Chapter Twelve—Stan

I’d been sitting like a jilted groom waiting for Katie to show up. She said she’d went to pick up her things from her ex. I wanted to know if it went well, and if we were still on track with our agreement, but nothing. She didn’t even text me to say she had gone out or ask if it was okay to stray from our original plan. Rick was officially her boss, but she answered to me if she wanted me to keep her secret quiet.

I didn’t even have an impact on her. No one took me seriously. I’d kissed her, and she had been ignoring me since that day as if I’d crossed the line. I wondered if she’d done the same with Pete, and this was the reason she was out with him. I grabbed an vase and smashed it against the rug in a rage.

“What the fuck?” Rick asked as he walked into the living room, knowing my face was red, as my heart started to pound out of control. Throwing the vase didn’t help, instead, it made me feel even worse knowing it had been witnessed by Rick.

“Nothing!” I granted. “I’ll get Lourdes to clean it up.”

I brushed past him and he grabbed my arm. “If you’re going to trash the place, then it’s something. What happened?”

I shouted, feeling a rage coming on, one I couldn’t control, “Ask Pete.”

“Pete?” Aunt Elizabeth asked as she came into the room. Shit, so not only did Rick see what I’d done, but she did, too. She was Mom’s younger sister, and they had the same blond hair and light blue eyes. They even dressed the same and people often mistaked them for twins, even if there was a six year age gap between them.

“Did he do this?”

“No,” Rick answered, as no more did I feel the anger that I did a few minutes ago, but embarrassment at not only being caught by my brother, but by my aunt, too.

“Is Pete okay?” she asked. I could see tears dripping from her eyes as concerned was all over her face.

I shook my head. “No. He’s fine.”

Rick sighed. “He’s out with Katie.”

“Who?”

“The nanny,” Rick and I said in unison and are ours eyes fixed on each other. Aunt Elizabeth was still unclear as to what was going on, but it was all clear by the way Rick looked at me. The same way he did when we were young, and our dog got run over. He hesitated in telling me, knowing I would be more affected by the news than anyone else in the family. I was the sensitive one.

“So, if he’s out, then why… Oh, I’m so confused.” She slumped onto the sofa, and I walked by her side. Rick was eyeing me as if he was challenging me to leave the room, and I put my hand on Aunt Elizabeth’s shoulder and she smiled.

“Stan has a thing for the nanny…” He had a smirk on his face, as if he was mocking me. I didn’t wait for him to humilate me further.

“Well, technically, she’s not the fucking nanny. She’s one I got to replace the one you had hired. Remember, I’m the one who did that.”

He looked at me as if he could read my mind. He sensed something was wrong, but I didn’t tell him exactly why I’d gone on a rage. I didn’t tell him what was exactly on my mind.

“Where are the twins?” I asked, knowing that if he was concerned about them, then he would leave me alone.

He shook the baby monitor in his hand—the one he carried around religiously. I should have known he’d taken care of the babies before sitting down and talking to me.

He sat opposite, his eyes glued on me, waiting for me to speak.

“Okay. So, I may have a little thing for the nanny,” I confessed, taking my hand away from Aunt Elizabeth, and getting ready to do what I wanted to do from the time I saw them, and that was take my cue to leave.

“I’m glad to see you’re taking an interest in girls,” Aunt Elizabeth said as she cupped my face.

“Gee, Auntie, I’m thirty not three.”

She chuckled. “I know, but you never talk about girls, not like your brothers. They never stop talking about girls.”

Rick quizzed his face, probably thinking about the last time he mentioned a girl, especially to Aunt Elizabeth. He never spoke about them, because apart from the one-night stand he had, which left him being a father. I didn’t think Rick had been with any girl longer than one night, just like Pete. Which is why I was upset that Pete was out with Katie. He was probably taking advantage of her, especially if he knew she was suffering from a broken heart.

Whereas I was…

Fuck, who knows what I was doing. Rick was right, I had a crush. Aunt Elizabeth was right too; I had no idea how to handle a girl because I’d never been with one.

“Don’t get embarrased. You’re only human. We all are. I bet she’s a looker, which is why you got upset that Pete’s taken her out.”

“She has long dark hair and dark eyes, which light up whenever she plays with the twins.” I wasn’t looking at them, but thinking about Katie and drifted for a bit. I came back to reality as I ended with, “She’s nice, sweet and kind.”

“Oh my,” she laughed, “you do have it bad.”

I stood after noticing that not only was Aunt Elizabeth laughing, but Rick was, too.

“I’m not mocking you. I just hate it when you boys fight. It’s been a while since you’ve been that way. Don’t let anyone make you feel that you have to go back to the way things were. Okay?” She winked at me.

I agreed, but I had to leave. I didn’t talk about emotions.

“I know you’re probably finding this a little weird talking to me about it.” She pulled my arm down to make me sit. For some reason, Rick took this as his cue to leave. I envied him for being able to walk out and not say a word, whereas I just sat like a scared little mouse.

“I don’t know why you feel your brothers are always mocking you. Or why you think they don’t like you. You’ve been like this since you guys were little. Always blaming them and making it a ‘them versus you,’ which has never been the case. We hoped when you joined the marines that it would be different, that you would learn to get along better, but if anything it made it worse.”

I nodded because everything she was saying was true. I hated to admit it, but there was no denying that I was jealous of them and I had no reason to be. We looked the same; if I lost a few pounds, then not only would Katie find it hard to tell Rick and Pete apart, but me, too.

“I just want you to know that you’re loved, that’s all, Stan. It’s all your parents and I wanted you to know. You’re loved.”

I felt the same rage wash over me. I thought I’d put it to rest, but her last words woke it up again.

“Oh yeah? If she loved me so much, then why did she leave? Why did Mom leave?”

Her eyes widened. “What? She never left, she killed herself. You know that.”

“Exactly. What kind of mother has three kids and decides to end it all? She’s a monster. No better than the monsters out on the field. Putting guns in kid’s hands and saying it’s all for the good of the country.”

I felt her hot hand slap across my face. The shock of it all made me hold my face.

“I will not have you talk about your mother that way. She wasn’t well; she couldn’t help herself and the only person you can think about is yourself.”

“Maybe the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” I spat back. “She couldn’t think of anyone else but herself. Well, neither can I. It’s all me, me and me. I’m the one who got rid of Bianca. I used Katie after she told me her boyfriend had been cheating on her. The trash guy, Ben, I’ve heard you and Pete talk about. He’s like a snake in the club. Well, he was her ex. She said she needed a job and somewhere to stay, so I fucking decided she could cook and make it look as if I hired her, so that for once in my fucking life, you would treat me as an equal.”

“So, you got some fucking stranger to look after my kids? What the fuck is wrong with you? Why do you hate me so fucking much?” Rick walked toward me. Not to talk, but clearly to hit me.

“Rick! Calm down. It doesn’t matter what Stan did. Katie has been doing a good job and she’s been looking after the twins, right?”

His focus was on Aunt Elizabeth and it was if she was calming him down as his face was going from a bright red to his normal coloring. His breathing was controlled, but I didn’t wait for the confrontation, one I knew I deserved. I shot up and stormed out of there. I checked my pocket and I had my cards. I didn’t know where I was going, but I could hear Aunt Elizabeth sobbing, probably regretting slapping me. I hated to admit, but she did the right thing. I needed someone to slap some sense into me. Now, it was up to me to find some peace. I had to leave here—maybe for a few days, maybe forever. It was all getting too much.

Who fucking knew?

As much as I didn’t want to leave Katie, I knew I had to go.