Chapter 3

It’s difficult because he doesn’t see Evie as often as he’d like. In an ideal world, he and Marian would live together, maybe even get married; he would be there in the morning when Evie awoke and he’d kiss her when he tucked her into bed every night.

But things are far from ideal. Marian may be the mother of his child, but he doesn’t love her. He never did. Theirs was a rebound relationship from the start. Marian Jacobs had just broken things off with her long-time fiancé, and Gavin burned from learning his live-in lover had been cheating on him. What made things worse was that, while Gavin was holding office hours, the Jerk was seeing students off-campus in the townhouse they shared. Gavin found out and left, moving into what was supposed to have been a temporary apartment that soon became permanent. When he heard the Jerk was trolling frat parties looking to score, he thought two could play that game, and crashed a cast party the drama club was throwing after a successful run of Guys and Dolls

There he met Marian, a part-time adjunct who also had a bit role in the play as one of Miss Adelaide’s Alley Kittens. She was still dressed in a provocative little cat costume, which was what drew Gavin to her in the first place. In his mind, she was as different from the Jerk as a person could be—female, for one, and pert and blond and pretty, for two and three and four. A little flirting in the corner, a couple beers laced with what tasted like Kahlúa, and before the evening was over, the two of them were half-undressed and fumbling towards orgasm in the hall closet.

If that had been the end of it, Evie would be someone else’s daughter, not Gavin’s. Though he and Marian weren’t ever officially “a couple,” and he still thought of himself as gay, they still met for the occasional booty call. After a bad date, he knew he could call her up and lose himself in her for a few hours, no questions asked. She did the same, dropping by his place to crash when she couldn’t, or wouldn’t, make it home. They could go weeks without seeing each other—Gavin even met a guy he was sort of serious with for a little while, and Marian patched things up with the fiancé at one point. But they always seemed to gravitate towards each other again, hungry for a warm body and hot sex, and not much else.

Then she got pregnant.

Though she claimed from the beginning the baby was his, Gavin had his doubts. How many other guys did she screw around with? He didn’t know, and didn’t really want to ask. It wasn’t until Evie was born that he knew for certain, and it wasn’t because of the paternity test Marian insisted on. From the very start, Evie had his chameleon eyes, the same hazel hue that turned blue in some lights, green in others, and every now and then flashed an almost cat-like gold. And the first time she opened those eyes to look at him, Gavin felt everything inside him turn to mush. This was his daughter, no doubt about it.

For a short while, he tried to make things work with Marian. But as much as he enjoyed the sex, he wasn’t being true to himself. He didn’t love her, and he knew he never would. They didn’t need a judge to work things out, though. He agreed to pay for Evie’s expenses, whatever they might be, at an uneven eighty/twenty split, and in exchange, he spent every other weekend with his daughter, as well as a full month over the summer and the days after Christmas until she had to go back to school.

As much as Gavin would like to be a full-time father, Evie’s quite a handful. Marian agreed to so much visitation because she, too, needs a rest sometimes. Already Gavin looks forward to dropping Evie off at her elementary school Monday morning, even though he hates himself for it. Was he such a handful at her age?

He suspects the answer might be yes. That would explain why every memory of his as a child involved one or both of his parents with a stiff drink in hand. It’s not even 9:30 in the morning, and he’s already wondering if wherever they go for lunch will serve alcohol. Then again, hard liquor got him where he was in the first place.

He loves Evie with all his heart, he does. But he doesn’t understand where she gets all her energy from, because he’s already ready to call it a night, and the day hasn’t even started yet. 3

Gavin helps Evie get dressed, but it’s more than a little difficult because every few moments, she shrieks in his ear, “Don’t look!” or “You’re peeking!” Even once her underwear’s in place, she still doesn’t want him looking at her. “I’m in my panties!” she cries. “You promised not to look!”

Absently, he wonders if the neighbors in the apartment below his can hear her and, if so, what they might possibly be thinking. The way she says every word—half-laughter, half-scream—will have Child Protection Services knocking down the door any moment. “Evie, please,” Gavin cautions. “Use your inside voice.”

“I aminside!” she squeals.