Chapter 57 It's not you, it's me.
Ryder's POV
I was making so many promises these days.
Damn
Always?
Really, Ryder?
Hell, I was trying to get away from her by all means, not promise to always be there for her.
"So why'd write me off?" She asked from where she was laid on my bed, her nose still red from crying.
I wouldn't leave her side. I couldn't.
I had even threatened to throw her out of my house if she cried one more time.
And so far, she was holding up.
"I didn't write you off. I was ..." I trailed off, unable to find my words.
What was I supposed to tell her anyway?
You're not good for me?
I'm not good for you?
We never should've gotten that close?
I'm scared of what you're making me feel?
Fuck, no.
"You didn't want me anymore. I get." Her voice was low.
My eyes snapped open in alert, my pupils narrowing down to hers as she pushed herself into a sitting position.
Quickly, I placed my hand on her thigh. "I... I didn't say that. I was just...busy?"
"I hear you." She said dryly, giving me that dull look that says 'i don't believe you'.
"Look, I'm just thinking about so many things. You know our exams are close by and life and -" you?
"Ohhh. I get." She nodded slowly, pulling her bag to her side. "That's why I came anyway, before..." She paused, her shoulders sagging.
Sighing, I moved my hand to her shoulder, squeezing lightly, "you want to talk about it?"
She looked me in the eye and then shook her head. "You already said it. You also have a lot."
"But I can listen?" The words flew out of my lips before I could stop it.
Normally, I'd drop the conversation if the person wasn't willing to talk about it.
But her...
For she to come here, crying out her eyes, I knew it was very serious and it...it hurt her.
It hurt me to see her hurt.
Fuck, this was getting too complicated.
"I'll tell you when I'm ready, okay?" She forced a smile as she spoke, placing her books on the bed.
My jaw clenched for a split second before I retreated my hand, standing up with my back straight.
"I don't feel like studying. Actually, I was about to step out."
I had to go with the plan.
She was no longer crying so she had to leave.
"Yeah, maybe we should address that." She stood up, walking up to me with her arms folded under her chest. "You can try to run away but I'm not leaving, Ryder. I get that you didn't need my services again and that's cool. Look, if I did something while I was drunk or whatever, let me know so I can apologize for it."
I raised my eyebrow at her, "you don't remember anything?"
"I never do. Well, most of what happens." She threw her head back, groaning loudly. "So yeah, you have to help me here."
Our eyes stayed locked for a while, then I swallowed hard, turning away. "It's not you."
"It's me."
"Huh?" I looked at her over my shoulder.
"It's not you, it's me." She chuckled lightly. "You know, those breakup lines." She rubbed her arms.
I opened my mouth to say something but then she cut me off
"I'm not saying we're in a relationship. Its just something they say. Like - God, this is embarrassing." She dropped her head to the floor, laughing.
"We can't be in a relationship." I didn't know why I laid empathize on that part but I felt the need to.
Or maybe I was reminding myself.
"Of course not! I'm not your type and you... you're not mine."
Now, that should've made me feel better but it didn't.
A small frown etched on my face, my eyes hard as I glared at her. "Who then is your type?"
Her eyes fluttered as she stared at me. Her shoulder tensed up when I began to walked back to her with my books in my hand.
I tossed it on the bed, pulling her swiftly into my body with just one hand. She yelped, her hand landing on my chest.
"If I remember correctly..." My hands trailed up her face, gently pushing her hair behind her ears. Then I leaned forward, my lips inches away from her ear, "you said my rival wasn't your type."
Her body tensed under me, giving me just the confirmation I needed.
"How...how do you know?"
I held her chin, smirking evilly, "because it's you, Uriel. I'm very observant."
Her lips curled up into a challenging smirk, "hmm." Slowly, she raised her feet up until she was standing on her toes, then she pressed her chest into mine, her lips on my ears.
My heart beat began to drum fast.
"If you're so observant then, Ryder, who could you say is my type?" She whispered, sending dangerous shivers down my body - the type that urged me to pin her against the wall and make her moan out no one's name but mine.
Realizing how deep I was falling into it, I pulled away, clenching my fist.
"You're here to read. Let's do that so I can get rid of you quickly. You're cock blocking me." The last part wasn't necessary, I know.
"Oh right." Something flickered in her eyes. It looked like a mixture of hurt and dejection.
My hand widened, yearning to touch her and pull her into me, telling her I was just going out for a ride after this, but then I just settled with sitting down, my head bowed to the bed.
At first, the tension in the room was thick and piercing to the soul. Eventually, we started arguing over answers and debating over academic concepts and damn, I knew Uriel wasn't a dull student but this girl...
She was exceptional.
Very brilliant.
Just my type of girl.
Academically, though.
We munched on our snacks as we read, laughing at each others mistakes and assumptions.
Honestly, reading had never felt this good to me. I didn't have problems reading alone and I hated partnership but Uriel just changed everything.
"Let's do this one more time before the day of the exam?" I said, standing up from the bed as I placed my books back on the shelf. "I'll drop you home."
"Oh, now you want it." She chuckled standing up.
"Don't fucking push it, Kennedy." I rolled my eyes but since I was backing her, she couldn't see me.
My shoulder tensed up when I heard a soft gasp leave her lips.
"Oh my goodness, I'm so so sorry Ryder." Uriel began to apologize before I could even turn.
My eyes first landed on her face - her eyes were wide as if she had seen as ghost, her hand trembling.
"What is it, Kinky?"
She looked at me with blurry eyes and then I guided me with her eyes.
No shit.