Chapter 44 Chapter 44 Road Trip
"So you and Nick… nothing happened?" asks Gemma.
We’re on our way to Cali to see Ivan. Gemma, me, Vince, and Ashley are in my car. Marcus, Tish, Erika, and Kyle are in Marcus’s car. Andreas, Colt, Nick—number 22—in Andreas’s car. Last in our lineup is Matt, driving with his sister Melanie, her boyfriend Donn, and Hope, one of Melanie’s friends. We have a hotel for a few days; the rest of the stay will be at Ivan’s. He insisted. I wonder how big his place is—there are so many of us.
I should keep my mouth shut about Nick. I like him, and that’s confusing me.
Mason texts me, and the car reads it out loud. He wants to take me out when I get back from California. I tell the car to reply, “ok.”
"No, we made out… he might have been partially inside me, but we stopped," I admit.
If Nick and I are going to sleep together, I want it to be with less of an audience.
"You should just let it happen—you and Nick. It will be good for you!" Gemma says. I wish she would shut up in front of Vince.
Then Ashley’s voice cuts in from the back seat.
"What is your damage? How can you be such a slut… how many of the guys have you slept with… Andreas, Matt, almost Nick, and Vince, of course???"
I knew it. She knows. Vince grabs her hand, trying to shush her, but she doesn’t stop.
"Did you do something to my drink?" I ask.
I turn the walkie on so the other cars can hear too. "I have never thrown up from drinking… guilt, yes, but not alcohol alone," I admit.
"Maybe!!!" she fires back—basically admitting it.
"Ashley??? What the fuck!!!" Vince yells.
"You can blame me all you want for Vince cheating on you, but there were others before me, and there will be others after me. The problem is not me—it’s him. You are thirty years old, attacking a teen over a man. I would never blame a girl for what a man does."
The look on her face says she didn’t think this through. I can’t believe I’m schooling a grown woman.
"Did you think that if you hurt me he would stop cheating on you? Did it make you feel better? Does he love you now?"
She tries to reach for Vince, but he pushes her away. "Pull over and let her out of the car. I can’t look at her." He turns to her. "You are fucking gross!!!"
"If you were not such a slut, Elle!!! We are going to see your European fling, you are fucking my boyfriend, you have fucked half the guys on this trip." She says it like it’s supposed to hurt.
"Rude!!! You forgot me!" Gemma laughs, grabbing my hand. "I love you, Elle!"
"I love you too, Gemma!" I glance at Ashley in the rearview mirror. "Your math is almost correct, but I don’t hear anyone calling Andreas a slut. Oh, the fucking horror—I like having sex."
"You are not a slut!" Andreas’ voice comes through the walkie.
"You are going to end up pregnant and not know who the dad is. I can’t wait!" she spits, digging herself deeper.
"Sorry, this is where the conversation ends for the rest of you!" I turn the walkie off and pull the car over.
I turn toward her. "It would be a miracle if I could get pregnant. And if I did, I wouldn’t care who the dad is. Unfortunately, the monster who destroyed my body took that from me. There will be no miracles for me—not in this lifetime. And then years later, when you think you’re finally going to be okay… it happens again."
Ashley starts to tear up, but I don’t want her pity. I don’t need it. I am a survivor. I am strong now, and sex is just one of my weapons—something to fill the hole, the never-ending emptiness inside.
"Now. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Car!!!!"
I grab the walkie. "Nick, switch cars with Ashley, please!"
She gets out.
"I’m sorry, Elle. I didn’t know," Vince says, not meeting my eyes. Coward.
"I don’t need your apology. I need you to deal with her—she is fucking unhinged!" I say as Nick gets into the car. "Be with her, dump her, stop cheating on her—do something. Because if she comes after me again, I will drop her!"
Vince nods.
Nick slides into the backseat, his arms instantly wrapping around me from behind. I place my hand over his. "Seatbelt, step-brother!" I grin, tapping his hands.
Gemma and Tish know. I’ve shared my past with them. Most of my family knows. It was all hush-hush after. I spent months in the hospital, and from what I understand, I only have half of my reproductive organs.
Honestly, I don’t want to know.
I’m on birth control for the cramps, and I still get periods—they usually last a day or so. My chances of having children are slim. Not that I ever want them. This world is too fucked up.
Most days I wish I wasn’t born—that I didn’t exist. But I do, so I deal with it.
Vince stares at me the entire four-hour drive to the hotel. The moment we pull up to valet, he tells Gemma and Nick to get out. He moves to the front seat.
He reaches for my hand—I pull away.
"How old?"
"What?"
"How old?"
My skin crawls. Suddenly, I feel exposed in my shirt and shorts. I just want to get to my room and cover up. Do I want to tell him? He’s already looking at me like he doesn’t want the answer.
"Young."
Tears roll down his face—over his perfect features. I don’t want his tears.
I step out of the car and hand my keys to the valet. Gemma opens the trunk, and we grab our luggage.
"What did he ask?" she says.
I shake my head.
We’re done talking about it.