My eyes widened because of what he said. Suddenly, my ear tingled and I felt the sudden weakness of my knee.
"W-what?" I asked him stuttering, unable to believe what he said.
“I was really trying my best to pursue you, apologies for what happened to us, and thinking of not giving up but he told me you would come with him! Do you think I can forget that right away? I carried it for years, Rae!” He grieved.
His face is full of frustration and pain. I suddenly saw the tears in his eyes which made me gasp. I don’t know what to do first or what to think first. How he feels now or what Jaxon did. I didn’t know how to react so I kept staring at him.
“I still fucking carry that to this day and now, you came back as if nothing happened? You will deny all—”
“Because that’s the truth, Levi! What makes you think I can do such things with your cousin? I’m not that kind of woman,” I firmly said to him, cutting him off.
I vigorously wiped away the tears I was unaware of running from my eyes.
“F-fuck it...” I whispered as I was trying to calm myself.
"I don't know what kind of news you got but if you really know me, you'll believe me better than rumors!" I almost shouted at him in fear that my daughter might wake up.
“You suddenly disappeared, Rae. What do you want me to think—”
“I walked away because I can’t accept that you repeatedly ignored me just for the sake of another woman. How many times have I told you I needed you but you wouldn't let me! I fucking waited for you! I've waited so many fucking times for you but you didn't even come! Oh... my god.”
I gasped for air trying to hold back my sobs but I was failing all over again. I felt the weakness of my knee so I let myself sit down.
Simultaneously with the pouring of the heavy rain was the pouring of various emotions all over my being. At that moment everything that had happened came back to my mind one after another so I let myself cry because I had wanted to do that for a long time.
For the past five years, I didn’t get a chance to cry like this because I don’t want to be weak. I tried to be strong to take all the weight but it choked me to death. I didn't realize that it was too much and needed to release it. I didn't know that all the resentment that everyone had given me had accumulated and needed to be released.
“I... I’m sorry. Sorry, Rae. I don’t know... I’m sorry,” Levi uttered and gave me a tight hug.
I let him hug me tightly and at that moment I felt even more triggered. I don't know for what reason but I feel like I miss him so much. His hug hasn’t changed at all. It's still the same. It can still calm me down and let go of my system at the same time.
“Stop crying... baby, please. I’m so sorry for everything. I fucked up, big time and I’m so sorry for that,” he whispered to me while repeatedly kissing my head.
I still wanted to take advantage of that opportunity but I never let myself down. I quickly wiped away my tears and parted from him. I could even see the shock in his eyes so I avoided looking at him.
“T-this is wrong. I... don’t want to ruin your marriage. I’m sorry,” I told him and immediately left him there.
I even heard his call but I quickly walked into my daughter's bedroom and locked it in. I calmed myself down a few times before sitting next to my daughter who was still asleep to this time. As much as I wanted to cherish those moments, I don't want to ruin his relationship with Mari. I'm not a home wrecker.
-
~ Your clothes are dry, put them in paper bags. Go home and rest, Levi. Forget what happened last night. ~
I left a note on the kitchen counter where his things were and quickly left the condo with Ria before he woke up. He can't see my daughter so as much as possible, I'm just going to adjust right now. Why did they even take that man here?
"Did you sleep well, love?" I asked Ria who quietly eat pancakes.
I decided to take her to a fast food restaurant just to eat breakfast there. It's a good thing because it's just a walking distance from my condo unit. The heavy rain stopped before we go outside earlier.
"Yes. I had a dream. It's a beautiful dream, mommy," she innocently answered me with her big smile.
"What's that?"
" ... Dad finally got home," she said joyfully full of hope.
I swallowed a few times because of what I heard. I quickly drink my water because I felt like someone was choking me suddenly. Yes, Asteria. Your father came home last night.
"When he will be home, mommy? Where is he?" she asked again and my world almost collapsed.
I began to find a good answer to her questions. I couldn't lie to her but I didn't even know if I could tell her the truth about her dad. Oh, my Asteria Lorraine...
I cleared my throat and looked at her again, waiting for my answer. I thought for a moment before smiling through the horror.
"He's far away, love. I don't know where it really is but I'm sure, he'll be home. Are you waiting for him?" I asked her, which made her nod and continue eating.
"I'm waiting for him every day, mommy. I really wanna see him," she replied with a shrug over her shoulder.
I've taken a breath of tears and just continue eating.
When I thought we could go back, I invited Ria back to the condo. Right after she went to the living room, Jaxon suddenly appeared in front of me. All of a sudden, I kept remembering Levi's words to me. My instinct is right. He has something to do with everything.
"Do you have work today? I'll take you to your office—"
"I don't want to," I simply said to him.
His forehead furrowed and averted his gaze from me.
"Why? Is there anything wrong?"
"Tell me, Jaxon. Is it true that you told Levi at the time that we had a relationship and something had happened between us?" I asked him finally.
I saw him quickly avert his eyes from me and from that moment, I knew it. I smiled bitterly and left him there. Oh, wow...