Chapter 181 Chapter 181 My Vows
Like Ivan, I hesitate. My pulse pounds so hard I can hear it in my ears. I pray I remember every word because there’s so much inside my head, so much inside my chest, and suddenly all of it feels too big for my body to hold.
I take a shaky breath and tighten my grip on his hands.
“I spent so much time trying to pretend I could live without you.
I told myself I was strong enough to walk away. That eventually the memories would fade, the anger would harden, and the space you left behind would stop aching so much. But no matter where I went, no matter how far I tried to run from us, my heart kept finding its way back to you.
Because we belong together.
We always did.
You are stitched into every part of me, Ivan. Into my happiest moments, my worst mistakes, my laughter, my grief, my chaos. Loving you has never been simple. It’s never been quiet either. It’s painful sometimes. Overwhelming. Unavoidable. The kind of love that follows you into every room and waits for you even when you try to abandon it.
There were nights I hated you so much I could barely breathe.
And somehow, even then, you were still the person I wanted beside me.
That’s the truth of us.
No matter how angry I was, no matter how broken we became, no matter how badly we hurt each other… when something happened, you were still the first person I wanted to call. The first person I wanted to tell. The first person I looked for in every crowded room.
Because my soul knows yours.
And I think it always will.
You frustrate me. You overwhelm me. You make me want to scream sometimes. But you also make me feel safer than anyone ever has. You make me laugh when I want to fall apart. You look at me like I’m something precious even when I can’t see anything beautiful in myself.
You love me loudly.
Fiercely.
Completely.
And I never realized how rare that was until I almost lost it.
I vow to stop running from the life we built together.
I vow to choose you even on the difficult days, even when we are stubborn, exhausted, angry, or scared.
I vow to tell you the truth, even when it’s messy.
I vow to fight for us instead of against you.
I vow to love the man you are now, not punish you forever for the man you used to be.
And I vow to never let you doubt that you are loved by me.
Not casually. Not temporarily.
Endlessly.
You gave me Constantine, the greatest part of my life. You gave me a family when I thought I would always feel alone in this world. And somehow, after everything, you still look at me like I’m the love of your life.”
My voice cracks and I laugh softly through the emotion building in my throat.
“You still look at me like I hung the fucking moon, Ivan. And I don’t think anyone will ever love me the way you do.”
His eyes close briefly, like the words physically hit him.
“So today, in front of everyone we love, I need you to hear this clearly:
You are mine.
Not because I own you. Not because I control you.
But because my heart chose you long before either of us knew what to do with it.
And if I had to live every version of this life again—the heartbreak, the waiting, the chaos, the healing—I would still find my way back to you every single time.
Because there is no me without you in it anymore.
We belong together.”
I exhale sharply, almost dizzy once the words are out of me.
That’s all of it.
For a second, everything goes quiet.
Ivan stares at me like I ripped my chest open and handed him my heart in front of everyone. There is so much emotion in his face, too much for a man who usually looks carved from ice. His eyes shine, tears balanced on the edge, and the way he’s gripping my hands makes me think he’s trying to hold himself together.
The officiant clears his throat softly before smiling at Constantine.
“Do you have the rings, young man?”
Constantine nods dramatically and lifts the little velvet pillow as high as he can above his head. A few people laugh quietly. My little man looks so proud of himself standing there in his tiny tuxedo that matches his father’s.
Ivan and I each take a ring.
Simple platinum bands.
“With this ring, I take you as my wife,” Ivan says, his voice rougher now, his dimples finally making an appearance through all that emotion.
My stomach flips. As the band slides in sealing my giant diamond on my finger.
“With this ring, I take you as my husband,” I whisper, sliding the band onto his finger.
His hand trembles slightly.
We stand there staring at each other for a moment like neither of us can fully believe this is real. After everything—every breakup, every betrayal, every ugly fight, every time we destroyed each other—we somehow still ended up here.
Married.
Holy shit.
“Ivan,” the officiant says with a grin, “kiss your wife.”
The words barely leave his mouth before Ivan steps forward.
One hand slides along my jaw, warm and careful, while the other wraps around my lower back, pulling me flush against him. Then his lips crash onto mine.
Deep.
Possessive.
Certain.
I gasp against his mouth as he dips me low without warning, making the crowd erupt. My veil spills behind me while I cling to his shoulders, laughing into the kiss before his tongue slides against mine, turning it filthy for half a second despite the audience.
Of course he does.
And of course I kiss him back harder.
The cheering gets louder.
Someone whistles.
I hear Gemma screaming like a maniac behind me, all my girls, my bridesmaids, his goomsmen.
Ivan finally pulls me upright again, but he doesn’t let me go. His forehead rests against mine, both of us breathless, smiling like idiots.
Everyone is standing.
Clapping.
Cheering.
Everyone except Sergey.
He’s still planted in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, glaring at us like this entire wedding personally offended him. Like he should be next to me. Like I am supposed to be in his arms at this very moment.