t sure why, but I jumped to Theo’s defense. “I wouldn’t say he was a monster, not toward the end. In the beginning, yes. I found him so arrogant and conceited and I hated him. He couldn’t seem to understand that I wasn’t in the right state of mind to pursue any relationship with anyone. I was heartbroken and upset, and I blamed him for what had happened. Heck, I felt ashamed too, you know? But then we spent too much time together. We were in a…thinking back to it now, it was a pretty dangerous situation, and we were forced to rely on each other to stay alive. And then, from there, nothing made sense.”
“Why is that?”
I took a deep breath. The truth spilled out of me so easily that it astonished me. “Because I wasn't sure if I fell for him or not. I hated him. At least, I thought I did. The truth is that I've always been very proud, and it was clear to me that he wanted to buy me at first and that threw me way off. I became convinced that it was all he wanted, even when he showed otherwise later on. I was so heartbroken. I'd been betrayed by the only two people in my life. Those days were a mess, come to think of it. He didn’t make things easier for me But…But then he took care of me. He tried to show up for me. He defended me. He—”
I had to stop right there. I couldn’t dare to continue. All those memories returned to me. How he kept me warm. How he cooked for me when I felt like I was falling completely apart. He was worried I didn’t have food. He tried his best to keep me close to him. Raised my salary. Refused to let me go. Helped me reach my parents on time. Paid the medical bill that would’ve put me in serious debt. He was at home in a place that meant so much to me. He didn’t judge it at all.
And I was too scared, so I ignored all this and left anyway. I ignored my feelings. His.
I wasn’t used to that kind of affection. Benjamin and I were so detached. He had his place, and I had mine. We met when we had time. We had a good relationship, but he’d been my first, so maybe that didn’t count.
But that wasn’t the point.
“Why did you think he wasn't being genuine later on?” Francesca asked.
I looked up and suddenly remembered where I was. Embarrassment washed over me. I definitely said way too much. More than I should have.
But I had to finish, right? So, I cleared my throat and said in all honesty, “Right now, I have no idea. I guess I was scared, even though I didn't realize it. He's engaged now. So, it's done.”
Francesca patted my hand. The look in her eyes was genuine and made me feel a lot better about telling her all this stuff. “From woman to woman, sometimes, what's yours is meant for you, and nothing can take it away. So, I wouldn’t worry too much. Okay? You did what was right for you at the time. You’re a strong woman, Alice.”
I smiled. “Thank you.”
Although I felt silly for being so painfully honest, I couldn’t deny that I felt better.
I needed a shrink. Maybe that would be the solution to all my problems.