Chapter 48 Even
Ryder's POV
Since 11 years old, I had always known myself to be the big bad wolf.
And that was the truth.
But somehow, Uriel...
I didn't like how she made it look like I was some innocent boy, pretending to be bad.
Also, I didn't want her to make me feel... good of myself.
I didn't deserve to feel that way.
Especially not this period.
This particular week.
"No phones. No music. It's advisable to read your books." The teacher said, doing the opposite.
Her earpod was placed in her ear and a food on her desk. Her phone as well was on her hand.
So much for setting example.
Adults.
My phone vibrated, a reminder popped up.
I was supposed to see my therapist today.
Now, this was the only moments I was happy to be in detention.
I didn't want to talk about my feelings this time. Because I wasn't feeling anything.
And it irked me.
I didn't deserve to be happy. Not after what I did.
Not after I claimed a life.
If I had just done the one thing I reprimanded Uriel of - 'not to talk', maybe I wouldn't be in this dark hole.
My head turned to face Uriel. Her face was straight, all the colors gone.
I did that.
I always do that.
But did she deserve it? No.
My eyes dropped down to her paper, she was sketching something with her different colors of pen.
"Because we'll be having board meeting, this detention will be over in 30 minutes. It's your lucky day, isn't it?" The teacher scoffed, turning back to her movie.
Thank God.
I didn't know what to do, so I rested my head.
Flashback
"You were sloppy, Kal. You need to straighten that shit." I yelled at Kal, at everyone.
I knew I was just letting my emotions get in the way because it was on this same day.
Ordinarily, I'd smoke it out and go numb but we had practice.
My team needed me
"How about you chill the fuck out. You've been nagging us a lot!" Kal spat.
"And that's because you've been fucking slacking on your shits. All of you!" I glared at the team
"Or maybe you are the problem, Ryder Connell." Kal challenged, taking a step forward.
"Stop it, Kal." Marcus, his close friend warned.
"No, somebody has to talk to this piece of shit." Kal glared at me.
"And you think you're the one to do that? You?" I looked him up and down in disgust. "You know what, you're not worth my time!"
"Your parents should've used condoms to prevent such worthless shit from infiltrating the earth." Kal called for it
I paused in my step, turning to face him. My eyes were hard, "what did you say?"
"Didn't know you were deaf too." Kal scoffed.
"I don't care about what you call me, Kal but you will leave my parents out of this." I pointed to his face, warning him.
"Get the fuck outta here, bingo!" He slapped my hand down. "Are your parents God? Hell, I'll talk about them anyhow I want. I heard it takes a piece of shit to give birth to a piece of shit."
My hand balled into a fist beside me and before he could even breath, it was on his face.
"What the fuckkkk!!!!" Kal screamed, holding his face.
"Want to keep talking?" I glared at him.
"I guess I touched a spot, didn't I? Is it your mother? Was she a whore?"
My chest heaved up and down, my eyes red from rage. My blood boiled, firing up my nerves.
"I heard you got into an accident when you were little, you should've just fucking died with whoever the fuck was in there, motherfuckerrrr!"
And that was where I lost it. I punched on him, connecting my fist with his face. Every stride came in heavier and much more destructive than the rest.
The boys tried to separate us but I was already on the peak of my anger, shoving them away while I drove my feet into the fuckers bloodied face.
"Fuck, Ryder. You've killed him." Someone raised Kal's.
Mason and Peter held me back firmly, their eyes wide with shock.
But I wasn't shocked.
And worse, I wasn't scared of the consequences.
I felt like it'll help me.
"You'll fucking rot in jail, Ryder." Marcus glared at me.
End of flashback.
Someone poked my hand, making my head jerk up.
"It's time out." The teacher said.
I turned to find Uriel gone. My heart sank.
It was for the best, I told myself.
But then I stepped outside and saw her sitting by herself on a bleacher beside a class. I tried to stop my legs from moving but they wouldn't listen.
She turned her face to the side when I sat down.
"You didn't deserve detention." I said, staring straight.
When she didn't reply, a cold shiver ran down my spine. I turned to face her, seeing her face turned the other way.
"Uriel -"
She snapped her face to my direction, her eyes hard. I clamped my mouth shut, swallowing the remaining words.
Who knew she could be that scary.
"Look, I don't know what it is you're going through and why you've chosen to act the way you're acting, but if you care about yourself -"
"I don't."
"Even one bit." She eyed me, ignoring my reply. "You'd take building yourself seriously. You'd realize later on that all these anger and frustration wasn't worth it at all."
"You don't know anything." I frowned, balling my hand into a fist.
"Very true." She sighed. "I don't know anything but I know that you shouldn't ruin yourself because of whatever. You have a chance. You've been given a chance to live life. Have you gone to the hospital and seen the amount of people suffering?"
"I'd rather be there."
"But you're not. That's the chance I'm talking about. Utilize the opportunity, Ryder."
"I am living someone else's life, Uriel. You don't know how it feels!" I snapped, a bit irritated at her advice.
"And that person would want you to use the best of it. Sure, it may be a terrible experience and I don't know anything about it -"
"Exactly why you should keep your mouth out of it." My voice was hard.
She stood up, "You've come this far to give up, Ryder. Whatever happened may have been your fault because sometimes, humans are used to achieve a cause."
She walked forward and spoke again, "forgive yourself too."
Quickly, I brought my head down, hiding the way my lips quivered. When I was sure she had gone, I dashed off, leaving this hell hole.
But her advice burned, carving every letter in my chest.
Forgive myself?
I didn't deserve forgiveness!
With my hand tightly gripping the wheels of my car, I slammed my foot on the pedal, zooming off at full speed.
Tears streamed down my eyes as the car fired, slightly missing to hit moving cars.
I knew by the way I was going, the cops would be tailing me soon but I didn't give two shit.
It wasn't the first anyway.
Sniffling, I slammed on the wheels over and over again, screaming, "argghhhh!!! I hate you, Ryder."
For a split second I forgot I was driving, taking my leg off the pedal. The car swept off in a loosed direction - zig zag
The sound of a heavy horn blared, announcing the approach of a big trailer. My feet bounced on the brake but it was taking so much time to respond to the action.
My heart thumped loudly in my chest, my eyes growing wide as I watched the trailer approach with full speed.
My whole body felt immobile, a stray tear hanging on my lashes.
Maybe this was it?
The screeching sound of the tyre was the last thing I heard before my head smashed against the wheels, knocking me off.
Now, we'll be even.