Chapter 47 A painful Kiss
"It only destroys when we fight it!" Lila's voice broke. "When we deny what's natural! When we choose duty over destiny! We did everything right, everything honor demanded, and look where it got us! Celeste still dead! You still miserable! Me accused of murder! Maybe fighting the bond is what caused all this!"
"Or maybe completing it would have caused worse!" But his hands slid from her shoulders to her face, cradling it like something precious and breaking. "I don't know anymore. Don't know anything except I can't lose you. Can't watch you hang for a murder you might not have committed. Can't."
His mouth crashed into hers.
The bond exploded between them. Three years of denial, three years of careful distance, three years of torture shattered in an instant. Lila gasped against his lips and Adrian swallowed the sound, kissing her like a drowning man finding air.
This wasn't gentle. Wasn't sweet. This was desperation and grief and three years of starvation finally breaking free. Adrian's hands tangled in her hair. Lila's fingers dug into his shoulders. They pulled each other closer, trying to merge, trying to complete what the Moon Goddess had started.
The mate bond sang. Pure and clear and right. This was what they were made for. What destiny demanded. What their wolves had been howling for since the moment they met.
Adrian walked her backward until she hit the wall. His body pressed against hers, solid and warm and perfect. His mouth moved from her lips to her throat, teeth grazing her pulse point where the mating mark would go. Lila arched into him, her wolf surging forward, demanding completion.
"Adrian." His name came out broken between gasps. "Please."
"I know." His voice was rough against her skin. "I know what you need. What we both need."
His teeth pressed harder against her throat. Right there. Right where the mark would seal their bond forever. One bite. One claim. And they'd be mated completely, bound in ways no law or evidence could break.
The bond pulled them toward it. Demanded it. Screamed for completion after years of denial.
Adrian's mouth opened. His wolf's teeth extended. Lila tilted her head back, offering her throat, accepting whatever came next.
Then Adrian jerked away like he'd been burned.
He stumbled backward, chest heaving, eyes wild. His teeth were still extended, his wolf right at the surface. He looked at her with absolute horror.
"What am I doing?" His voice was strangled. "What are we doing?"
Lila stood against the wall, shaking. Her body screamed for him to come back. For him to finish what he'd started. The incomplete mating was agony, worse than any torture they'd endured before.
"Adrian."
"No." He backed toward the door. "This is wrong. All of it is wrong. My wife is barely in the ground. You're accused of her murder. And we're. We're."
"Completing what the Moon Goddess started."
"Or proving everyone right about us." His hands shook. "Proving that we're so consumed by this bond we don't care who we hurt. Don't care what we destroy. Just want what we want regardless of cost."
"That's not true."
"Isn't it?" He looked at her with devastated eyes. "What if you're right? What if we wanted this so badly we made it happen? Not consciously. Not on purpose. But through wishes and dark thoughts and desperate longing. What if we killed her with our wants even if we didn't physically do the deed?"
"That's insane."
"Is it? The mate bond is powerful. Everyone says so. Drives wolves to extremes. Makes them do impossible things. What if our bond was so strong it manifested our desires? What if Celeste died because somewhere deep down, we both wanted her gone?"
"Magic doesn't work that way!" But Lila's voice wavered. Because she didn't know for sure. Didn't know what mate bonds were truly capable of. "We can't kill with wishes, Adrian. We're not that powerful."
"Maybe not. But maybe our wanting created opportunity. Maybe we unconsciously made choices that led to this outcome. Maybe." He ran shaking hands through his hair. "I don't know. All I know is my wife is dead, I nearly marked you over her grave, and I feel like the worst kind of monster."
"You're not a monster. We're not monsters." Lila moved toward him but he held up a hand, stopping her.
"Don't. Don't come closer. Don't touch me. Don't." His voice broke. "I can't think clearly when you're near. Can't separate truth from wanting. Can't be the king I need to be."
"Maybe you're not supposed to be just a king. Maybe you're supposed to be my mate first."
"And look where that got us." His laugh was bitter. "Celeste is dead. You're accused. The kingdom is falling apart. The bond brought us nothing but destruction."
"Or the bond is the only real thing in all this chaos. The only thing that can't be faked or manipulated or destroyed by evidence and lies."
"I can't do this right now." Adrian moved to the door. "Can't be near you. Can't trust myself around you. Can't."
"Adrian, please don't leave like this."
He paused with his hand on the door handle. Didn't turn around. "The trial is tomorrow. The council will present their evidence. You'll present your defense. And I." His voice dropped. "I'll try to be objective. Try to be just. Try to be the king instead of your mate."
"What if I need my mate instead of a king?"
"Then we're both doomed." He opened the door. "Because right now, I don't know how to be anything except confused and broken and terrified that everything I believed about us is a lie."
He left. The lock turned with terrible finality. Lila collapsed where she stood, the incomplete mating burning through her like poison. Her wolf howled with the denial. Her body ached for completion. Her soul felt torn in half.
Through the bond, she felt Adrian's matching agony. Felt him return to his study and drink until he couldn't feel anymore. Felt him hating himself, hating the bond, hating every choice that had led them to this moment.
The passion that had consumed them minutes ago felt like a dream. A brief escape from reality that only made returning to it more painful.
Tomorrow she'd face trial. Tomorrow the council would decide her fate. Tomorrow Adrian would have to choose between mate and kingdom, between bond and duty, between love and law.
And tonight, she'd almost completed the mating that would have saved or damned them both. Would have bound them so completely that no evidence or trial or punishment could break them apart.
But Adrian had stopped. Had pulled away. Had chosen consciousness over instinct.
Maybe that made him the strong one. Or maybe it made him the fool.
Lila didn't know anymore. Didn't know anything except that tomorrow would decide everything, and she had no defense except truth no one believed and a mate who couldn't trust his own heart.
Dawn came gray and cold. Lila dressed in the simple gray dress they'd provided. The color of accused criminals. The color of shame and waiting judgment. Her reflection in the mirror showed a stranger. Pale. Hollow-eyed. Looking every bit the monster they called her.
Through the bond, she felt Adrian already awake. Already in the council chamber. Already preparing to be king instead of mate. His walls were firmly in place again, blocking her out completely.
Guards came for her at precisely the eighth bell. They bound her wrists, not roughly but firmly. Led her through corridors packed with people who'd come to watch the trial. Nobles. Servants. Common folk allowed in
to witness justice. All of them staring at her with hate and horror and ghoulish fascination.