Chapter 60 HARPER
I was still mad about the whole ‘not kissing me thing’, but I had no idea how to tell Tyler that. Like, what was I even supposed to say? Ask him why he chose paying over kissing me in front of everyone? Tell him I was upset because he had been leading me on for weeks and I had actually expected my best friend to kiss me? That sounded pathetic even in my own head.
I groaned inwardly as I stepped out of his gate, the snow crunching lightly under my boots. I had thought we would hang out after his exercises and maybe do something fun for winter break, but ever since that bonfire dare yesterday, I could barely look at him for more than a few seconds without finding a new reason to get irritated.
And I knew some of it was not even his fault. I was just… annoyed at everything. Myself included.
Now that I had left earlier than planned, I stood on the sidewalk with no idea what to do with my day. I took out my phone to call Megan, hoping to distract myself with something mindless. Maybe we could watch a movie or bake something or complain about school. Anything that would stop me from thinking about Tyler and the stupid almost kiss dare.
But before the call could go through, my mom’s name flashed across my screen.
I froze.
The last time she called, I had braced myself for yelling about the Racquel drama, but she only wanted to check on Tyler’s progress. This time, I had no clue what she wanted, but the tension crept up my spine quickly. Even though the drama was a week old, my mom could hold onto anger like her life depended on it.
“Heyy, momm,” I said in a light, sing-song tone, trying to soften whatever mood she was calling with.
“Harper, darling, are you okay?”
My brows knitted together. “Yeah. I’m good. Is something wrong?”
She inhaled the way she did when she was trying to choose her words carefully. “I received a call from your father’s attorney this morning. Has he spoken to you yet? About appearing in court to give your statement?”
My stomach dropped.
Right. The divorce. The thing I had been trying very hard not to think about.
And of course she brought it up now, while she was still somewhere halfway across the world instead of home. Not even here to comfort me. Not even pretending to. Just a call. A phone call like this was something casual.
My grip tightened on my phone. “No. He hasn’t said anything.”
“Harper, he needs your statement soon. They want to move quickly. They need to know which parent you want to stay with.”
I shut my eyes, heat rising in my throat. “I told you guys I didn’t want to be involved. I’m not even eighteen. They can’t force me.”
“Sweetheart, the judge might want to hear your preference.”
“And what if I don’t have one?” My voice came out harsher than I meant. “Because neither of you are here. He is caught up in work, and you’re traveling like nothing is happening. Why should I choose?”
There was silence on her end. Long, heavy silence.
“Harper, that isn’t fair.”
“Is it not? You’re asking me to pick sides in something I didn’t create. I don’t care who gets me. I’m staying right where I am and I’m not going to court. If Dad asks, I’m not going.” My voice shook, but I held firm. “I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Harper, please listen. This is important for your future.”
I swallowed hard. “I don’t care about the future right now. I just want my parents to stop acting like I’m some kind of object they’re dividing.”
Another silence.
I didn’t wait for her to speak. “I have to go.”
“Harper…”
“Bye, Mom.”
I hung up.
The cold air stung my face immediately, but it was nothing compared to the tightness in my chest. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop my eyes from burning. My mom should have been home. She should have been hugging me or yelling in person or something. Anything other than calling from a different timezone.
I needed a distraction. Fast.
I turned down the road and headed straight for Megan’s house. I didn’t bother calling again. I just wanted to see her and curl up on her bed and complain about everything until the tension melted out of me.
But when I knocked and her door swung open, it wasn’t Megan who stood there.
It was Mark.
He blinked at me, surprised. “Oh. Harper. Hey.”
I tried not to sigh too loudly. “Is Megan home?”
He shook his head. “She went out with mom. I’m the only one here. You want to come in?”
I hesitated, but the cold was biting through my jacket and I didn’t feel like walking back home with all my thoughts.
“Yeah. Sure.”
Inside was warm and familiar. The Lockwood’s house had always been a second home for me, and even though she wasn’t around, the place still smelled like vanilla candles and laundry detergent. Mark went to drop his headphones on the table and turned toward the kitchen.
“You want something to drink? Soda or juice?”
Something inside me twisted. Soda sounded too normal, too cheerful. I wanted something that would quiet the ache in my chest. Something to blur the harsh edges of today.
“Do you have anything stronger?” I asked quietly.
He paused and looked at me. “Like what?”
“I don’t know. Anything. A can. Whatever you have.”
He didn’t question me. Maybe he saw something in my face. Maybe he had been bored enough to not care. He just nodded and came back with a can of something that definitely wasn’t soda.
I took it and sat on the couch, cracking it open. The first sip burned, but in a good way. A warm, loosening way.
Mark sat across from me. He looked unsure, like he was weighing whether to ask what was wrong.
The drink made me answer before he even spoke.
“My parents are getting a divorce.”
His posture straightened a little. “Oh. Harper. I’m sorry.”
“It’s whatever.” I took another long sip. “I don’t care. I mean, obviously I care, but not in the way people think I should. I’m not sad. Or maybe I am. I don’t know. I’m just tired.”
He didn’t interrupt.
“They want me to pick who I want to live with.” I scoffed. “Like I’m choosing between two houses. Like I’m a couch or something. And my mom isn’t even here. She’s calling me from some hotel room, asking me if Dad has bothered me yet with stupid court things.”
“I didn’t know things were that bad,” he said softly.
“Well, they are.” I leaned back, letting my head sink into the cushion. The drink made my limbs feel lighter. “Sometimes I feel like nobody actually loves me. My mom loves traveling. My dad loves working. Tyler loves… I don’t even know what he loves. But it’s definitely not me.”
Mark’s eyebrows lowered the slightest bit. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
“You don’t have to lie. I’m not even embarrassed right now. I’m just saying whatever I feel.” The room tilted faintly, and I giggled without meaning to. “I feel like a spare part. Replaceable. Moveable. Something people pick up and drop off whenever they want.”
Mark moved to sit next to me, slowly, as if approaching a scared animal. “Harper, people care about you more than you think.”
“Do they?” I laughed again, but it cracked. “Because it doesn’t feel like it.”
He reached out and gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. My heart skipped a little, but I didn’t fully register it. My head was too warm.
“Anyone would be lucky to care about you,” he said quietly.
I looked at him. Really looked. His face was closer than I expected, and for a moment my thoughts paused, softened by the alcohol and the closeness and the loneliness.
Then he leaned in.
And kissed me.
And I kissed him back.
It was slow and soft and warm, and my chest tightened in a way that made my eyes flutter shut. I didn’t think. I didn’t analyze. I didn’t compare it to the kiss I had wanted last night at the bonfire.
I just let it happen.
Because for once, someone wanted me without hesitation.
And for that moment, it felt like enough.