We were quiet while in the car. I know that it’s not okay yet. I don’t think it will be okay soon. I don’t expect it will be okay in a short period of time but it’s fine. I know what I'm going to face and I'm ready for whatever it is.
I feel like we were both thinking about what happened until we got to the place where we first met. At Sebastian’s coffee shop. This is where I first saw him before.
He took his key and went downstairs. I waited for him to open it for me and when I got out of the car, he touched my hand again. He held it tightly.
The shop was quiet when we entered. The smell of coffee greeted us and I immediately felt my mood calm down. We sat in my usual seat. I don’t know how he knew that. Now, it's just the two of us again. Hold my hand tightly. I looked at him.
The swell of his smooth male muscle is reflected on his white t-shirt. I thought. I feel like even though he is holding my hand tightly, he is still far away. Like he’s someone so impossible for me… yet, he’s mine.
"Are you okay?" He asked me after a long silence.
I nodded and smiled. He watched my expression. I seem to be looking for a reason to see and say I'm just lying, but I'm really okay.
"I'm fine, Levi," I said while looking all around us. “I’m not expecting anything. I'm fine, your daddy is fine and he hasn't made a fuss before.”
He pulled me closer to him. He crouched to taste my lips slowly. I can feel the heat on my cheek. It seemed as if in a flash I was shot by the sensation of his kiss and my eyes immediately widened. I am immediately melting on his arms.
Some time later, our coffee order arrived and pastry. I was looking for Sebastian but a barista said he had left. Maybe he and Rafaella are still together in their province.
When I turned to look outside, I was surprised when it suddenly rained. My mind drifted to what happened here years ago. When I first saw him. It was soaking wet with rain and there seemed to be an enemy on the phone. I wonder who he was talking to that night. Was it Mari? Or Hoseah?
“This is where I first saw you,” He uttered.
Levi turned to me. I smiled because of what he said. This is also where I first saw him. It was raining heavy and I was thinking of my new inspiration for my new story. I never thought he would be the inspiration I was looking for.
“It was raining heavy and I was talking to someone that night. I saw you looking at me,” he told me with a smile so I laughed.
Well, it’s true. He captivated my heart many times. I do not know why.
"I will not refuse," I told him and laughed.
I sipped on my coffee and look at him again. I smiled bitterly. He looked at me with serious and pained eyes. I can only imagine how he entered my whole world without me noticing it. All of a sudden. The speed of events.
“Thank you for giving me our Asteria because if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be with you for a long time now. I would have given up a long time ago.”
I looked down when I realized that I had left him for a very superficial reason. I took his daughter away from him without him knowing, but I have no regrets. Because if I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have been stable. Without it, I won’t be the Astraea I am today.
“I know and I’m sorry, Lumiere,” he whispered. “I think of you so many times when you left me that night. You really think I didn’t care about you and your situation?”
I took a deep breath.
"You were all I think about."
His rough hand gently stroke my cheek and then cupped my chin. It took a moment of peace before he spoke again.
"I know everything that happened to you except about Ria. That even though I really want to follow you wherever you are, I forced myself not to just because I know you need to. I’m sure you still end up with me in the end so I’m not too worried,” he said meaningfully to me so I was pissed.
He can still really insert his arrogance.
“If you want to go somewhere far away from here, we will. We’ll fix everything and our wedding. No matter what happens, I will only marry you.”
"R-really?" I asked him, sounding so stupid.
He smiled and nodded at me.
I quickly hugged him tightly. He had no idea how he had ever relieved me. He is really all I need. He alone and no one else.
I don’t know how many minutes had passed as we both looked outside. I could feel the cold all over my body because it was accompanied by heavy rain outside. I feel, now that I know everything is fine, I can feel more secure.
My new beliefs taught me many other important things in life. It thought me acceptance and letting go. That we will all strive to reach all our dreams but will eventually give up and give up. Sometimes life has a better plan for us, better than what we think we deserve.
It taught me of forgiveness. It taught me how to ask for forgiveness. It is a humbling experience that I so want to do one day, to all the people I have wronged especially to his parents.
And above all, it taught me to forgive. Not only to forgive those who have wronged me, but also myself. Because if I don’t start with myself, I can’t do it with others and I can’t move forward.
The rain got heavier. I closed my eyes and rested my head on Levi’s chest. I heard the slow but strong beating of his heart. Levi pulled me closed and hugged me sideways while still looking outside.
“Let’s rest,” I told him.
He turned to me. The worry in his eyes is evident. I smiled to assure him that I am fine.
"Are you tired?" He asked.
"Quite, but we need to pick up Ria later."
He nodded. "Mom and dad want to see her, do you?" He asked.
I was stunned for a moment but later nodded as well.
“Asteria is their granddaughter. I understand your mother if she suspects that Ria may not be her real granddaughter,” I whispered to him. "I'm sure, she'll be safe there," I added.
I felt him caress my shoulder. Next was his kiss on my senses so I just closed my eyes.
The strange happiness I am feeling right now is so satisfying that even thinking correctly I cannot do. This is what Levi effect on me. Not casually but he wouldn’t know that either because I knew he would just tease me about it.
We stayed there for a while before deciding to sail to his house first because he said he would change. When we got there, I just followed him until we got to his room.
I've been here a few times but I still can't ask him what's on my mind. When he came out of his walk-in closet, I stood up.
"Have Mari and Hoseah been here yet?" I asked him. He was obviously surprised by my question.
"Why?" He asked.
I averted my eyes from him.
“I was just wondering, did you bring them here too? In that case, we cannot live here,” I told him directly.
He glanced at me. His ‘eyes’ were stuck but smiling.
"Why, Rae?"
I was blown away because he called me. I don't want to admit to him that I don't want him to call me that. He trained me so I don't like that anymore. Unless someone else calls me.
"I can't live here with the memories of your exes—"
I almost froze when he quickly pulled me towards him as if he had run out of patience. He wrapped his arm around my waist and looked at me intently.
"I'll build a house for us right away if you don't want it, Rae," he said proudly to me so I rolled my eyes.
“Stop calling me Rae,” I uttered.
I grabbed his arm.
"Do you want me to moan your name?" He whispered.
My hair stood on end at what he said. My earlier resentment was gone and replaced by weakness. I sniffed and averted my eyes from him as his body pressed against mine. I couldn’t look at him but I could feel the anticipation of my answer in his eyes.
“Just tell me, baby. I will do that endlessly,” he also added that gives shiver to me.
I sighed heavily and looked at him. His eyes began to bulge so I blushed.
"We're still going to get your daughter," I told him with a laugh and pushed his face away from me.
I heard him swear so I laughed even more. He doesn’t have any idea how I was resisting myself to give in to him again. Not this time but if he forces me, it's okay. Even though I still have in mind the two exes he brought here.