Chapter 59 Only for me
Nico POV
It’s been four days since all hell broke loose in what Lila called the dining hall of horrors. Four days since she lost her father. Four days since I killed my mother.
Four days since the war started.
I was standing by the window of a bedroom in Uncle Lucas house. We’ve been taking up residence in his house since Damon, the smug son of a bitch, claimed the Moretti mansion, as well as half of the associates.
Lucky for me, I had Uncle Lucas support, which also meant I had the support of his associates. I needed all the support I could get if I wanted to win this war against Damon a war between brothers.
He blamed me for killing our mother, and rightfully so. I blamed myself. But when it came to choosing between two lives with only a split second to make a decision, there was no question in my mind. There was not a chance in hell that I would have let my mother hurt Lila no one will ever hurt Lila…except me. She was mine, and I would protect her by any means necessary.
So much has happened, and both Lila and I had lost someone we cared about. But it was her I worried about the most. The blue eyes that always stared back at me had lost their radiance. They were dull, lifeless, completely void of everything. Not that I blamed her. She lost her father. She lost the image she had of a man she once loved…my brother, who turned out to be just as wicked as my mother was. Everything was taken away from her, and instead of mourning the loss, she seemed to have embraced it. It hardened her, and that’s another thing I blamed myself for.
I thought back to when all this happened, when I rushed over here to see if she was okay. So much blood was shed, blood that stained the clothes I wore.
The second I rushed through the front door and saw her sitting on the steps, Matteo standing a few feet away, a bone numbing relief flowed through me. I had never been so relieved in my life. It was a selfish relief, I know. I was relieved that she was okay because the thought of no longer having her scared the shit out of me.
Lila wasn’t crying. She wasn’t shaking. She was just sitting there staring right in front of her…until she saw me. For a second something bright passed through her sapphire eyes, but as quickly as it came, it vanished. We didn’t talk. I had nothing to say, and neither did she. Bullets, and screams, and dead bodies had spoken plenty already.
I picked her up, carried her to the nearest bedroom and we both showered in silence. It felt like hours that we just stood there, no words, no emotions just us. After that she started to thaw a little but something was missing inside her, and by God I wanted it back.
The door of the en-suite bathroom opened and lila walked out with a towel wrapped around her body. Drops of water were still running down the inside of her thighs and legs, her blonde hair darkened, hanging in a disarray of perfection. I stared at her, and cursed the raging hard on that pressed painfully against my zipper. I haven’t touched her since we arrived here. No matter how fucking twisted it was between us, I couldn’t touch her while I knew she was grieving while I was grieving. But as I stared at her now, I knew it had been too fucking long, and my body demanded that I claim her, the beast clawing and pacing behind its cage to feed on the warped delight that was her body.
She dropped the towel and glanced over her shoulder. “You’re allowed to touch me.”
I sauntered toward her, and heard her suck in a breath as I slowly traced my finger down her spine. “Where is my little mouse?”
“She’s here.”
“No she’s not.”
Lila turned to face me. “If you thought that after what happened I would still be the same woman I was, you’re the one who’s naïve.”
“I just”
She grabbed my hand and placed it against her chest. “My heart no longer beats right. I heard all the lies, and I watched my father die. Your family thought I took everything from them, when in fact they took everything from me. From the start Nikolai had planned on taking from me. So tell me, Nico, how do I remain the same person when I now carry all the ugly truths inside me?”
My heart shattered for her, my chest ached for her, but my body also burned for her.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
She smiled. “You were right.”
“About what?”
“Ignorance is bliss. I would do anything, anything to get rid of the knowledge that’s tearing me apart inside. And you know what? I now empathize with your dead mother. Now I understand the need she had for revenge…because that same need is killing me slowly from the inside. And I’ve been fighting that need for the last few days, constantly trying to dig deep enough to find the person I was, because I do not want to be like your mother. I do not want to turn into a person obsessed with revenge and retaliation.”
She guided my hand over her body, my gaze pinned on hers.
“You don’t have to worry about that, little pet. Because you are only one thing” I grabbed a fist full of her hair and jerked her neck back, my lips softly finding her skin “you are mine, and to me that’s all you ever will be…mine.”
Her breathing got heavy, and my body was humming, I demanded to be inside her. I lowered my hand and cupped her, earning a needy gasp from her lips. “This is how I know you are mine, whether you want to be or not.” I slipped a finger inside her. “Your body wants me, it drips for me, and only me.”