Not Alone

Not Alone
Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Demetri brought his little one home covered in blood. As soon as she arrived, she limped to the bathroom. She shut the door on his face, not wanting him to see her body. Pulling herself into the shower, she scrubbed her skin. Scrubbed it until it burned, scrubbed until her hands shook from the pain and when she arose from the shower, she sobbed realizing she didn’t have any clothes. She couldn’t let Demetri see her nude, she couldn’t let anyone see. And as she looked at his shirt, she slumped down to the floor. He’d seen so much when he walked in. He knew that Sam had touched her. How could he possibly want her after that? How could he possibly still love her?

Alexus limped to the closet and grabbed her clothes. Demetri watched her, immediately noticing she wouldn’t look at him. “I-I can leave.” He said finally. He heard her sniffle.

"Thank you.” She said low, as she watched him leave the room. She didn’t want him to leave, but she couldn’t let him see. Her body now her shame. Its curves now the roadmap of the violation. Its hue, the darkened truth of non-consent. And the more she looked down at it, the more she grew to hate it. It was because of her body, that she was attacked in the first place. So she put back the initial items she picked, and pulled out a baggy shirt and ill-fitting sweatpants. Pairing it with big socks, she made sure no one would ever see her body again.

She pulled herself into the bed, and that’s where she remained. Sleeping constantly, sometimes violently thrashing as Sam’s face came into view. The way it morphed into his father's, the way both of their hands caressed her thighs and kissed her mouth. The way they saw too much, even when she begged them not to see. Alexus cried until she couldn’t anymore, so instead, she just stared at the ceiling. Listening to the drowning words of her sisters, as they came and laid beside her. Absorbing the laughs of her niece and nephew as they tried their best in their baby way to make her smile.

She couldn’t face her brothers, they visited often and spoke outside the door. But she couldn't face them because then they would see, and she couldn’t let them see. But perhaps the person who terrified her the most was the one who had her heart. His blue eyes, his beautiful soul that made her fall more and more in love. Alexus wanted to lay in his arms, for him to hold her tight, but then he would see how much pain she was in, and she couldn’t let him see.

She stopped bathing, stopped combing her hair, she just wanted to rest. Because at least in those quiet moments, she didn’t have to see herself. Demetri tried his best to help her, but he didn’t know how. She flinched whenever he went near her, so eventually, he just stood by the door. He would talk to her even though she never responded. Endure the smell of her not bathing. He read books, talked to her sisters, anything to figure out how to help.

He brought Diane to live with them, and it was the first time she saw her move at all. Her mother held her close and whispered.

“It’s okay to let us see.” He heard Alexus sob, and she hugged Diane back.

“I-I don’t know what I did to make-“ Diane shook her head.

“Nothing. You hear me. Nothing. This.is.not.your.fault.”

And her mother stayed in the bed with her for days, finally getting her to eat. Then one day, Diane came to Demetri’s office and patted him on the back. “Your turn” He shook his head.

"She doesn’t want me to go near her and I don’t want to make her feel-“ He placed his head in his hands. “I don’t know what to do.” Diane hugged him.

"You probably know more than any of us how to help.” Demetri looked to Mavier’s portrait.

"I know…you’re right.” He picked up his phone and made a call and waited for his guest to arrive the next day.

In the morning, he walked into the bedroom refusing to give in to the smell. He walked up to the bed and saw Alexus sleeping. “Little One” She winced, and he heard her stifle a cry. “Can I please help you shower or your mother can help if you rat-“ She turned to him. The blue of his eyes made her feel calm, it reminded her of the place the greatest man in the world had once taken her. She nodded, and took Demetri’s hand, seeing his eyes widen as she stood. She looked back to the pillow, her eyes lifeless.

“It’s been falling out.”

Demetri covered his mouth with his hand, then escorted her to the bath. She shut her eyes tightly, as he helped her undress. He bathed her and washed and brushed her hair trying his best not to fall apart. She’d lost so much weight in such a short time, and her hair came out in clumps. Alexus dressed, brushed her teeth, and he stopped her before she returned to the bed.

“Will you come downstairs with me?” She looked at him, finally agreeing once he said please.

Arriving downstairs, she saw a beautiful woman with cat-eye glasses, a form-fitting dress, and bright red hair. Alexus looked at Demetri. “This is Doctor Neal. She’s my therapist…she’s who’s been helping me with my anger.” He paused. “She also specializes in helping people who have been through sexual assault.”

Alexus eyes widened and they shot to Doctor Neal. “He hasn’t told me anything, Alexus. It’s not his to tell, it’s yours. The Primus has been kind enough to allow me to stay here for as long as we need. You don’t need to come to an office, you are my only client besides him. That is if you want. This is also your decision.”

Alexus lip trembled. Her mind going to a place she knew it shouldn’t. As if hearing her thoughts, Doctor Neal smiled. “Don’t worry. As great as the Primus is, he’s not my type…no man is.” She rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment, but for Demetri, it made him feel something. As though even if she couldn’t verbalize it, she still wanted to be with him. “I have my sessions on Thursday mornings, so any other time or day, she's all yours.” Alexus nodded her head.

"I want to start.” Demetri sighed in relief.

The first few weeks were rough. She could hardly talk. Seeing the beautiful doctor, made her hate her body more. But she was determined to fight, determined to get her life back. Determined to make sure Sam and his father saw that she wouldn’t be broken. And then one day after a shower, Alexus dropped her robe. She looked at her body and she felt beautiful again. Her curves belonged to her, the hue of her skin made her proud. Her hair was not her shame, it was a glowing crown of her recovery.

After two months, she asked the doctor for a favor, and she smiled and agreed. Talking to Demetri, they worked with everyone to gather the packs and the Clan. She stood in front of them. “I know I don’t have to do this. Demetri, Jordan, and Sterling made it clear I wouldn’t be punished for killing Sam. They made it clear no one was to harass or question me as to what happened.” She placed her hand to her chest. “But it’s my story…and I get to decide what to do with it. I want to tell you.” She saw nods, as she prepared herself to speak.

“Before I came here…I was sexually assaulted by a name named Johnathan Daniels, he was my chemistry professor.” Eyes widened around her, and some covered their mouths. “It was hard and it was my shame that I carried for so long thinking it was my fault. That if I had been more perceptive, he wouldn’t have been able to spike my drink…” She looked to Demetri for permission, and he shook his head yes. “Primus killed him after find out what happened.” No one batted an eye, their agreeance of the action on their faces. “Johnathan Daniels was Sam’s father…and on the day he has killed he-“ She wiped her eyes. “He tried to rap-“ She felt her mother's head on her shoulder.

“I killed him and I don’t regret it…but I needed you to know.” As her sisters embraced her, she heard a small voice speak.

“On my way home from O’Malleys…he cornered me in the back of the woods by the lake.” She turned to see a woman from Moon Stone standing, staring back at her.

“Getting into my car…he offered to help with my groceries.” A pack member from Dark Moon stood and folded her arms to her chest. Alexus heart bled as she looked at them, and then her eyes widened. Her body stilled, as she saw someone else stand.

“In my home…after the dinner party. I was mad at Jerry and I-I stormed off and he took a long walk to calm down.” Tracey couldn’t look at her husband, she was so ashamed. “The entire time he kept asking me stuff about you… secret stuff about the Clan…I was so afraid and he wouldn’t stop so I just-I told him.” She sobbed. “I’m so sorry. You were so nice to me, and I was too much of a coward to tell you what I did.” Alexus thought back to something that Sam said the day he'd assaulted her.

“Vampires you see, they talk too fucking much. Screw one good enough they’ll tell you anything. Ask the right questions, get the right information.”

“Tracey…” Jerry grabbed her hand, and she finally looked at him.

“I couldn’t tell you…I couldn’t tell you that I made a mistake. I always forget my keys…you always tell me not to forget my keys…if I didn’t forget them he would have never seen where we hid the spare. Would have never used it after I put it back. IF I HADN’T BEEN SO STUPID, HE WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN IN THE HOUSE!” She cried to Alexus. “I kept pretending it never happened. Kept saying it until it became true, and then you…you got engaged and the nightmares returned…I swear I was going to tell you! I worked up the nerve the night of your birthfay party-“ She pulled her arms around her body and rocked.

“B-but it was like he knew and then he cornered me coming from the bathroom at the party and he made me-“ Her hands shook and she placed them on her lips. “And then I couldn’t pretend anymore…he made sure I couldn’t pretend…”

Jerry grabbed her in his arms and his tears fell down his face. His body stilled as he heard her whisper. “I should have gone with you the day of Primus made his announcement…I just…I couldn’t face anyone anymore. I thought it was finally over…but he was so angry. He was so mad that Alexus was still in love with Demetri. He told me I lied about everything and then...he made sure...he made sure I couldn't pretend anymore...not even in front you.”

“Oh God…no baby...” Jerry heart broke in two. He'd thought she been cheating, he thought she no longer loved him. She felt a small hand on her shoulder and she saw Alexus tear-stained face. Tracey eyes hit the ground.

"Please…please don’t hate me. I just-I’m just not as brave as you.” Alexus hugged her.

"Yes you are. You are so brave and you're alive...you're still alive." And soon his other two victims joined them in the embrace, their tears flowing as the others around them sobbed as well.

Because while the four women all may be different, they shared trauma they all understood, and for the first time since her ordeal Alexus no longer felt alone. She turned to Doctor Neal.

“Can you stay? We can work out the the details, but you're needed here.” She nodded.

“Absolutely” Without even realizing it, Alexus had done what her father said she would. She’d burned the isolation of trauma to ashes, and birthed a new place of healing.

That night, Alexus walked into the freshly cleaned bedroom. Demetri kissed her forehead, and she didn’t flinch. “I’m so proud of you.” She smiled and pulled herself to the balls of her feet. Kissing him deeply, she laid her head against him.

“I love you.”

“And I love you.”

She walked to the closet. Taking out one of her favorite dresses, she changed her clothes. He watched her in silence, as she returned and placed her arms around his waist. Nuzzling into him, she whispered.

“Will you make love to me?”

“Are you sure?”

She nodded yes and took his hand as the two walked to the bed. Demetri kissed her entire body, from her fingers to her toes. He slowly removed the straps of her dress, kissing her shoulders. As she laid under him, Alexus didn’t close her eyes. The electricity between them went from a pulse to a surge. She ran her fingers through his hair and smiled at him. “Just like The Maldives”, She snuggled into his arms. “My favorite place to be.” And as he made love to her throughout the night, Alexus allowed him to see every part of her, including her soul that was still healing.