Chapter 94 I'm leaving

Chapter 94 I'm leaving
Kicking my shaky legs into action, I make my way through the empty early morning lobby, and straight into the waiting lift to take me up to Natte.

He’ll probably be still sleeping, so I’ll have to wake him because I don’t want to wait any longer for us to talk this through.

I put the key card in and press the button for the twelfth floor, to take me up to the Presidential Suite where we’re staying.

The lift starts to ascend, and I stand here hands knotted in front of me, stomach turning over, as I jig my leg on the spot. And I’m reminded of the time I was riding the lift going to do his interview, those few short months ago.

So much has happened since then.

The lift stops and the doors ping open.

I instantly know something is wrong the second I step out onto the landing.

There are bottles of alcohol laid discarded on the floor, cigarette butts trodden into the carpet, and what looks to be a woman’s top there too.

Going over to it, I bend down and pick it up. It’s red with the word ’Hussy’ wrote in the black on the front.

My stomach drops hollow.

I don’t want to go in there. I don’t want to see what’s behind the door.

But I have to, I know.Taking a deep breath in through my nose, I carefully push my key card in. I hear the little beep and the click of the lock opening, and very quietly, I push the door open.

The place is a mess.

Littered with bottles of booze, sleeping bodies, some clothed, some not.

The whole place absolutely reeks of sweat, booze and cigarettes.

Natte had a party.

We had a fight. I spent the whole night worrying over him. And he had a party.

The knowledge makes me feel sick.

Obviously me leaving him meant nothing to him at all.

Maybe he’s been waiting for me to go all along. Maybe this is what he’s wanted for a while now.

I guess this was the wake for the funeral of our relationship. Or celebration, depending on which way you look at it.

This is Natte. He’s a rock star who parties, takes drugs and sleeps with women.

He’s not a relationship kind of guy. I was just

foolish enough to make myself believe for a little while he was because I wanted him so badly.

Natte stirs from his sleep the second the door creaks open.

Even through the haze of high alcohol and whatever else he shoved into his system last night, he pretty much looks like he knows what is going on.

His eyes drag open slowly, and I can see how pain is splitting through his skull from the hangover.

Standing there, I just don't know what I can do. I'm just standing.

Still and silent.

Looking at him like I’ve never looked at him before.

“Shia,” he calls my name with his rough, wrecked voice.

The sheet on the bed slides slightly, revealing his magnificent bare skin, and he jerks upright instinctively, grabbing at it. There’s a girl half-draped beside him, barely conscious, and he shoves her away without another thought.

I don’t say anything at his actions. I just shake my head slowly,

like I can’t even process what I’m seeing.

Then I turn to leave.

I can’t stay here anymore. Everything between us has already been destroyed. I physically can’t.

“Shia, wait.”

There’s panic now in his voice as he calls out to me.
He scrambles out of the bed, grabbing the nearest thing he can find. A bathrobe off the back of a chair is what he gets, urgently dragging it around himself as he moves fast, stumbling over the other girls’ bodies and bottles of expensive alcoholic drinks.

“Shia!”

His hand is quick to catch mine, catches my arm just as I reach the door.
I flinch, and the next second I don’t know—I’m shouting at him.

“Don’t touch me.” My voice is quiet now.

I wrench my arm from his grip, shaking his hand off me.

“Shia, just listen.”

“Listen?” I let out a hollow laugh, turning to face him.

My eyes are glassy, tears are forming, and I’m sure I can break down at any moment, but I can’t do that—not in the presence of the women in this room who have started to register what’s going on.

“What exactly do you want me to listen to, Natte?” I gesture around wildly. “This? You want to explain this to me?"

“It’s not what you think,” he says quickly, running a hand through his hair, pacing once like he doesn’t even know where to start.

I stare at him.

“You had a party last night.” My voice cracks, but I push through it. “We had a fight. I spent the whole night worrying about you, walking the streets like an idiot, thinking you were destroying yourself somewhere alone, you old man…”

I want to regret calling him old, but no—maybe his age is taking over his reasoning, but not drugs.

“And you were here.”

I swallow hard, tears streaming down my cheeks.

“With them.”
I point at one who is dressing up with no care at all.

“They mean nothing,” he snaps suddenly, defensive and angry. “It was just a party, Shia. It didn’t mean anything.”

“Exactly.” I nod slowly, tears slipping down my face now. “That’s exactly the problem.”

Another girl nearby shifts, grabbing clothes, clearly trying to leave without being noticed.

Then another.

And another.

The room starts to empty as the five females I found in his room leave.

“I left,” I continue, my voice breaking, “and instead of coming after me, instead of even caring, you did this.”

“I didn’t know where you were!” he fires back. “You walked out!”

“Because you chose drugs over me!” I shout, the emotion finally ripping free. “You told me to leave, Natte!”

“I didn’t mean it,” he mutters, but it sounds weak. Even to him, he knows he's destroyed the special bond we have.

“No,” I whisper. “You did.”

He steps closer, trying to hug me, but the moment I see a hickey on his chest I step back.

I step back.

That hurts him, and I clearly see it.

But I can’t help it.

“I came back,” I say, my voice trembling. “I came back to fix things. I was ready to fight for you, for us.”

I shake my head again, a trembling laugh escaping me.

“But clearly there’s nothing left to fight for.”

“That’s not true,” he says quickly, desperation in his voice hitting me painfully again. “Shia, don’t do this. Don’t walk away.”

I look at him.

Really look at him for a while. I see Pine, then the next second I just see Natte.

This man in front of me is Natte but not Pine. Pine will never treat me like this.

This stranger wearing the face of the person I love.

“I already lost you,” I whisper. “I just didn’t want to admit it.”

“I can fix this,” he says, running his hands through his hair, pacing again. “I’ll stop. I swear. I’ll—”

“Don’t,” I cut in sharply.

He stops talking, waiting for me to go on.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean just to keep me here.”

“I do mean it!”

“No, you don’t!” My voice rises again. “Because if you did, you wouldn’t have done this in the first place!”

He flinches, and it makes me feel a little bit good,
because I’m hurting.

And I need him to feel even a fraction of it.

I take a shaky breath, trying to steady myself.

“There’s something else,” I say.

He looks at me, confused, maybe expecting good news of me staying.

“What?”

I hesitate for a second before delivering the news.

“By the way, that kid called Steve.”

His brows pull together.

“What kid?”

“The one you’ve been avoiding. The one you don’t want to face.” My voice turns sharper. “I asked Steve to arrange a meeting for you two.”

His entire body goes still, and I see his hands shaking.

“You what?”

“You heard me.”

“You had no right.”

“No right?” I laugh at his face. “I had every right! Someone has to care enough to try and fix what you’re too busy destroying!”

“You don’t get to interfere in my life like that!”

“And you don’t get to destroy ours!” I shoot back.

I wipe my face roughly with my sleeve, stepping back toward the door.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I say, my voice barely holding together. “This… us… it’s not working.”

“Shia!”

“I’m going to the airport.”

“Don’t go,” he says, in a softer tone now. “Please.”

I close my eyes for a second, waiting for him to at least hug me from behind before I leave.