Chapter 53– Hera
Chapter 53– Hera
If only my thinking faculties would just cooperate with the more rational part of my head that wants to keep my wits: ‘It's all in your head, you self-saboteur. Are you addicted to your own suffering or what? There is nothing there.’
Nothing is there.
So why do I pause for what seems like an eternity at the threshold of the woods that lead up the hill where my house is located? If there really is nothing there– here meaning, Czar– why am I so hesitant?
“It's just vegetation,” I whisper under my breath. “You know this place like the back of your hand, Hera. You’ve passed by here a million times and even better… once you're through he won't be able to reach you. You won't have to worry about whatever the fuck his problem is.”
Now I'm talking to myself.
God, if I'm about to lose my mind, just say so.
But silence just greets me… not that I expected a response in the first place. If I had gotten one I would have gone off the deep end without hesitation.
Past that, after nearly an eternity of contemplation later, I finally step foot on the dirt path that leads into the wilderness and begin my journey. I don't quite run but my steps are hurried and I keep staring back as I move, uneasy, until I finally see what I've been expecting– the truth, because heaven knows I’ve been lying to myself pretending like I don't know Czar is still on my trail. Mere minutes into my walk I see him following slowly but steadily… until I head for the curve that leads to North Manor.
To say he sprints for me is an understatement. He leaps after my frame like an animal and before I can tell what is happening I am already running in the opposite direction, panting so much I forget I'm supposed to be breathing at some point. The more I run the more I reach dead ends, here meaning finding him standing right before me or too near for comfort, prompting me to dash down some other route, away from the freakish neon crosses and eerie interlaced grin.
It is not until I happen on a clearing that I realize that forget chasing me away, he's actually… leading me somewhere. I study my environment and notice a structure up ahead. It looks abandoned but not in totally poor shape and since Czar has forbidden me from heading home, I decide I might as well see what the big idea is. Grass scrubs my boots, coating it in dew as I head for the main doors and the moon is high up in the sky, illuminating the space, reminding me all too well that I just stumbled upon a building in a part of Bumfuck Novadale’s main woodland that I am not familiar with, semi-chased by my former stalker, contracted private detective and now groping buddy.
‘Not lover?’ The words bounce off the walls of my skull with emphasis that numbs me for a split second. ‘’Cause you both seem to like to engage in a lot of love-making if we're being candid with ourselves.’
Nice try but um, nope.
Forget being in a relationship, Czar and I are not even friends despite everything we have in common; everything we've done with and to each other or the fact that my hormones sing his very name. In fact, I find that singular detail about my anatomy very annoying to begin with. No, he’s not my lover, just the primary inducer of all my frustrations and now I'm stuck here with him.
I try not to think about how a part of me that has stopped beating too loudly to hear itself is sort of ... thrilled– lacking glucose, spent, yet surprisingly excited by the thought of being here alone with the man that has begun to steal my waking days and nights. That confused part that sort of still knows what exactly it wants is asking what is here? What does Czar want to show me? He rarely does anything without the desire to prove some point or the other– for instance, my deliberate yet still unintentional act of nearly doublecrossing him tonight.
Too eager to put myself out of my misery I head for the main doors and push them open half a second upon reaching. The first thing I meet is a hall with about six medium-sized windows spread across. Dust clings to the air, the silence is thunderous and moonlight seeps in in rays, providing a bit of illumination as I make my way across but I proceed anyway. Something shuffles by and I step back for it to pass because heaven forbid I step on some rabid squirrel’s tail, get bitten and become Rodent Lady, defender of small creatures The Fifth.
When all is quiet again, I begin moving until I reach the center of the room, still listening for the footsteps that have been hounding me since I left the bar.
They're gone now.
Am I alone? In a forest as thick as this, inside some possibly haunted structure crawling with homeless woodland animals and noisy flying insects, emphatically abandoned with no idea how I got here and the route that will lead me back.
Yet suddenly being alone in a place like this is not as bad as being followed here by Czar. I know for a fact that he is more dangerous than all the predators hiding in these woods combined. So I should be happy. But just when I'm about to turn I feel it– the shuffle of something feathery… fingers brushing lightly over a dry surface.
In another second the whole space is awash with a bright amber glow. Apparently, the dusty bulbs hanging all over the place like fruits… actually work. And yes, Czar is standing behind me. Not a few paces, a number of meters or a few yards but right behind me.
“You are such a loner.” I don't even turn to look at him as I say this because I know I'll only be met with that mask again so instead I examine my surroundings properly in the new illumination.