Chapter 72 Coma
Chapter 72 Coma
Elara
When I heard what he said, a tear slipped out of my eyes, that’s not how he was supposed to know, that’s not what? I didn’t mean it like that.
“Landon.”
My hand softly brushed against his chin, raising his gaze to mine when a tear slipped out of his eyes
“It’s not the time for it Elara; your mother is in the hospital, we Ned to go back to her, it’s fine, I’m fine.”
“No.” I breathed out. “You are not fine, I need, this is not how you were supposed to find out.
“Are you kidding me Elara? This is not how I am supposed to know, that’s what you will say to me, after everything, you promised me, hell I asked you a lot of times, I didn’t .” He yelled. “I never wanted you to pick me, I wanted you to think, I wanted you to make a choice, but it was never between me and your career and you lied.”
I shake my head.
I know. I fucked up.
“The most hurtful thing was you knew for months, you knew for weeks. You watched me get excited, you watched me build a future with you when you knew I was never the choice, you watched me be in happiness knowing it was never going to last, you watched me.”
“Landon.”
“No you want to talk, that’s what we will do.” He yelled when he shuts his eyes. “I don’t want to yell at you, I don’t want to be this person. You let me buy that house, you let me think of a future here you would be there for me, what was your plan Elara?” He asked
“It as never to hurt you Landon.” I breathed out.
My chest tightened, my lips quivering, I held his hand tightly.
“I love you Landon and I always will, I know I should have told you the truth, I was scared of admitting it to myself, I was scared to realize I would be the one hurting you, it’s not about Vermont, it’s not about us, it’s about my career, Landon-“ I choked back on a sob
My other hand softly wiping the tears that fell against my cheek
“If I choose you over my career, if I choose you over arts, I will hate myself, I will hate you and I don’t want to do that, I can’t imagine a life without you, I can’t imagine not loving you Landon, you are my heart, without you I have no life, without you I am nothing, this is just something I have to do. When I see you cry, my heart bleeds Landon.”
“Did….did you intend on telling me today or after we get to Vermont.” He asked, my heart skipped a beat. “I have never stood between you and arts because I know how much it means to you, this is why I fell for you Elara, this is why I was intrigued by you, when I saw you for the first time yelling at the coach, I saw the will, I saw how hard you will fight for anything you love and I was intrigued, yet you could not tell me this, I would have never left you despite this, because we I say I love you, I just don’t say it, I mean it.”
“I know Landon, listen.” I breathed out.
When his gaze dawned to mine, I saw the disappointment in his eyes, the disbelief, he was hurt, I am stupid, I should have spoken to him.
“I love you, I still do but, maybe, maybe we rushed into this, maybe we are not ready, not mature enough for this, you have no idea how it feels uttering these words to the woman I wish to spend my life with, I know I want you, I have never been sure anything, but you Elara.”
“I love you.” I blurted out.
“Not enough to not lie to me, not enough to want to tell me the truth, but enough to hurt me, to crush my heart and send me away to Vermont all day, enough to keep lying to me, enough to sleep beside me, look into my eyes and pretend like we are on the same page.” His voice broke and his eyes pulled away from mine.
“I made a mistake.”
“You did.” He breathed out. “I wish you crush it in UK Elara, I know you will, and I wish, I wish you choose me.” He breathed out. “I wish you knew me enough to realise I would never stop you from fulfilling your dream, it’s not my place to do so.” He said and my my world crumbled.
I bite my lips. As tears trembled down my cheek, and Landon softly brushed his hand against my cheek, our temples rested on each other’s.
“I love you Elara, I will always love you, I’m not going anywhere, not until I make sure you are fine, not until I make sure your mom is fine.”
“You are breaking up with me, I’m never going to be fine, you can’t do this, you can’t let go because of one mistake, you can’t. That is not what love is, love is sacred, love is patience, you can’t do this.” I pulled away. “Punish me, yell at me but don’t leave me, you can’t say I don’t love you, because I do, you can’t leave when you say you feel the same for me.”
I know I hurt him but he can’t. We worked so hard to be here, to be where we are.
“Answer this question honestly Elara.” He said. “No lies.”
“Anything.” I breathed out.
“I walked into your room, I saw everything, you packed everything, you were going to come to Vermont with me, were you ever going to stay forever, or you intended to leave.” He asked
I froze.
I can’t.
“Anything Landon but not that.” I breathed out.
“You were going to leave weren’t you? One last question Elara….”
“No.” I breathed out.
I knew it will only make thing worse
“Did you ever intended in telling me or you were going to disappear on me, make me think something horrible happened to you, just to realise you are fine and happy.” He asked and I didn’t speak.
How could I when deep down I knew the truth, when deep down I know I fucked up, when I know I regret this, I should hav said I will think about it, I should have explained everything to him, I should have let him know of everything but I didn’t.
I was about to speak when I heard his phon ringing.
“It’s Clara.” He mumbled, he wiped the tears that fell against my cheek. “I’m not leaving you, I just need space.”
I know what that means? Space is a fancy word for breaking up. I don’t like space, I don’t like the idea of him not speaking to me, I don’t like the idea of never seeing.
“Come on Elara, Clara is waiting, we need to head back.”
We were both not fine, we both wanted to be alone especially him, I’m not going to let him go away, I will fix this, I need to fix this
Landon walked out of the car, leaving me with my thoughts, I held in my breath, more tears found its way to my cheek, I closed my eyes for a moment, I could not stop the thoughts, the horrible thoughts I had when I heard a knock on the window.
—-
The money we walked to the floor, Clara found her place around my arms and I felt her mom beside me, what is going on? I saw dad crying by the door and the other man shattered on the chair.
Clara’s father in tears, I could tell he was trying to hold back.
“What is going on?” I breathed out
“I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve to go through any of this.”
“Is she?” I asked and Clara shakes her head. “Is she dead?” I asked as my breath hitches. She can’t die on me, no she can’t
I can’t lose her too, we have to fix everything, we have to fight it all out.
“Let go of me.” I yelled. "Please I need to know what is going on? If I tell her I'm not going to arts school, she will wake up."
“She is in a coma.” Clara mumbled and I stumbled on my feet, Landon got a hold of me, my chest heaved with pain. No she can’t be? That’s not my mom, my mom yells. She loves to speak. She can’t lay there
I need to see her, I need to.
I rushed toward the door. When I saw her, lying on the bed lifeless, with an oxygen mask helping her. She was alive but, I may never hear her voice again, I may never have the chance to hear her yell at me