Chapter 20 What We Almost Lost
The rink felt different after she left.
Quieter.
Not peaceful, but emptied. Like something toxic had finally been dragged out, leaving behind a strange stillness that neither of us fully trusted yet.
Kylen’s hand stayed wrapped around mine as we stepped outside. The cold air hit my face, sharp and grounding, but I barely noticed it. My heart was still racing, still catching up to everything that had just happened.
“She’s not done,” I said softly.
Kylen exhaled slowly. “Maybe not. But she lost control tonight. That was the only thing she had.”
I looked at him. Really looked.
There were still bruises on his knuckles. A faint cut near his lip. Signs of everything he had been through while I was trying to convince myself that leaving him was the right choice.
Guilt stirred again, but this time it did not drown me.
This time, it strengthened something inside me.
“I hate that I wasn’t there for you,” I said.
“You’re here now,” he replied.
“That doesn’t erase what happened.”
“No,” he said honestly. “But it means something more than you think.”
We started walking slowly down the path away from the rink. The campus lights glowed softly around us, casting long shadows across the ground.
“I thought I was protecting you,” I said. “When I left.”
Kylen let out a quiet breath. “I know.”
“But I was just afraid,” I admitted. “Afraid of what people would say. Afraid of losing everything. Afraid of not being enough for you.”
He stopped walking.
I did too.
“You were never the thing I was afraid of losing,” he said, his voice steady. “You were the only thing I was trying to hold on to.”
My chest tightened.
“I almost lost you,” I whispered.
“You did,” he said.
The honesty stung.
“But you came back,” he added. “That’s what matters now.”
I stepped closer to him, my fingers tightening in his. “I’m not leaving again.”
“Good,” he said quietly.
There was something in his voice. Not doubt. Not fear. Something deeper. Like he was still holding a piece of himself back, waiting to see if I would stay this time.
And I understood why.
“I know I hurt you,” I said. “I know I broke your trust.”
He shook his head slightly. “You didn’t break it. You shook it. There’s a difference.”
“Then let me fix it,” I said.
His eyes searched mine. “You can’t fix everything overnight.”
“I’m not trying to,” I said. “I just want to prove to you that I’m here. That I’m not going anywhere.”
Silence stretched between us.
Then he nodded slowly.
“Then stay,” he said.
“I will.”
He pulled me into his arms again, tighter this time. Not desperate. Not afraid.
Certain.
I pressed my face into his chest, breathing him in, grounding myself in the reality of him. Of us.
For a moment, everything else faded.
No Lilibeth. No rumors. No pressure.
Just us.
But reality had a way of creeping back in.
“Coach is not going to let this go,” I said quietly.
Kylen sighed. “I know.”
“Your team…”
“I know,” he repeated.
I pulled back slightly, looking up at him. “What are you going to do?”
He ran a hand through his hair, tension returning to his shoulders. “I fix it. I show up. I play like none of this ever touched me.”
“And if they don’t let you,” I asked.
His jaw tightened. “Then I fight for it.”
I studied him carefully.
This was not just about us anymore.
This was his future.
And for the first time, I realized something important.
Loving him did not mean stepping back again.
It meant standing beside him through this too.
“I’m not going to be your weakness,” I said.
His eyes snapped to mine. “You never were.”
“I felt like one,” I admitted. “Like I was the reason everything started falling apart.”
“You weren’t the reason,” he said. “You were just the breaking point.”
I frowned slightly. “What does that mean.”
“It means things were already messed up,” he said. “With Lilibeth. With me trying to pretend everything was fine when it wasn’t. You just made me stop lying to myself.”
That settled something deep inside me.
For the first time, I believed it.
“I don’t regret choosing you,” he added.
My heart stuttered.
“Even after everything,” I asked.
“Especially after everything,” he said.
Emotion rose fast and sharp in my chest. I reached up, touching his face gently, my thumb brushing near the cut on his lip.
“You’re going to get through this,” I said softly.
“We are,” he corrected.
A small smile broke through my tears.
“Yeah,” I whispered. “We are.”
He leaned down, pressing his forehead against mine.
“You know this isn’t over, right,” he said. “The rumors. The pressure. The team. All of it.”
“I know,” I said.
“And you’re still choosing this,” he asked.
“I’m choosing you,” I replied. “Every time.”
Something in his expression shifted again.
Not guarded this time.
Open.
He kissed me slowly, deeply, like he was sealing something between us. Not just a moment. Not just a feeling.
A decision.
When he pulled back, his voice was quieter.
“Then whatever comes next,” he said, “we face it together.”
I nodded.
“Together.”
We started walking again, side by side, our hands still intertwined.
The night felt different now.
Not lighter. Not easier.
But clearer.
Because for the first time, we weren’t running from what was ahead.
We were walking straight into it.
And we were doing it together.