“Can I ask a serious question?” I asked Yerim when I first headed to our room. I found her there busy arranging their belongings. Rafa isn't here.
I lazily sat down next to her. “What is it? And what's with that expression?” she said.
I heaved a sigh and then look at her. "Do I really look like an old woman?"
The first thing I heard was her laugh. The second was her clap. Yes, she is laughing while clapping, so I am even more irritated.
"Nevermind," I told her angrily and then sprang to her feet.
I took my suitcase and slammed it open to take out my clothes.
I shouldn't have asked because the answer was obvious. I just don't understand that guy. When he said that he suddenly left, running. After insulting me he left me in the air. Is he okay?
“What kind of question is that? Of course, you are!” Yerim's teasing answer so I was stunned.
"Stop, just forget it."
“Don’t get me wrong, ha. I used to tell you that you were too late when it came to your clothes. Not because you are comfortable, you will not change. Just try to change a little bit, you won't lose anything,” she preached to me while shaking.
I put my clothes one by one in the empty drawer there while listening to what she was saying.
“This is what I am, Yerim. I don't have to change just for the sake of others— ”
“No, uh uh. You don't need to change for other people, Rae. That's for yourself. You need to allow yourself to grow.”
That was the last thing she told me before she left me for dinner. I said I was just next so she let me go.
She's right. Everybody's allowed to grow. I just don’t know why I’m still like this to this day. Since Dad's death, I haven't been able to move forward. I was so busy providing for the needs of my family, especially my brother’s education. I got busy with the things I had to do because that’s what they needed from me, which I didn’t complain about because I was happy with what I was doing. Maybe, I suddenly forgot myself. With so much difficulty moving forward, I suddenly forgot to take care of myself.
The night passed without me still coming out of our room. I just stared at the clothes Yerim had chosen for me. Wondering if I’m ready to wear those kinds of clothes. Wondering why I'm suddenly like this, a stranger just told me. Now, I suddenly cared about how I looked.
A few minutes later I decided to switch. I chose those denim shorts and a black t-shirt that hugged my body when I wore them. I even winced when I saw myself in the mirror. I glanced at my appearance from head to toe. I suddenly smiled. It feels great. Only now have I been able to wear shorts and this t-shirt. I didn't think it would fit.
A few minutes later I decided to go out to eat. I went straight to the adjoining restaurant of the hotel and there I saw the two, but with the other department.
When I entered the resto, they all turned to me so my forehead furrowed. I ignored that and went straight to the table where the food was. When I finished getting everything I wanted to eat, I headed toward Yerim and Rafa and quietly sat down next to them.
"Rae?"
I turned around quickly when I heard that. My mouth dropped open when I noticed they were all looking at me.
"Yes?" I awkwardly answered, Vincent called.
“Oh my god! Is there a miracle on this island? Is that really you?” Pola hysterically said. I even heard the whispers of others.
I just shrugged my shoulder, “Can I eat now?” I asked them.
I didn’t wait for them to answer because I had already started eating. I could feel the two of them staring at me but I didn't pay any attention to that.
"What happened to you? You took the time out because you prepared? What's up?" I heard Rafa asked to me.
“I... uh, just tried the clothes that Yerim bought for me yesterday. It's a pity if I don't use it,” I replied evasively to her.
“Really, huh? Who are you trying to impress here?” Yerim whispered to me so I almost fell.
Rafa handed me a glass of water immediately as I heard Yerim laugh. I'm just tired of her behavior.
I'm not trying to impress anyone. When I didn't follow what she said, she always complained. Now I followed her, here she is and very angry.
The dinner went smoothly. We had an urgent short meeting regarding the task we will do while we are on the island which is to relax and get new inspiration for the newly released book. By the time that was over we had split up. Some decided to go night swimming while others started drinking and making a bonfire.
“You can take this. These are not hard drinks,” Yerim pushes me as she hands me a bottle of beer.
“You know I don't drink—”
“Just for tonight, c’mon! We're adults, Rae. There is nothing wrong with drinking unless you won't take it responsibly,” she insisted.
I turned to Rafa who was busy lighting our bonfire to ask for help.
"Just one drink, if you really don't want to, then don't drink anymore," she shrugged and told me so I didn't do anything.
“Anyway, remember the guy in front of you? On the plane, I saw him earlier. Is that from here?” Yerim uttered.
I drank beer because of my shock. I winced when it drew in my throat and I almost fainted from the non-taste. Fortunately, I was able to stop myself, otherwise, everything I ate would explode in front of them both.
"Who is it?" Rafa asked.
“The guy from the airplane. With us earlier, I saw him at the resto. Suddenly it just disappeared. Weird, but I always caught him staring at Rae,” Yerim answered so I laughed.
"You're just imagining it," I denied what she said.
Why would that idiot look at me, we don't even know each other.
“Uh... maybe, but, never mind. Let's just have a drink. Cheers!” she yelled.
We drink for an hour. I can't say if I'm already drunk but I can't feel my legs anymore. It was as if I was suddenly numb without knowing it so I decided to get up to take a walk.
“Whoa!” I hissed.
“Careful, bitch! You're drunk!” Yerim yelled, I just laughed at her.
“I’m not,” I simply answered to her then went on my way while still holding a bottle of beer.
I don't know how many bottles I have. I still know what I'm doing and what's going on around me but I feel like I'm walking slowly. I can't still feel my legs. Where are they?!
I no longer knew where my feet had taken me. I feel like I have walked a long way. I couldn't even hear them from where I am right now. I just stopped walking and almost fell over when I ran into the unknown.
"What the heck."
I heard a man say. I swallowed the beer I was holding and then threw it aside. I immediately look at him. My forehead furrowed when I recognized it.
“We meet again, asshole,” I uttered to him while poking his face.
"You! You are so rude. Who are you? Are you from here? Don't you know me?” nothing of myself told him.
I heard a laugh from him so I was stunned. He laughed. Really? What the hell?
“Oh, so you know how to laugh. You have an emotion, huh?” I said to him then smirk at him. "I thought, you were a robot," I added and giggled.
Damn, Rae. What are you doing? You have the strength to control yourself now 'cause you're drunk as fuck but you keep being crazy.
I sat in the rock formation there. I stretched my feet so that the seawater could reach them. I let go of myself when I felt someone sitting next to me.
“You’re drunk? I thought people like you don't drink,” I heard him say so I laughed.
“You’re quick on judging people, you know that? At first, you called me an old woman, now this. What is wrong with you, people?” I complain to him.
I crouched down as I watched my feet submerge in the water. The moon was bright. Just right for me to see that we can see each other because it’s dark where we are now.
“I just thought you can't drink. You look so innocent, that's why. Is it bad to give a first impression?” he justified.
Before I could answer, I heard that sound from the cell phone. I simply looked at him and there I saw him answering that phone call.
"What is it this time, huh?" I heard him say then immediately stood up. It turned its back on me and moved away a little, but I could still hear the pain with every word he uttered.
“I'm not mad, but if I'm angry, is it forbidden? I have the right to get mad! You don't tell me what to feel!” he shouted, but I could feel its restraint.
I know it so sounds wrong to eavesdrop but I can't help it. Who is he talking with?
“Look, Seah. I needed this — no! After knowing everything, I don't think I can — shut up! I can fucking take the weight! I can fucking take everything and you know that! I just asked you now because I can't take it anymore, why can't you let me do this?”
My heart sank. That time I first saw him outside the coffee shop, he was inside his wall. I can't see anything in him. I can't sense any emotion from him until we catch up with him on the plane as well as our recent encounter in that cradle, but this time, it's different. He is different. I could clearly see his fist clenching when he ended the call. He still remained behind me for a few minutes. When he turned to me, I immediately pretended I didn't hear everything.
What's happening to him? What's wrong with him? Did I listen correctly? Should I go and left him here? Or should I stay because maybe... he needs someone to talk to.
I felt him sit down beside me. When I simply looked back at him, my mouth watered as I saw his tears fall. He looked up and seemed to be staring at the full moon.
"Are... you okay?" I couldn't help but question him.
Obviously, he's not.
“Fuck...” he uttered.
With his deep, cracked voice, I can feel that he is hurting. I feel like I lost my intoxication as I watched how much he hurt now.
"What's up? You can at least talk to me. We don't know each other so, no judgment,” I continued to tell him. "It's just... to reduce that," I added.
I heard his laugh again. He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and then turned to look at me. I was still a little backward when I saw those eyes of his up close.
"Can you keep a secret?" he laughed at my question.
I nodded one after another, “Depends,” none of my own answer to him.
"I don't talk to strangers," he whispered to me so I frowned.
“Then, should I tell you my name—”
“Last week, I caught my fiancé cheating on me with my best friend. They heard nothing from me. I didn’t say I knew that until she found it in herself. I just came home right away... nothing. To forget.”
I fell silent because of what he said. I couldn’t find the right word for him. It caught me off guard to the point that I couldn't think straight. I don’t know if it was because of the alcohol or because of what I found out.
“That’s why I’m here. I can't stay in the city for too long. I also take care of a lot here. How about you? What are you doing here?" he asked me one question after another as if nothing had happened.
"It's just a vacation," I replied sparingly to him. "So, you're moving on?" I asked him directly.
“Not exactly like that. I mean — hey!”
Even before he could continue what he was going to say, I quickly stood up because I knew I already knew what was next. Such are the scenarios I write and read. There is a fragile and stupid relationship. He's the fool.
“You've been fooled but you still won't move on? Are you serious?" can't believe I asked him.
"It's not like that," he said then stood up while trying to grab my hand. “Stop moving. You might fall!"
“Are you stupid? You've been cheated on, but it looks okay to you. You haven't moved on yet? Do you hear what is being said — ah!”
The next thing I heard was the loud noise from the water. Yes, I fell. Nice.
I could feel the cold wrapping around my body so I got up right away. "Shit!" I cussed out of thin air and looked sharply at him.
"I want to go home. I don't want to talk to a fool like you anymore!” I shouted at him, but the lint just laughed and the next thing I knew, he jump on the water and grab my waist towards him.
“It’s cold and you’re drunk. I’ll take you to your room,” I heard him say.
I was just surprised when he quickly pulled me out of the water. I could feel my heart beating fast. I don’t know why but it started when he pulled me by the waist toward him.
"You don't know where I'm staying," I shrugged and told him then turned my back on him.
I still walk slowly. I thought I was completely drunk. I think I felt even dizzier when I fell into the sea.
"Then I'll bring you to my place," he said simply. "Don't worry, I'm harmless," he added then hugged me with the jacket he was wearing earlier.
Who is this guy?