Chapter 46

"Trav', I already told you it's not... I don't..."

He ignores me completely. I stutter anyway and I can't get the whole sentence out. He takes out his phone instead and shows me a picture. A kitten, a small orange kitten, sits on a white sheet.

"I found him on the side of the road two nights ago, I was about to run over him. Apart from the fact that he's a bit small for his age, the vet says he's healthy. I called him Gus. August actually, but you get the idea."

"Octavian Augustus?" I make fun of him but smile like an idiot and stare at the picture.

"Gaius Octavian Augustus Caesar," he winks at me. "Wade. I meant him baby. Let him be our baby. I mean, I'll definitely keep him. I've already got him everything he needs," he laughs. "And I'm making his room in the storage room next to the bathroom. I mean, with the toys and the bed and… He has a litter box in the bathroom. Please. What do you think?"

"Oh my!" That's all I whisper. "He's so small and..."

"I thought you might like it. But you have to go back home to meet him."

"This is blackmail."

"Did I ever give you any hint that I would play nice? Do you remember how it all started?"

"No," I'm smiling. "It's quite exciting. Maybe I'll come."

"Maybe?" He grins. "Kassie… Let me touch you just a little. Let me kiss you. A few minutes."

I know what he's asking me. I shake my head and tell him no. Not now. Not here. Not like this. We put it off until later and half an hour after we leave that dark place he asks me when we're leaving. He's as impatient as a child. When we eat he sits with his foot pressed against mine. When we dance he holds me close to him. I forget that my mother is there. My father is on the sidelines, with Rory. Their friendship makes me know that I'd be safe. That he'd be safe if something were to happen to him and I wasn't in the area. And my father would do the same for her. I don't spend much time with Delilah and Hades, but Lily calls me at the hotel in two days and says she wants me to help her decorate the baby's room. With Mina, of course. I don't turn her down. I tell her that I'll come whenever she needs me to help with whatever rooms are needed. Her child will have a room at the hotel but may also have one at the Wade family's house or the house Hades promises they'll move into soon. It's almost ready. A house of their own sounds nice, actually. Intimate. Almost romantic. Hades hopes that once they're alone, it'll be easier to get along.

For some reason, my dad isn't as bothered as I thought he would be about me going out with Travis. He told me to have fun, and I think he's had a few drinks. Rory assures me she's driving him. I get in Travis' car and it's quiet. We wait. We both know what's coming. It's quiet, just the background music until we get to the apartment building. We take the elevator up, he unlocks the door. I take off my slippers and see the kitten sleeping on the couch. I go straight to him. I see Travis take off his shirt and feel his hands on my dress. He unzips it. I let him take it off, I know that's what he's waiting for. I let him take off my dress while I play with his kitten, and I want to stop and turn to him.

"We have time," he assures me.

Travis is not the patient type. Proof of this is that I got home as soon as he could leave without anyone getting upset. He leaves and comes back. Travis is in no hurry. For the first time, maybe. And I know he's not comfortable yet. He's still nervous. He still has something to say. I promise myself that I'll be a good wife and that we'll talk about it tomorrow. I tell myself that we have time. And tonight we end up hugging and that's it. We take a shower together. The kitten climbs into bed with us, snuggles between Travis' shoulders who sleeps on my back. I want to know what happened. What he's thinking. Why he's so tense. I wish there was a little more communication between us.

I don't think my mother loves me. Not because I'm a child who needs attention, but because the only context in which she texts me is to let me know that she wants me to sign the purchase deed for the apartment she chose. And then sign that she's giving it to them or something. I'm starting to wonder if she ever loved me or if she's just been a charade all these years. I'm starting to wonder what kind of mother would act so abruptly like she does. It's like I don't know her. It's like she's not my mother. She's not the same Lucy I knew, and as soon as I sign for her and pay for the apartment with Travis's money, and his agreement, I head to a supermarket. I want to do some shopping for Gerald. Last night his fridge was almost empty. I text Travis that I'm going to be a little late and I get a basket. When he asks me what I'm doing, I send him the picture. Then I text him that I'm going to drop by Gerald's later. I look out the window. It's raining. I sigh and start filling my basket. Do you have work? Hades texts me. Travis has agreed with me that it's okay to continue the conversation with Hades as long as it's just friendly. But I know that if I tell him what I'm doing and that I'm basically free, he'll ask me if I don't want to see him. Or something like that. I hesitate. Not really. Why? I hesitate. I wait. I can say no if that's what it is. I'm in the parking lot. I see your car. What are you doing next? I swallow hard. I go to Gerald. Then to Hades. Travis. Travis. I go to my husband. I leave the conversation and call Travis. He answers me almost immediately.

"So, without further introductions, I'll start. Hades is in the parking lot and I think he wants to go out for coffee when I finish work."

I'm lying. I know it's not that simple with Hades. It never is.

"I understand," he hesitates. "Do you want to go?"

"I was hoping you could give me some advice. I could go, because we're friends. But we talked through messages and I can also say that I have work to do after this. I don't want you to be upset."

"No. No," he repeats and I hear Ted's voice in the background. "Go if you want. See you tonight. I have a little work to do now."

"Oh. Sure. Thank you."

"Thank you for taking my opinion into account," I hear him say. "I'm coming, dad, I'm coming. Have fun and take care."

"Sure. You take care too."

I hang up and start when I see Hades next to me. He has a bottle of wine in his hand and is looking at me. He is smiling crookedly.

"You're moving slow. Are you coming?"

I look at his wine. I hesitate. I approve.

"Just take these to Gerald. Where can I meet you?"

"I'll write you an address and you can come there when you're done. Is that okay?"

"An address?"

"Yes. A house. Is that okay? We're talking Kassie. That's all."

Travis gave me the address to an apartment once and I said we'd just go and talk. He ended up having sex. I hesitate. Then I look at his hands again. Those damn white hands, with their shirts pulled up to their elbows. The hands I've always been obsessed with.

"You're doing it on purpose, you idiot."

"What am I doing?"

Why doesn't he understand?

"I'm coming," I assure him. "But we're just talking, that's all. What's up with this house?"

"It's where I should move with Delilah. Don't expect much. But we'll be alone. Should I get something to nibble on?"

"I have to be at Travis's tonight."

"What time?"

"9-10? I don't know. Tonight."

He approves. He helps me put the groceries in the car and repeats that he’s waiting for me at that address. I go home, to Gerald’s. I put everything in the fridge and he’s not home, but I let him know that I’ve done the shopping for him. I sit on the couch. I wait. I wait. I don’t know what but I wait. I don’t move for more than half an hour. *So?* Travis texts me. *Are you with him?* I look around. *Not yet. I should head over to him now though.* Write. Write. Write. *You can kiss him at most. I don’t mind a few kisses. I promise. After all, he was ready to share you with me too.* My eyebrows rise. I remember. But Hades’s motives were different then. *Okay. I’ll see how I go. I’ll be home by 11*. He sends me two hearts and tells me he’s waiting for me.