Chapter 46 Sit up Natte
It feels like he’s making love to me.
I know it’s stupid, because Natte doesn’t do love.
But for this moment, I want to believe it. I want to believe his words. I want to believe that it’s always been me.
Because if I’m throwing everything I have away with Pine for this moment, then I need to believe it’s worth it.
Natte takes hold of my hand, entwining our fingers, he rests them beside my head on the pillow, his other cupping my face, he kisses me, his pace picking up, moving further inside me, and now I’m used to his size, I let him, needing this and more.
“Fuck,” he groans. “This is ... Shia … you feel … fuccckk.”
I move my mouth from his, kissing his jaw, nipping his skin with my teeth. Knowing that I’m doing this to him, making him feel this way, makes me feel hot, sexy and uninhibited.
So totally unlike me.
And I surprise myself, when I hear the words escaping my husky sounding mouth, “Sit up, Natte.”
A brief pause while he meets my eyes.
Understanding what I want, Natte puts his arm under my back, lifting me with him, staying inside me, he sits back onto his heels with me straddling him.
With my hair damp and flowing down my back, I place my hands on his shoulders. Very slowly, I start to move up and down on his length. In this position I can have as much or as little of Natte as I want, and I want all of him.
His hands are on my hips, moving with me. Then they’re on my breasts, then upwards tangling into my hair and he’s pulling my face to his, kissing me again.
It’s like he doesn’t know which part of me he wants to touch the most.
And I like that he’s this out of control over me.
I start to move faster and faster, and before I know it I feel the build inside me, so soon and so intense, I couldn’t hold off even if I wanted to.
“Oh, Natte,” I groan as I come forcefully, like I’ve never come before, exploding all around him.
While I’m coming, Natte drives me back into the bed, and starts to fuck me hard, then he’s tensing, rigid, calling out my name.
We lay, panting breathless for minutes after, both coming down from our high.
Natte moves off me, lying beside me, he takes his condom off, tying a knot in the end, he drops it to the floor and pulls me into his arms.
“That was amazing,” he murmurs, kissing my hair. “I wish we’d done this three years ago just after you turned nineteen.”
I can’t find the words to speak.
Because he’s right, we should have done this years ago, before he left. Pre Pine.
Guilt washes over me like a tidal wave, taking everything with it.
But then if we had, had sex all those years ago, he would have ruined me, because I would have never recovered from it. I would have never recovered from him.
Because I know unequivocally I’ll never recover from this, from what we’ve just done.
Where the hell is that music coming from?
Crap, my phone’s ringing and it’s in my bag in the living room.
I untangle myself from a very naked Natte, and make a dash for my bag.
Grabbing it off the sofa I rip it open, retrieve my phone and answer without looking at the caller display.
“Hello,” I say breathless.
“Why are you out of breath?”
Vicky.
“Because I was in bed and my phone was in the living room.”
“And were you in bed with Natte?”
What?!
“What?”
“Natte – is it true?” she asks with a conspiratorial tone to her voice.
I look around the room suspiciously. I’m half expecting her to jump out on me any second now.
“Is what true about Natte?” My voice trembles slightly, and I curse it.
“Shiv, stop evading – is it, or is it not true that you and Natte are sleeping together?”
My heart stops in my chest. No beating, no nothing. I think I may actually be dead right now. And it would so serve me right if I was.
“No!” I exclaim, coming back to life. “Why would you ask that?” I try to keep my voice steady, but it did wobble a little again, I’m just hoping she didn’t notice.
“You so are!”
“No. I’m not.” I put my best ‘I’m not fucking kidding’ voice on.
I hear Natte move in bed. I spin on the spot looking at him through the open door.
Guilt stains all over me in this moment, as I look on at the very evidence of my betrayal of Pine, before me.
So not only do I cheat, I also lie about cheating.
I hate to lie to Vicky, but I can’t exactly tell her the truth. Pine has to be the one to be told first. And honestly, I haven’t even had a chance to sort it all through in my own mind quite yet as to how that’s going to unfold.
Then I look down at myself and realise I’m completely naked.
“Shiv? Are you still there?” Vicky sounds a little concerned.
“Um … yeah. Just give me a sec,” I mutter.
Removing my phone from my ear, I keep it in my hand and tiptoe back into the bedroom. I pick up the first item of clothing I find, which happens to be Natte’s stinky T-shirt from last night, and pull it on.
But it doesn’t smell so stinky anymore. It just smells of Natte. It pains and pleases me at the same time.
Silently, I walk back through to the living room, closing the door quietly behind me. I sit down on the edge of the coffee table facing the closed bedroom door.
“Okay, I’m back,” I say.
“All okay?” Vicky asks, she still sounds concerned. And I feel sick.
“Yeah, I just needed a drink of water, was feeling a little dry … so why on earth do you think I’m sleeping with Natte?”
“Because it’s splashed all over the internet, my darling,” she says softly. “Pictures of you dancing up close and personal in a club with Natte, then there’s shots of him carrying you into a hotel.”
Oh, fuck.
We were followed here by the paps.
Her words are thudding around my head, chasing on the tails of many, many other questions and fears I have.
How did I not even notice we were being photographed in the club, or at the hotel?
Because I was too wrapped up in Natte.
Why would they be so interested in Natte with me? It’s not unusual for Natte to be seen with a woman.
“They know who you are, my darling,” she continues as if reading my mind. “That you’re doing his interview, your name is in the article.”
Okay, so maybe there’s my answer why they’re so interested. Natte is sleeping with his interviewer. That’s going to pique a little interest for the dirt-dishers.
“What else does it say?” I ask in a small voice.
“That Natte serenaded you at the show they were recording last night.”
“Oh,” I sigh.
“So that’s true?”
“Ahum.”
“Which song?”
“Within reach.”
“Oh,” she says.
Yes, oh, indeed.
“Okay, it also says here that he said you are the love of his life right before he serenaded you.”
“He never said that!” I cry.
I cover my hand with my mouth, realising how loud I was. I don’t want to wake Natte.
“He never said that I’m the love of his life,” I repeat in a quieter voice.