40

I threw the pictures on the table and I instantly broke down on the floor. The crying became louder, the pain became heavier, and my mind crazier. I was shaking uncontrollably on the floor surrounded by those god forsaken roses with those pictures, that ruined my life in one second.

How could this happen? Wasn't he happy? We were about to get married, would he even tell me about it? So many questions, no answer.

I stared at the floor. The pain in my chest didn't become any lighter. I tried to stop crying, to stop my tears from flowing down my cheeks.

But I couldn't.

This wasn't eve close from what I felt when I broke up with Mateo. This was far more worse. I couldn't feel myself anymore. I couldn't hear the beating of my heart anymore.

This heartbreak is killing me, but at the same time it's keeping me alive. It only brings more tears to my eyes when I think about Flynn. The things he had done for me, our happy moments. He's everything I ever wanted and I will never stop loving him. Was everything he said a lie?

Even though he cheated on me, he's like a drug I'm addicted to. He's going to be the ex I cannot forget. And it's killing me.

I don't want to break up with him. Oh god, I don't. I just want to try again, get answers from him. Hear his side of the story. Part of me wished this was just a prank, a lie. But pictures don't lie, especially not polaroid. I want to give him a chance, a chance to start again.

But there's just this much that I can take. And right now, the only thing to do, is distance myself from him.

I'll runaway from my own wedding.

Far away, where he can't find me.

I don't need his sweet words, his gentle touch, and his pleading eyes. I need space. I need time to heal myself, to pick up the broken pieces.

I don't want to hear his sorry's and his pudding's. I want him to realize that he needs to appreciate what he has before it's gone. But it's too late now.

And it hurts.

It hurts me so much to let him go. It hurts what he has done to me. I closed my eyes and the memories of us replayed in my head.

My crying turned into sobbing and my voice was raw. With trembling fingers I grabbed my phone and called the only person who could help me. The only person who could help me escape this nightmare.

"Hello?" he answered.

I cried when I heard his voice. "C..Can I come with you?"

Appreciation letter to Flynn.

Dear future husband,

I just want to let you know how much I love you and how much I am obsessed with you. Thank you for accepting Milan as your own, that's probably the most I am thankful for. He loves and adores you so much, I'm kinda jealous haha. Thank you for giving me a second family, who I love so very much.

I know we're going to get married in a couple of hours. And then we will finally be Mr and Mrs. Vasilios. Isn't it crazy how things work? I never thought that I would meet my One night stand again, let alone marry him. It's crazy how faith works. But I guess good things comes to those who wait.

I'll not promise you that I'll be a good wife or mom, because some days you'll be coming home and there will be no food on the table because I'm to tired to cook so we will end up ordering chinese or something. Somedays you'll find a pile of clothes in the laundry room and sometimes you'll not even see the bedroom floor anymore, because I always throw my clothes on the floor. Someday, when we have kids, they will draw on the walls, because I left them alone for two seconds and you'll be mad at me or maybe i'll forget to throw their diapers away and you accidentaly stepped on it. And somedays, you'll complain because I'm working too much and never have time for myself.

But I can promise you one thing. I'll always be there for you, your family, and our kids. From now on, it's not only me, but it's us. No matter what I do or what I accomplish, I didn't do it by myself. It's us from now on. And yes, there is no such thing as a perfect couple. We will have our ups and downs, but remember...Communication is the key for a happy and healthy marriage.

So, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing me that love still exist. Thank you for being the light of my life. I promise to keep enjoying all the little things that makes everyday with you so special.

I love you, Flynn Vasilios.

I love you till death do us apart.

Yours truly,

Pudding.

Three years later in Amman, Jordan

Jill Malik P.O.V

It was a very busy day at the market. It was so hot and I couldn't stand the bustle. I quickly went to the grocery stand and paid for the groceries. I hurried back to my car and immediately turned on the air-conditioning. I let out an exhausted sigh.

Three years, and I'm still not used to the hot weather. It's not hot all year round, but when it is I wished I could go back to New York city. I placed the groceries on the passenger seat and headed home. It was a busy day at work, but thank goodness it was Friday.

I drove to the villa I was staying for the past three years. It was a seven bedroom villa that I shared with Ethan and his now wife, Irina. Irina was so sweet and understanding that she let me stay with them.

So much had changed in three years. I flew all the way from New York to Jordan to start a new life. The only people aside from Ethan and Irina that knows where I am are my aunt and Milan. They come visit me during Christmas and Summer. I'm pretty sure Flynn knows where I am too, he just never showed up and I think that's a good thing. But deep down I wished he did. If he knew where I was, I wished he had at least sent me an apology letter. But he didn't.

I pulled up into the driveway of the big vanilla colored Villa and grabbed the groceries from the passenger seat. I opened the door and the house was empty. It was always empty during the day. Irina was usually in her bedroom and Ethan was at work. The only time I saw them was in the morning during breakfast and at night during dinner.

Last year Irina asked me to be her maid of honour, but I politely declined. I didn't showed up to their wedding either, because I just couldn't. It was painful. The feelings I have for Flynn were still there and I don't think I will ever love someone as much as I love Flynn. Even after three years, it's still very painful to think about him.

I actually forgave him, because if I didn't I don't think I could live peacefully. What he had done to me was a low blow and even though I told myself that the past will not affect my future. It actually did.

I can't move on from him.

He's still in my mind and my heart.

And how much I tell myself that I deserve better than him, it makes me want him more. Nights are torture to me. I can't sleep without having nightmares about that day. I can't sleep without thinking about him. There were so many times that I wanted to go back to New York and just throw myself at him. But I know that this time it should be different. I'm not the one that should come crawling back to him. He is.

I walked into the kitchen and placed the groceries in the fridge. Tonight it was my turn to prepare dinner. I walked upstairs to my room to change into comfortable clothes and then I went downstairs to see if I got mail. Aside from beauty magazines, there was a pink envelope with my name on it written in gold ink. I placed the magazines on the table and opened the envelope. When I saw the handwriting inside I almost choked on air. This can't be true. Not after three years.

Dear Jill,

I'm sorry.

I regret nothing more in life than what I have done to you. It was wrong, stupid and immature and you do not deserve any of the pain I have caused you.

I've lost the one girl I've ever loved and it was cause of the things I've done.

I feel so bad right now, cause I tore your world apart, and now all I can think about is how I broke your heart.

I know I'm three years too late, but I couldn't find your address. Ethan did a good job of protecting you, it took forever for my detectives to find you.

Please reach out to me when you get the chance and if you want to. I hope you do, because I need you. I seriously need you, pudding.

I don't know if you have already moved on from me, but I didn't. I can't move on from you and I don't think I ever will. You have my heart and you'll always have it.

Love always,

Flynn.

I choked back a sob. I had no idea Ethan was protecting me from him. All the time I thought that it was Flynn who didn't want to reach out to me. I read the letter once again and the tears kept falling down my cheeks. I have missed him. I have missed him so goddamn much.

"Jill? What the hell, why are you crying?"

Ethan entered the kitchen and looked worried between me and the letter. "What is that?" He grabbed the letter out of my hand and his eyes widened as he saw the name on the bottom of the letter. "I'm sorry, Jill."

I looked up at him. "Why are you apologizing?"

He put the letter back down and sat on the bar stool. "I uhm, decided to stop hiding you from him, because I think he deserves to know by now. It has been three years and it's about time."

"I know, I know." I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. "I don't know if I'm ready to see him."

Ethan sighed. "Do it, Jill. He deserves to know. Despite what he has done to you, you can't keep this away from him."

At that moment Irina and a three year old girl with brown wavy hair and piercing blue eyes entered the kitchen.

"Amari!" I squatted down and hugged my babygirl. She giggled and hugged me back. "What did you do with aunt Irina today?"

"She made clothes for my dolls. They all have new clothes now." She said happily. "Right, aunt Rina?"

Irina smiled and nodded.

Amari looked at me. "Why are you crying, mommy?"

I smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "It's time we're going to pay your dad a visit."

Jill Malik P.O.V

Amari wasn't part of the plan. When I decided to go to Jordan, I didn't knew that I was pregnant.

After two months, I suddenly got really sick and I started to vomit constantly. I couldn't eat, because everytime I did it immediately came out again. The idea of me being pregnant didn't even crossed my mind, because I thought that I was getting really sick because of all the things that had happened.

Irina on the other hand wasn't really sure about that. She bought a pregnancy test for me and after a lot of 'you should do it' I finally decided that maybe she was right. In the end, she was afterall. After visiting the doctor I heard that I was already three and a half months pregnant. The doctor told me that if it wasn't about all the stress lately, I wouldn't even become sick.

Ethan suggested that I had to tell Flynn about it, but that time I was still so mad at him. I didn't forgave him yet and I didn't wanted to tell him about it, because that meant that he would know where I was. Ethan tried to convince me to call or text Flynn, but I was so stubborn that I just didn't do it. I told him that I would do it after she was born. "I'll be ready to face him then." was my excuse.

When Amari was born, Ethan and Irina told me again to send a picture of her to Flynn. I was planning on doing it, but things got really hectic. Amari suddenly got sick and had to spend a week in the hospital, that I totally forgot about the picture.

And now, three years later Flynn still has no clue that he's a father.

"Mommy, where's dad?" Amari walked into my room while I was packing. I smiled at her and took her on my lap.

"He's in New York, babygirl."

"Is that far?" she asked as she rubbed her eyes. I played with her hair and nodded. "Yes, far far away."

Having Amari in my life changed me. She was my little princess. My little ray of sunshine. Her smile and chattering brightened up my day.

"But why is he not here?" she asked innocently. I let out a sigh and kissed her forehead. "You'll see him in a couple of days, okay. Now, go to aunt Irina and help her with the garden." Amari jumped out of my lap and ran out of my room.

I let out a sigh as I watch her leave. At moments like these I regret that I have never told Flynn about her. I really wanted him to see her grow up and hear her say first words. Sometimes I questioned myself if I'm the one at fault here. Sometimes I wished I would just hear him out instead of run away. But now there's no turning back. I already did it and it hurts.

It hurts every day.

Seeing my daughter, who's an exact replica of him except for her hair, growing up brought memories back every time I looked at her. His smile, his laughter, and the way he looked at me in the morning. So loving and kind. It was like I was his world, his universe.

But god, how was I wrong.

I thought fairytales exist. I thought I was the princess and he my prince charming. I thought our wedding was my happily ever after.

But no.

Fairytales don't exist.

This is reality and here, in this cruel world, there's no happily ever after.