CHAPTER 46: First Heat

CHAPTER 46: First Heat

ARIA 
"No, you don't understand. I'm not—my wolf is gone, and I'm—I think someone is after me. In the dreams..." I don't make sense.
Lucian's grip tightens, not painfully, but possessively, pulling me closer until my side brushes against the hard lines of his chest. 
"Your wolf isn't gone," he repeats. "She's with you."
"I can't feel her." I argue. "It's been days. Why is she still hiding? What if they did something to me that's keeping her hidden away?"
He looks down at me and shakes his head, "Your wolf is still with you, even if she is not on the surface right now. I can smell her. There's no need to worry, Aria. She will come out once you're better. Just be patient. Give her the time."
Heat? How can I be in heat? 
I take a look around as my breathing races in a way that it wasn't before. 
"I can't be in heat." My voice trembles. 
He leans in, "You can." 
"But the Mistlock—"
"Suppresses shifting, yes. But it doesn't erase what you are." His hand goes down to my lower back. "You're burning, you're seeing dreams, you're restless. They are all signs of heat." 
My head spins as the truth hits me. I never thought this is what it would feel like. 
"I've never had a heat before. I didn't think—" I can barely finish it. "I heard from Mara, but I thought I wouldn't go through it." 
"It's rare for a female to go into heat without a trigger." His hand reaches up, not quite touching me, hovering near my cheek as if he's restraining himself. "Sometimes it's age, sometimes a male, sometimes..." His fingers trace down my throat, and his thumb rests over my pulse, his eyes watching. "Sometimes it's proximity to your mate." 
The word mate lingers for a bit too long, loaded with everything that's been happening.
"I don't know what to do." I confess, hating how vulnerable I sound. 
My skin feels too tight, too hot, and every breath I take feels heavy. It hurts and itches in a way that's hard to ignore.
"The heat will last days," he whispers, "Three, maybe four. It'll get worse before it gets better." 
"Worse?" 
"Much worse." He inhales deeply. "Your scent will grow stronger. The pain, too. And the need will become... unbearable." 
I swallow hard, "And the only way to ease it is to—"
"Yes." 
It isn't like I didn't know about heat. I did, mostly from Mara. She went into heat a few times a year and each time she did, it would be hell.
I had heard about it, the lust, the need. But experiencing it...it feels different.
Suddenly, I'm aware of his fingers on my neck, how close he's standing, and I can hear the breaths he takes and gives, feel his body against mine. 
"It isn't fair. I didn't—I wasn't ready." I tell him.
"You'll get better, I promise you. You've options." 
"What options?" 
He draws his hands away from me, and I feel something at the loss of sensation. 
"You could isolate yourself until it passes. It'll be painful but possible," The thought makes me shudder. I was alone last night, and I was miserable. "Or there are herbs that can help dull the symptoms, though you'll still feel it." 
He doesn't speak about the third option. The one where I've to mate. To fuck.
I'm about to say something before someone steps inside the cabin. My breath catches in my throat, and I step away from him upon seeing Ally. 
"Alpha," she quickly says before looking at me. "You fine?" 
I clear my throat and nod, "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry for running off so quickly. Go for your run, I'll catch you later at home." 
"You sure?" 
"Yes."
Ally gives me another look before glancing at the Alpha and then stepping back outside.
My eyes land on Lucian again and he's looking down at me, with something in his eyes. I'm not sure what to make of it, but it's intense and I feel the burn in the pit of my belly grow stronger.
I lick my lips, "Will it hurt? Being alone?"
I see it in his gaze when I question that. 
"It will." His answer comes a little strained. "But it's your choice."
The idea of spending days alone with no way to escape this pain doesn't sit well. But I didn't even think about this yet, or even consider the last option out of the three.
"You've got to be careful." 
"About?" 
"Other males," his expression turns serious, "Your scent is a call to all the males. Every single male wolf. And once your heat is in full effect, you'll want any wolf who can ease the burn. It's... difficult to control."
The idea of strange males being drawn to me, wanting me for what comes naturally during heat makes my stomach twist in fear.
But I nod in understanding. 
"I'll stay home," I tell him. "And try to deal with it." Alone.
I'm not ready to be with a male. Not now, or at least not like this. 
Lucian turns and grabs something from behind, which I don't notice until he brings it and wears it. His coat. "I'll take you home."
"Oh, it's fine. I can walk." I say in a way that's half-hearted.
"For your own sake. There are many male wolves outside right now, and I'd rather not see them come after you."
"Alright," I nod before stepping out of the cabin with him. Before we start heading out from the training grounds, I turn to him and say, "Thank you—for easing my worries. At least I know now that my wolf is still alive." It's been so hard. So hard. I just needed that.
Lucian offers me a small smile before leading us both out.
He stays true to his word. Lucian takes me back home in his car, and we make it just as the sun is about to set.