Chapter 51

Chapter 51
I got my lecture, I think, from every member of my family, from doctors and nurses. From Travis several times. It's funny how Travis was never particularly interested in my diet, but now he comes home from work every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He eats with me and insists that no matter how much I refuse sometimes, I take a few bites. Hades used to ask me every day if I ate. And now he actually asks me. And I get the impression that Travis doesn't mind since now he takes my phone when he sees another text from him and takes a picture of the two of us, in the park near the hospital, eating. I send it to him and put my phone next to me. He's jealous of me marking his territory, but he doesn't tell him not to text me and he doesn't tell me not to talk to him. I'm starting to understand how he thinks. A few years ago Hades told me that he didn't mind sharing me for my own good. I think he does the same thing. Like he's dividing me for my own safety, or something. I look at him and wipe the food from the corner of his mouth. I smile briefly at him.
"Do you love me?" He asks me.
I lean towards him. I kiss him.
"I love you more than myself," I confess slowly.
He smiles. He's pleased. He kisses me again. More manly. More possessive.
"And Hades? Do you love Hades too?"
Why do you have to ask this?
"Yes," I answer quickly without trying to lie. "I'm sorry if this makes you..."
He shakes his head. He pulls his leg under him and searches for something on his phone. I look. I wait. I wait. I pull up my screen and see an Instagram post about a pride march happening in the city.
"We can go if you want."
Is he testing me? Does he think... Like what?
"For Mina?" I ask quickly.
He laughs and pulls out his phone.
"Okay. I'll wait until you're ready."
"Be prepared for what exactly?"
He sighs. He lifts my chin. He kisses me.
"You'll know when you know. Eat. We're going to Gerald's after this. I want to report you. And… ahh… Are you coming home tonight? To yours, he assured me. I'd like to have dinner there. I have some news."
I've been in hospitals for over two weeks. I swear we're barely talking anymore.
"Did something happen?"
"No", he assures me. "It's okay. I promise. I just want to talk about it."
"Are you okay?"
I think he finds it damn funny that I'm worried about him.
"Yes Kassie. I feel good. I don't lack anything and everything is perfect here. I just want to talk to my wife. Is that possible?"
"Speak?"
He spreads a grin on his lips.
"What are you thinking about?" He chuckles.
Nothing. The fact that, as macabre, as possessive as he can be sometimes, Travis truly loves me. As sexual as he can be, he adores me.
"Do you love me?" I ask him too.
"I'm obsessed."
Short. Without any emotion. I swallow dryly. He says it as if he were telling me what time it is. He says it as if this is information that is easily swallowed. As if it means nothing.
"Oh!" That's all I can whisper.
"Oh? He's having fun. That's all you have."
"I'm speechless. I'm always speechless when I'm with you, I understand. It's your fault. I can never think of anything appropriate to say."
"It doesn't have to be your words, it reminds me. I am nothing in my soul if not obsessive. Donna Tartt."
Travis's voice is poetry as he curses or recites quotes.
"Words… I begin and hesitate because I'm not sure it's the right quote. Words have no power to impress the mind without the excusite power of reality. Poe."
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. His silence is oppressive.
"I want to make love with your love."
I hear his words and I wait. I wait for him to say a name. It looks like he's dropped the words. He whispered them under his breath. He whispered them but I don't know if it's for me or for him.
"What?" I ask him.
"What? He repeated, confused. Oh… I don't know what… Sorry. It doesn't make sense. Or does it, but… I don't know. Honestly. I don't know what I said."
"Repeat," I ask.
"No."
"Repeat."
"Make me repeat it. Convince me."
"I'll fuck that phrase out of you"
Smile.
"Is it a promise?"
Travis is Travis again. I feel trapped. I feel trapped and with no way out. I want to comfort myself. To play. To bide my time. I want to show him that I love him for his artistic side and for his… For his rough and unpolished side. Almost like a soldier. Travis is a work of art. A painting with bright spots and dark spots. I want to whisper all this in his ear but the phone starts vibrating violently on the table and it scares us both. I think our gazes drop to him at once. Elio. I look at him. It's my phone but I think he can read the fear in my face because he never answers my phone unless I ask him to. He brings it to his ear and hesitates. Even he knows that Elio wouldn't call unless it was urgent and he's already standing up and grabbing my coat. He puts it in my hand and grabs my other hand.