Chapter 126 The Clean Up
Lila POV
The first thing I heard was his voice. “Nico,” I whispered, my mind completely fogged but I tried to move past the haze and I tried to focus, but I couldn’t. “Lila.”
There, It was his voice again. “Lila. Wake up.”
“Nico.” My mind grew clearer and clearer, reality forcing its way back in but the more I remembered, the more I wanted to forget.
“Lila.”
I finally opened my eyes and for a moment panic shot through my body like an electric current. “It’s me, Lila.” He grabbed my hand and placed it against his scar. “It’s me, Nico.”
All I saw was Nikolai face, the face of the fucking devil that ripped my baby from my body and the demon that murdered my soul.
I moved my legs, and the cold, wet sheets made my whimper and I felt it immediately. The loss, the emptiness inside me and I could feel it was no longer there. The life, the baby and the two pink lines was gone.
“Lila?” The face next to me drew my attention and even though I felt the scar beneath my palm, I still saw Nikolai.
I started to shake, screams escaping my throat like squeals straight from hell. I closed my eyes, thrashing violently on the bed. I was dead even my soul was dead. I was no longer a human being. “Lila, stop!”
But I didn’t because I couldn’t. The pain was just too much and I felt on the inside was too fucking much then two hands gripped my head tight. “Look at me.”
I tried to jerk my face free. “Look at me, little ort!”
And then I stilled those who words finally managed to reach through my soul and touching my heart then gradually I opened my eyes and stared at the face in front of me and when I saw the elongated pupil, the only thing Nikolai couldn’t fake, I cried. Tears streamed down my face, and my cheeks burned with every drop.
“Nico,” I sobbed, and he pulled me hard against his chest. “I’m here, baby. I’m here.”
He hugged me so tight I could hardly suck in a breath but I didn’t care because I didn’t want to breathe and It hurt too much.
I wanted to go back in time and change everything that happened.
I want to go back and have that life back inside me. “Shhhh,” he cooed as I cried into his chest. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
I cried so hard as grief and pain possessed me. “You left.”
“I know, and I’m so sorry.”
And then anger. “You fucking left!” I slammed my fists into his chest, crying, screaming. “You fucking left! You left!” I couldn’t stop.
I couldn’t stop hurting him and I wanted him to feel my pain, my hurt, and I kept on hitting him.
All he did was sit there, allowing me to take out every ounce of rage I had in me.
He let me hit him. He let me hurt him until I had no more strength left.
I sobbed, wept like all hope in the world had been lost.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispered as he pulled my face back to his chest and my body shook, my insides torn apart.
I never knew something could hurt so much.
“Someone get me some warm water and a towel.”
He brushed his fingers through my hair.
“Lila, I need you to do something for me.”
He leaned back so that he could look at me. “I need you to close your eyes and no matter what, do not open them.
Can you do that for me?”
I nodded, because deep down I knew why.
“Good.” He placed a kiss on my forehead.
“Now close your eyes.”
I closed my eyes, and he moved away and my heart pounded then my broken soul sobbed as I felt Nico move around the bed.
I felt him pull the sheets from beneath me, and in my mind I imagined what the sheets had to look like.
I wasn’t far along, only a few weeks so it couldn’t have been more than just blood and clots. My two pink lines.
Tears continued to move down my cheeks.
“I need you to open your legs for me, okay?”
I hesitated as soft moans and whimpers escaping me.
Oh God, my two pink lines. “Please, Lila. Let me take care of you.”
Slowly I opened my legs, and when I felt the wet towel, I sucked in a breath.
For the entire time Nico cleaned me, I bit down on my tongue, trying to choke back sobs.
His touch was so gentle, so soft as he continued to clean my inner thighs, my legs, my behind but the pain was still there, eating away at my insides, poisoning me, killing me.
“Don’t open your eyes but I need you to lift your arms.”
I obeyed…like the good little pet that I was.
He slowly, gently pulled the rag over my shoulders and head and then I felt soft fabric being pulled over my arms.
My two pink lines, my heart sunk.
The mattress dipped. “You can open your eyes now.”
I didn’t want to because I wanted to stay in the dark world of my mind and I didn’t want to see color or acknowledge my reality.
I didn’t want to face the world where everything got taken away from me, where other people played God with my life, pulling all the strings and deciding my fate.
“Open your eyes, Lila.”
I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth, choking on more tears. “Open them.”
And I did, I managed to open my eyes and stare at the face I loved so much.
His gaze never left mine as he slowly, gently buttoned up the shirt he had placed over my arms and shoulders.
It was his shirt, since he wasn’t wearing one anymore.
I could see in his eyes that he knew. He knew everything and I also saw my pain reflected in his dark irises because we both lost so much.
Someone snorted from across the room. “So considerate of you, brother, cleaning away the last remains of what once was your bastard child.”
The sound of his voice made my skin crawl.
“It’s a shame you couldn’t have been here earlier when most of it came down.
It was quite the bloody show.”