Chapter 186 Chapter 186 The Night Before
The last few days have been suspicious.
He stayed home. No work. No calls. No phone glued to his hand. We took the kids to the zoo, out for ice cream, even to the park one afternoon just because Constantine wanted to race him. Ivan has been holding my hand more, kissing me more, touching me every chance he gets.
He must feel extra guilty.
He can’t know what I did.
Oh God…what if one of his guys is watching me?
I told him years ago I didn’t need security. He kept it for himself and the kids, but not me. Still, every black SUV I see too long in the same place makes my stomach tighten. Every unfamiliar face near my office makes me wonder.
I keep praying he doesn’t know about the lawyer.
Tomorrow I leave for San Francisco for the Snaz deal.
I slip my heels off and place them in their spot on the shelf in our closet. The walk-in is ridiculous, honestly. Bigger than some apartments. Shelves of shoes, handbags, watches, jewelry cases, soft lighting, mirrors everywhere. It looks like something out of a luxury magazine.
Ivan sits on the lounge chair watching me quietly.
“You are so beautiful,” he says, leaning back slightly. “How do you still look a decade younger than you are?”
His hand rests lazily between his legs, palming himself through his sweatpants like he can’t even help it. My favorite part of him.
His cock.
Always my favorite thing about him besides his damn mouth. The one thing he uses to lie to me with.
I shrug like I don’t know the answer.
The workouts, the facials, the ridiculous skincare routines, the expensive food. Chasing small children around probably helps too. Maybe it’s genetics. My mother never seemed to age either. Perfect skin, tiny waist, even after four kids. I used to swear she was a vampire. Until she died in a car accident.
I unbutton my jeans slowly and shimmy them down my legs.
“Fuck,” Ivan groans immediately.
The sound sends heat crawling up my spine despite myself.
He rises from the chair like something predatory, moving toward me with slow confidence.
I laugh nervously. “What are you doing?”
He doesn’t answer.
My heart starts pounding away.
The closer he gets, the harder it beats. He stops inches away from me, dark eyes dragging slowly over my body. His hands slide down my hips, hooking into the lace of my underwear and pulling them down my legs.
I still wear sexy lingerie.
Lace. Satin. Tiny little things he likes.
Why do you cheat if I am still—
Why?
Why do I still try?
Why does a man with a wife who still wants him this much go looking elsewhere?
The thought slices through me so sharply I almost pull away.
But then Ivan drops down in front of me.
His hands spread my thighs apart and my breath catches.
I lean back against the wall automatically, my legs trembling as they slide over his broad shoulders. Usually he kneels.
Not tonight.
Tonight he grips underneath my thighs and lifts me completely off the ground.
A startled gasp leaves me as my back hits the wall softly.
My legs tighten around him instinctively while his hands lock onto my ass, holding me up effortlessly like I weigh nothing.
Then his mouth is on me.
Hot.
Perfect.
His tongue slides through me and my head falls back against the wall immediately.
“Oh my God—”
Ivan groans against me like he’s starving.
Like this is worship.
Like I’m the one thing in the world he can’t survive without.
“I love you,” he says suddenly, pulling back just enough for the words to hit me.
The confession almost hurts.
Then he dives back in before I can think too hard about it.
His tongue moves with devastating precision, slow at first, then deeper, harder, making sparks explode down my spine so fast my knees weaken around his shoulders.
My fingers tangle in his hair automatically.
Soft.
Dark.
Still slightly damp from his shower.
I hold him there because if I don’t, I swear he’ll disappear.
That’s what this feels like.
Not seduction.
Not lust.
Goodbye.
He kisses me between every breath like he’s trying to memorize me. Licks into me slowly, thoroughly, almost desperately. His hands tighten against my skin every time I shake.
The pressure builds frighteningly fast.
Too fast.
My body reacts to him like it always has, traitorous and desperate and completely his.
“Ivan…” I moan weakly.
He hums against me in response, and the vibration alone nearly destroys me.
Heat coils tighter and tighter until I can barely breathe.
Then I break.
The orgasm crashes through me violently, my back arching hard enough to scrape the wall. My thighs shake around him while his name spills from my mouth uncontrollably.
But Ivan doesn’t stop.
Not even close.
He keeps going, licking and sucking through every pulse until another orgasm rips through me almost immediately after the first.
Then another.
The room spins.
My fingers tighten painfully in his hair as tears sting unexpectedly behind my eyes.
He hasn’t touched me like this in a long time.
Not with this much focus.
Not with this much need.
Not like he’s trying to burn himself into my memory.
My chest tightens painfully as I look down at him.
At my husband.
At the man I still love enough to let destroy me.
And suddenly the realization settles deep in my stomach.
This really does feel like goodbye.