Chapter 8 XADEN
Chapter 8
XADEN
Don’t look back.
Don’t you fucking look back.
Do not be a pervert and turn around Xaden.
I slammed my eyes shut, fist clenched to my wet pants. I bit my lower lip until it drew blood. My eyes slammed shut so tightly that I could feel my eyeballs crushing.
Sloane is behind me, taking a shower, I can hear the water dripping down her body, colliding with her skin, I can hear the gentle scrubs of her hands over her body.
I wish that were my hand… I wish I were the water flowing down her body… God, please help me.
“Clothes!” I heard her whisper. The water had stopped running and my back was still turned to her.
Thank you Lord for helping me maintain control of myself.
I handed her the clothes without turning around.
The last thing I want… no, I do not want Sloane to hate me again. The anger that glowed in her eyes when she saw me walk in when she moved in, the annoyance that filled her eyes while we sat on the same table that night to eat, I don’t want to see it again.
I heard her body colliding with her clothes… too bad… My clothes really looked good on her.
I thought I was going to lose my mind when she walked in wearing my joggers and a t-shirt. They looked so big on her, almost like she was thrown into them but they sat on her body so well, like the clothes were waiting for her to wear them.
The way she tied her hair up, revealing her beautiful collar bone… it took every ounce of self-control in me not to run over to her, grab her, and press my lips on hers.
I missed her.
I knew I missed.
I never stopped missing her.
Jane made sure to mock me with it anytime she forced me to the bar, she made sure to remind me that the reason I can’t look at another woman is that I still want Sloane.
Sloane was still the woman I wanted to have, to kiss, to touch, to fuck breathlessly…. Sloane was still the only one I wanted, and until she tells me to fuck up and get married to another dude and is living happily, I don’t think I’ll ever move on from her.
“You should change too.” her gentle voice yanked me out of my thoughts. And I turned to her.
Her wet eyes gazing at me with this look I am not sure I can define. She doesn't look like she hates me. She also doesn't look like she likes me. She doesn't look like she is angry either.
She was standing in front of me, the smell of her shampoo and soap filling my nostrils. I wanted to cup her cheeks and press my forehead on hers.
But that would have been weird.
It’s so hard keeping my hands to myself around her… God, I want to touch her.
“Are you listening?” she muffled.
My eyes flickered and I nodded. She handed me back my joggers and shirt. I wanted her to have it. I wanted her to wear it again, so I can use it as an excuse to touch her or kiss her or… Okay… I shouldn't be around her… yeah… my second head is starting to think for me and it’s not going to end well.
She opened the door and walked out and locked me inside.
“Why are you locking your bathroom door?”I heard Jasper ask, my bratty little brother who had hated me for as long as I could remember.
It started right after Sloane’s birthday… actually, right after our father died. This hate from wherever towards me just consumed him, if we had the slightest argument, he’d yell and talk shit about me.
At first, I thought it was because he found out I had kissed Sloane and ditched her… after all, they were best friends, I thought he was fighting for his best friend but he wasn’t… he didn't even know about the kiss.
So why does he hate me so much?
I stopped asking myself that question two years ago. Jasper is an adult, if I did something wrong, he has a mouth and hands, if he can’t tell me, he would write to me, and if he doesn't… Fuck him!
“The faucet is broken,” I heard her lie. I had fixed this bathroom for a while, I shamelessly kept ruining it and fixing it back just because I wanted to stay in the same space with her.
The faucet would have taken what? Let’s say five minutes max to fix?
But what the hell are you talking about… this is my chance to be in the same space with her, of course I'll make good use of it, even if it means I have to damage the faucet, fix it, and damage it again and fix it.
And now, I sat, arms wrapped around my chest and I heard Jasper and Sloane talk. Laughing and talking about things I am seventy percent sure, Sloane doesn't care about.
I know Sloane, I know her so damn well.
The first time she caught my eye, she was fifteen and I was twenty… Hold on… do not get me wrong okay…. I am not some pedophile. I didn't do anything…She was beautiful and smart and she had a bad mouth.
Who says fuck at the age of fifteen?
Then I realized she took after Aunty Julia, the badass detective I have met in my entire life.
That day, Sloane and Jasper fought, I was preparing to leave for college and there she was, sitting by the lake.
“That little fucker!”
“Who the fuck does he think he is?”
“That crazy fucking mouth of his!”
“I should rip it open and shove it up his ass… that dirty pig!”
“Ah… the more I think about what he said the more he makes me fucking angry!”
“What? Is pop music razz? What a load of bull! Who gave him the right to trash my music!”
“That jerk!”
And the bad words kept falling out and I just stood there, jaw dropped, looking at this girl who had always come over to our house, wearing an innocent smile and playing chess games with Jasper.
I remember my mum saying she took after her father but what the hell? She took after her mother!
Sloane didn't know I was listening and when she finally caught me… more like saw me listening to every foul word that came to her mouth…, like a drama queen she went on her knees and hurled the words out of her mouth, “Fuck, I’ve been caught!”