Chapter 47 Conclusions
ALICE
Since we left Benjamin's side, my jerk of a boss hadn't said a word to me.
Not one.
Naturally, I was overthinking everything and wondering what the hell he could've heard that seemed to turn him to stone.
Should I have wasted more time caring about this? No. But I couldn't stop myself from worrying anyway. First, I felt embarrassed, then, I got insanely pissed off.
He was the one who listened to a conversation that didn't concern him! Why did I feel so bad about it?
The conference went right over my head. I didn't even take notes. I wasn't in the right state for anything, especially after the humiliating encounter with his mother and the jerk whose phone I broke.
If I could, I'd walk out the door, call a cab, and go home.
But I didn't do that, and the whole day just passed me by. By the time we left the hotel, the sky was purple, and when we reached the office, it was already nighttime.
It was the longest, most unnerving day of my entire existence.
We were forced to ride the elevator to our floor together. I had to grab a few things I left behind, so I couldn't leave right away. I hated how I kept looking at him from the corner of my eye.
I should've ignored him and gone on with mine. Hell, this was what I'd always wanted. Silence. Peace. For things to go back to the way they were before Emma ruined my life. Yet, I found his silence unnerving. I was questioning everything. And of course, one thing became clear to me.
I cared. More than I would ever admit out loud.
He went into his office without looking back at me and I went into mine. I was determined to stay inside until he left and went home. God, I was so infuriated by his childishness. What was his deal, anyway? Was it that he finally understood what truly happened that night? He thought I was playing some filthy game, but it turned out that I'd been set up.
That was it, wasn't it?
I sat behind my desk for the longest time. I couldn't hear anything beyond my door, so that was a good thing. Surely he wouldn't take too long though, right?
When about ten minutes had passed, and I knew because I was checking the time nonstop, I grabbed my things and headed downstairs. His office was closed. I had no idea if he was still inside or whether he left. Whatever. It didn't matter.
I stepped out into the cold, and that was when I saw him.
He was leaning against my car, ankles crossed and hands shoved deep inside the pockets of his trench coat. The way he was looking at me disarmed me.
What the hell was going on? What was he doing?
I approached slowly, frowning. His gaze followed me. I realized that if I didn't break the silence, he wouldn't either.
He was standing close to my car. How long would we stand out here in the cold, staring at each other like two dogs ready to go at each other's throats?
I couldn't stop myself from scoffing. "Can I help you?"
"We need to talk."
"Can't it wait until tomorrow? It's getting late and I really want to go home."
He pushed himself off the car and approached me. It took everything for me not to take a step back. "You know exactly what I'm referring to, but you love playing dumb when you're the complete opposite."
I feigned shock when, in truth, I was damn scared of where this conversation was headed. He meant business. I could hear it in his no-nonsense tone. "Are you calling me dumb?"
"This is a perfect example of what I mean."
My jaw fell open, then I turned my head to the side and said, "Okay. Fine. You heard some things—"
"I heard everything."
I pressed my lips together. It was one of those moments when I needed my wits about me but, unfortunately, my brain was shutting down. I threw my arms in the air, already losing my patience. "So, what? I've been trying to tell you all this for weeks and you wouldn't listen. You seemed convinced that I set the whole thing up and did it on purpose!"
He frowned and his thick, dark brows drew together. His jaw became sharper, and his eyes...I should not be focusing on how he looked right now. What was wrong with me? "When you do and say one thing then act another way, it's hard for me to figure out whether or not you're lying, Miss Rhodes. You've never been straight with me. You keep the truth from me all the time!"
"What truth?" I asked hysterically. "There's no truth to any of this! We made out in my office on New Year's and that was the end of it! It was a mistake?"
He tilted his head to the side, getting angrier with each passing minute. "What about Helsinki?"
I parted my lips to defend myself, but I couldn't lie. That would prove his point. Instead, I opted for the truth. "It was a mistake. One I tried to correct, but you didn't let me. I didn't want to keep working for you after that. I knew it'd be awkward. I didn't want you to look at me and expect anything else."
He ran a gloved hand down his face. I watched him with a growing sense of despair that I couldn't place. What now? Where would we go from here now that everything had become so clear and it was all out in the open?
"Am I harassing you?" he finally asked. "Be honest."
"I am being honest."
He gave me a pointed look. "I need you to be super honest because it's important. Do you want to go your own separate way? Was I completely wrong in assuming you were attracted to me?"
The answer should've been as clear as day and I should've felt relieved at the finality I was hearing in his tone. This was it. If I told him yes, he was wrong about everything, then I'd finally have that peace I craved so much.
The words were caught in my throat because the brutal truth was that they wouldn't be altogether the truth.
But just because I was attracted to him didn't mean I wanted to act on it. Some attractions made no sense and had to be kept at arm's length. What good ever came from banging your boss? Sure, a salary increase. Some benefits. Good sex, even. But then what? What was the long-term plan supposed to look like?
I'd be a fool to ever think that such a relationship would be more than physical, and that never appealed to me.
All my life, I'd looked for the real thing. I thought I found it in Benjamin, but he ended up being a weak-willed little bitch.
And Theodore Linden-Hawthorne? He was trouble.
I knew it. Deep in my bones.
I never had a chance to say all this because my phone started ringing, and I automatically reached for it, maybe as a chance to withdraw from this absolutely shitty situation.
It was Mom.
She never called at this time.
I answered the phone, brow furrowed, and the first thing I heard was her desperate cries. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach in the same second.
"Mom!? What is it!? Mom...what happened!?"
"Your father," she sobbed. "He's in the hospital. He had a stroke!"