Chapter 78 Any Regrets
Lila POV
I knew Nico didn’t exactly sell cookies for a living. I, more than anyone, knew he was no goddamn saint. After everything that had happened, I was fully aware of the Fattore family’s power, that they were a force to be reckoned with. I just didn’t know exactly how powerful they were…how powerful he was but maybe that was his plan, the reason he decided to make me his shadow for the day.
The reason he dressed me up and had me seated next to him at the breakfast table as if everything between us were normal which it wasn’t. He wanted to show me exactly what kind of man he was, what kind of power and authority pulsed through his veins. This family was no low-life drug dealers or slave traders. They were dealing with illegal weapons, supplying it to the government. Thinking about it that way actually made it sound less illegal.
I kept my head down. The piece of bacon I was chewing was impossible to swallow. And I couldn’t even look at the slice of toast that was still on my plate. My appetite had vanished, and for the first time since we left the bedroom half an hour ago, I wanted to go back. I wanted to close the bedroom door and separate myself from reality and once again lose myself in our world. Unfortunately I was intelligent enough to know that was no longer an option for me. That option disappeared the second I stepped foot out of that bedroom wearing a pair of five hundred dollar Louis Vuitton shoes.
The silence hanging around us like thick smoke suffocated the conversation. I could see by the tick in Nico jaw and the way his scar seemed to move next to his eye that he was pissed. It scared me knowing that he was angry. He was a walking stick of dynamite that threatened to go off at any moment. I might not be in shackles or locked between four walls, but I was still here by his choice…not mine.
I wiped my mouth with the napkin and continued to look down. “I’m sorry,” I whispered and glanced at him. He didn’t reply or respond in any way. Not even with a twitch of his lip or a nod of his head.
“Uncle Lucas, is everything in place for our new recruit?”
“Yes. Everything is in place.”
“And our other little problem?”
“Ready for you to deal with.”
“Good.” He tossed his napkin on his plate. “Uncle Lucas, would you mind giving me and Lila a few minutes alone?”
My heart skipped a beat, and my entire body went cold. I looked at him, hoping to see some kind of reassurance that maybe he was no longer angry with me. I needed some kind of sign that would ease the threatening panic looming in the pit of my stomach.
“Of course.” Uncle Lucas got up from his seat and left the dining room, closing the door behind him, leaving me with a man whose entire demeanor spoke of irritation and anger.
“I’m sorry, Nico. I didn’t”
“You spoke out of place.”
“I know. It won’t happen again.”
His fingers toyed with the seam of his napkin, and he still didn’t look at me. “How do you feel about it?”
I frowned. “About what?”
“About what we do.”
“Dealing with illegal weapons?”
He nodded, still staring at the napkin on the table. I shifted in my seat. “I don’t think I’m in a position to feel anything when it comes to that.”
“Are you saying it doesn’t bother you?”
“I’m saying I choose to keep my opinion to myself, for now.”
For the first time in what seemed like hours, he looked at me. His eyes, his face, he was completely unreadable. Nothing about the way he stared at me gave me any clue as to what was going on inside his head.
He stood up from his chair, and my heart felt like it was about to crack through my ribs. With slow yet confident steps he started to walk around the table dragging his fingers across the white tablecloth.
“I warned you the day I killed Rex to not mistake me for the hero.”
My heart beat wildly as I watched his every move. He stopped at the end of the table, picking up a silver knife. “I told you I was the villain, the monster.” He brushed the pad of this thumb across the blade of the knife then looked at me from across the table. “Did you think I was lying?”
With my hands on my lap, I nervously tangled my fingers together. “I don’t remember what I was thinking.”
“What do you remember?”
“I remember feeling relieved. Thankful that you saved me from an even worse fate.”
“Worse than what?”
I swallowed hard, not knowing if I had the right answer to that.
“Worse than what, little pet?”
I scraped together the courage and looked up at him. “Worse than being your prisoner and worse than being chained, naked, and beaten in front of a room full of men whose eyes showed the depths of their hatred for me.”
Slowly he started toward me. “Oh yes. That was the day you begged me not to leave you. The day you said you felt safer with me than with the rest of the men there.”
I felt the cold sting of stainless steel against the skin of my neck, and I closed my eyes listening to the rampant beating of my heart.
“I warned you that day too, didn’t I, little mouse?”
“Warned me about what?”
Slowly he dragged the edge of the knife across my throat. I swallowed, and the movement made the blade press harder against my skin.
“I warned you not to feel safe with me.”
“And look what happened after that.” I kept my eyes shut as I felt him pull the blade across the pulsing vein at the side of my neck. One wrong move, just one flick of his wrist, and he could end me. It would only take the time of a single breath for him to kill me, to let my blood seep out of my body but instead of feeling terrified by the thought, I felt exhilarated. My body didn’t react with any kind of fight or flight instinct, only a desire that both thrilled and alarmed me. Why am I not scared? Is it because I trust him?
The sharp point of the knife pressed deeper into my skin. “And what exactly happened after that?” His voice sounded deep, low…dangerous.
“Everything changed.”
“Maybe you’re being foolish to believe that.”
I knew I was playing Russian roulette with the devil, but my shadowed soul loved the game.
I cleared my throat softly. “You killed a man. You pressed a gun against your cousin’s skull and pulled the trigger, painting my prison walls with his blood in order to keep me from being raped. Tell me, Nico, was there even a second that you regretted doing that? That you regretted pulling that trigger?”