Chapter 56

I had always been a dedicated dancer. This meant that most of my life, I’d had the body of an athlete—lean, leggy, and with a flat stomach. Joshua, who’d been more intimate with my body than anyone, knew that.

It took a whole three seconds for my brain, still trying to get me to catch myself, caught on to the situation.

“I thought you looked bigger—”

Before he could finish that sentence, I slapped his arm away and scuttled past him to the apartment landing.

“Alaina, no, you can’t—”

“It’s not yours!” I gasped, stumbling to my door. How my bag had stayed on during all this, I didn’t know, but thank heavens because it meant I had my keys on hand now.

“What do you mean it’s not mine? How could it not be?”

“We had protection,” I jammed in the keys.

“I used a needle!”

I froze. Cold spiked through the rush of heat caused by adrenaline.

He…he didn’t.

“I used a needle on all the condoms. I’m sorry, I didn’t—I didn’t mean to tell you about this now, and we were getting married.”

“But we weren’t.” I turned, somehow feeling just as I had when I’d walked in on him cheating. “I only had two semesters of school left. We’d talked about this. Why the hell did you think—” A horrible thought flashed in my head. “Were you using me?”

His gray-blue eyes went wide with horror. “No!”

“Trying to tie me down before I found out about the other woman?”

“NO! Alaina, I…” He had turned red, fast as a streetlight. And when gingers turned red, they turned bright as a tomato, and for a moment, I thought I saw my Joshua again, blushing so bright he looked sunburned.

But then he looked down and said, “It…it turned me on…to think of…to have the possibility of…”

I wanted a chair. I wanted to throw it at him, hit him over the head, scream till my throat gave out.

Instead, I said, in a the most deadly chill I’d ever managed in my lukewarm life.

“It’s still not yours. I had my period after I left you. And even if it was, I’d never trust you near me again.”

Without seeing how he took that, I twisted my doorknob, stepped inside, and slammed the door behind me.

Then, choking on the sickening mixture of emotions clogging my throat, I slid down the door, my arms wrapped tight over my head and my nails digging into the back of my scalp.

It was a long time before I finally managed to suck in a ragged breath.

I half-expected Joshua to have knocked on my door by now, to keep begging for me to listen. But I hadn’t bothered to listen for his footsteps, and nothing came. I was just left there to sob and gasp and blatantly try to get ahold of myself as my abdomen cramped.

“Baby Bean,” I said aloud. “You need to calm down for the baby.”

I thought of the baby basket in my bedroom. I thought of the swaddle blanket. I thought of all the gross sausage and bacon I’d eaten and all the times I’d thrown up to my shoes because I’d just caught a whiff of garlic.

I couldn’t let all that effort be in vain.

But it was a sudden image of Mr. Czarn, wearing that unreal tender, soft thing of a smile that finally loosened the bottom of my lungs and slowed my heartbeat.

When I had finally gotten to a semblance of calm, I remembered I’d let go of my phone in the scramble. Groaning, I got to my feet, taking it slow for the cramps, and dared to catch a glimpse out the peephole of my door. When I saw the landing empty, I opened the door, checked that the coast was clear, than very carefully eased my way down the stairs. Heaven forbid I should slip again.

Five minutes later, after retrieving the remains of my dead phone for the SIM card, I was sitting naked on the edge of my tub as I waited for it to fill. On the doctor’s recommendation, I’d put in some Epsom salt and planned to take a soak until the last of the cramps left. I’d already sent a text to LeFevre asking if I could use the business phone until I could get a new smart phone. Its buzz at his response went through the porcelain of the tub and tickled my butt, making me giggle as I picked it up.

He said I could, then asked what had happened to my old one, just out of curiosity. Apparently, his wife had just lost hers down the toilet that very morning, and he was wondering if it was just the day for lost phones or something.

I hesitated. Just thinking about what had happened with Joshua made my cramps start up and tears start welling in my eyes. I didn’t fully understand why I was reacting this way. So what if my loser ex showed up? So what if he found out I was pregnant? So what if I found out he’d been risking my body and choice just so he could be turned on…?

I forced myself to breathe deep, even if it was shaky. Then, I remembered that Joshua had somehow gotten my new address.

An unwanted visitor surprised me at my apartment, I texted back. You guys haven’t had any reason to give out my address, right?

The only people I could think of that had my address besides my job was Maria and Tammy, who’d helped me move, and they had both been there to clean me up after what he’d done to me, so I couldn’t fathom why’d they’d give him the time of day, let alone my freaking address.

LeFevre didn’t respond right away. When he did, I’d already slipped into the tub, and it was only to say, in a tone I imagine was defensive, that there was a strict confidentiality clause in the employment contract.

I thanked him for his time, put the phone aside, and sunk into the hot water with a sigh. I prayed it would not just calm the cramps, but also somehow reach into me and untie the painful knot my insides had become.

I’d just manage to imagine myself in that cabin I wanted, far away in the mountains, when the business phone I’d left on the toilet seat lid buzzed so hard it started sliding away. I caught it just as it made to jump to its doom.

Mr. Czarn’s stoic profile sticker flickered across the screen.