Chapter 22 Chapter 22
ALINA
A lot of time had passed since my heart started to soften towards Kai. Since the day he had brought me the chocolate from my pack, somehow I felt like I could warm up to him. Forgiving him did not seem that bad. He did not buy my forgiveness with a pack of exotic chocolate of course, but I just did not feel the same animosity towards him. The fact that he did that for me made me more happy than I have ever had. No one-except Xavier who cheated on me- showed me kindness like this. Maybe forgiving him was not that bad. He has also been coming to my room all the time to talk. He had brought me a stack of books to read, and I almost screamed with joy when I saw them. I never had access to books back in my pack, only when I was about to clean my father's library would I sneak and read some pages before he came back. He had never caught me trying to do that, but I did not want to imagine what would have happened if he did. But here, I could be myself. I could read a lot of pages every time I wanted, and it was the first taste of freedom I had ever had.
I felt like I did not want to leave anymore. Or at least not right now, until I was done relishing in all of the goodness here. I also started to feel more comfortable walking around the pack. The uneasiness that had settled in my chest when I first returned had lessened, and now I was able to roam the grounds without feeling like I was constantly being watched or judged. The fresh air helped clear my mind, though the weight of everything still hung heavy on my heart.
Today, I decided that I did not want to stay in the palace. It was risky to leave, but I wanted to experience and see the pack beyond the beauties of the palace. I went out and walked down the beautiful, clean streets. It was nothing like the Blackstone pack. I was making my way through one of the garden paths a park when I heard rustling behind me. My body tensed, and I immediately turned around to see what it was. My heart stopped when I saw him standing in front of me.
Xavier.
He looked disheveled, his hair messy, his clothes wrinkled, and dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't slept in days. Seeing him standing there, in this place, was like a punch to the gut. My heart clenched painfully, the memories of everything he had done flooding back in an instant. I felt my stomach constrict and I instantly started to feel nervous.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I demanded, my voice sharp. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to smack him so he would feel the pain of what he had done to me a thousand times over. I had almost lost myself and hurt my baby because I was wallowing in what was possibly the biggest betrayal I have ever gone through.
Xavier took a step forward, his eyes desperate. "Alina, please," he said, his voice rough. "Just listen to me. I need to explain."
I shook my head, my pulse racing as I backed away from him, scared of how I was going to feel when he was anywhere near my proximity. I did not think my heart would be able to hold this kind of hate.
"Explain what? You already said enough when I found you with Nicki," I spat, the words bitter on my tongue. The wound was still fresh, and seeing him here now only made it worse.
"I made a mistake," Xavier pleaded, his voice breaking slightly. "What happened with Nicki-it wasn't what it looked like. It was a stupid, horrible mistake, and I'm so sorry."
I felt my heart twist painfully, but I kept my face hard, refusing to let him see the effect his words had on me. "You cheated on me," I said through gritted teeth. "That's not a 'mistake,' Xavier. You made a choice. A choice that ruined everything we ever had. Every promise you ever made and over word you ever uttered to me. I am never going to forgive you."
He reached out to touch my arm, his eyes pleading, but before his hand could make contact, I slapped him hard across the face. The sound echoed through the trees, sharp and loud. I had the thought of hitting him, but I did not think I would actually get through it. But I also did not know that he had the guts to try and touch me after what he did. The fact that he thought he could show up here looking like a stray dog and I would forgive him was beyond me.
"Don't you ever touch me again," I hissed," You lost the right to hold me when you betrayed me."
Xavier stood there, stunned, his hand instinctively going to his cheek where I had struck him. He looked at me with wide, pained eyes, but I didn't feel any sympathy. I was too hurt, too angry to care about his feelings.
"Alina," he said softly, his voice shaking. "I know I hurt you, but I'm begging you to listen. You can't stay here. Kai... he's going to hurt you. He doesn't care about you the way I do."
A bitter laugh escaped my lips before I could stop it. "Kai?" I said, my voice full of disbelief. The audacity he had to utter his name. He did not hurt me nearly the same way Xavier hurt me. "Kai can't hurt me more than you already did, Xavier. I trusted you. I let myself believe you were different, that I could have something real with you. But you threw that all away."
His face crumpled with regret, and he took another step toward me, his hands outstretched in a desperate gesture. "I know I messed up," he said quickly, his words tumbling out in a rush. "But this is not a game about who hurt you more. You can not stay with him because he hurt you less than I did. I do not want you to be here because we both know the kind of person he is. He is a spoiled selfish rich brat. He is always going to put his interests before yours."
I shook my head, "You are not the one to decide what I am going to do with my life, Xavier."
"But I still care about you, Alina. I still love you." He looked sad, and lost. I instantly wished I had the power to make him feel that way ten fold as I felt a cold wave of disbelief washed over me.
"Love me?" I repeated, my voice rising in anger. "You don't love me, Xavier. You lied to me. You told me you built this pack from scratch, that you were trying to make something good, but I know the truth now. I know you're part of a rebel pack. You've been lying to me from the start."
His eyes widened, and for a moment, he looked lost, like he wasn't sure what to say. "It's not like that," he insisted, shaking his head. "I was trying to protect you. I didn't want you to get involved in all of this."
I felt my hands tremble with fury, my entire body shaking with the weight of his betrayal. I had hoped that Kai was not telling the truth about him. I could not believe that I was living- and even felt in love with a liar.
"Protect me?" I cried, my voice raw with emotion. "By lying to me? By cheating on me? You don't know the first thing about protecting me."
Xavier reached out again, but I took a step back, putting more distance between us. "Alina, please," he begged, his voice cracking. "I know I made mistakes, but I'm going to fix them. I will do whatever it is that you want. I will make this right. You do not even have to come with me somewhere else. I just do not want you to stay in this pack with that man."
I shook my head, tears burning in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. "It's too late," I whispered, my voice barely holding steady. "You can't fix this."
He opened his mouth to say something, but I couldn't bear to hear any more of his excuses, his lies. I turned and ran, my heart pounding in my chest, the wind whooshing past me as I sprinted back to the palace. I could hear Xavier calling after me, but I didn't stop. I didn't look back. I felt like I couldn't breathe, my chest tight with a mix of anger, pain, and betrayal. How dare he come here, after everything he had done? How dare he try to act like he still cared about me, like he could somehow make it all better with a few empty words?
Even told me that he loves me after what he did. That was a low that I did not think he was ever going to stoop to. Then again, I thought I knew him all of this while. Turned out I was wrong. The one person that I thought was going to be true to me had betrayed me and my trust. By the time I reached the safety of the palace, I was out of breath, my lungs burning. I stopped just inside the door, leaning against the wall, my mind spinning.
I pressed my hands to my face, willing myself to calm down, to breathe. But all I could think about was how everything had fallen apart so quickly. I was about to slump down to the ground, crippled from exhaustion when I felt two strong arms grab me from behind.