Chapter 40
With a wrapped, stuffed horse in hand, I pick my way through the crowded streets of Atlanta toward the red ribbon ceremony for the new Citibank building. After yesterday's miserable flurries, it's a surprisingly gorgeous day, almost fifty degrees outside and sunny.
I 'excuse me' and 'pardon me' and 'can I squeeze past you?' my way to somewhere near the front of the crowd. I know it's a long shot, but I'm hoping to see Luke, and with the gift I inadvertently kept in my hand, I have an excuse to talk to him.
I look for Luke during Mayor Overton's speech without luck. After the Mayor, the President of Citibank starts talking too. Commerce for Atlanta, a new age of banking, blah, blah, blah. What about the lights guy? He's gotta be there, right? My eyes scan the people sitting on risers behind the makeshift podium. Maybe I need glasses, because I cannot make him out anywhere.
After the ribbon's cut, a band starts playing. I tap my foot to the music, wondering if there's somewhere else I should check before I throw in the towel and leave. I'm turning to go when I finally see him. Luke's standing on the dance floor, twirling a stunningly beautiful blonde woman, her hair curled perfectly under an adorable knit cap. She's sporting gorgeous, knee-high boots over tight black pants, and a sparkly grey sweater tunic that hugs her curves perfectly.
I stand there watching them, transfixed, and inexplicably unable to look away. I may have to tear my eyeballs out so I can leave. I imagine how I'll sprint back to my car so I don't embarrass myself, sobbing and messy, to every passerby. I'm starting to spin on my heel when Luke locks eyes with me. Too many emotions cross his face for me to read any of them. His eyes widen and he stumbles a little, his partner frowning at him. She's gesturing and saying something I can't hear. He turns toward her, and I take the chance to dash away.
I sit in my car, breathing in and out, in and out. Who was she? I realize that I don't know Luke well enough to have any idea. It takes me a good fifteen minutes to get my car out of the parking lot I found, but that's probably good. I didn't care that my boyfriend of more than a year married someone else last night. In fact, I wish them the best.
Conversely, I wish nothing good for that blonde woman. In fact, I'm gripped with a strange and savage urge to march right back to the City Center and claw her eyes out. Which is ridiculous for many reasons, but first and foremost because I don't even know what she means to Luke.
Once I've calmed down, I drive home, numb and full of sorrow I can't even share. My family and friends don't approve, which makes me feel worse. I pull into my garage at home and lean my head against the steering wheel. Once I walk inside, I'll need to talk to Trudy, and play with Troy. I'm so happy she's living with me, but I miss the quiet time and space I used to have.
If Luke did change his mind, and if he did want to stay here and find a more steady job, and if I did decide to try managing his kids and my job. . . It hits me that I'd never have peace, quiet, or a neat house ever again. Boom, insta-family.
I can barely handle the sister and nephew I've got.
But the thought of never seeing Luke again, or even worse, bumping into him somehow and seeing that he's married and someone else is holding Amy's hand. . . I hate that idea even more.
I sit up and reach for the handle on my door, pausing when I hear my text message notification. My hands shake when I pull my phone from my purse. Which is stupid. It's probably Paisley confirming our drop off time tomorrow. Or maybe Trudy asking where I went. Or Addy confirming that Trudy and me will be coming to her house on Christmas Eve.
Except it's none of them. The message is from Luke. I close my eyes, unaccountably nervous about what he has to say. When I finally force myself to look, I'm not sure how to respond.
WHERE DID YOU GO?
My fingers freeze. What do I say? I finally settle on the truth. Sort of. HOME. I ONLY CAME TO BRING THE STUFFED HORSE AMY PICKED FOR YOUR FAMILY. Which sounds really stupid. He knows where I live, which means he knows I could more easily have driven that by his trailer. Of course, I don't think about that until after I've hit send.
WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE IT TO ME?
Time for the real truth. If I can't be at least a little honest, he'll never realize I've changed my mind. YEAH, SORRY. I SAW YOU WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AND FREAKED OUT A LITTLE.
He responds with a 'laughing so hard he's crying' emoji.
THAT'S TOO BAD. MY COUSIN REALLY WANTED TO MEET YOU. AMY TALKS ABOUT YOU NON-STOP.
My heart executes a perfect cartwheel. His cousin. Amy misses me.
ONLY AMY? I type the words, but I can't quite get myself to hit send. I look at them for a count of ten, and then start to delete them.
Before I can, a new text pops up from Luke. YOU STILL THERE?
When two big, furry, paws slam against the glass of my car window, I jump in my seat, and my thumb hits send. ONLY AMY? My needy plea zooms through the ether and to his phone, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
I swear.
Trudy's eyes widen from where she's standing behind Andromeda. “Sorry I scared you.” Her voice is muffled but I can make it out. “Troy, Andromeda and I heard the garage door, but you never came inside. We wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Family is nosey. Family is annoying. Family gets all up in your face.
And at least I know someone cares. I pretend I'm not freaking out over having sent a text basically asking Luke if he misses me.
I open the door and follow Trudy up to the steps into my own home, listening all the while for a ping from my phone. Troy's waiting at the top, his chubby arms outstretched, bouncing on his toes. “Aunt May May. Pick me up!” He's so adorable that part of me hopes he never masters the baffling secrets of the letter 'r'.
I toss my bag into the utility room and swing Troy up into my arms. “I'm going to have to stop calling you Troy and start calling you Tank if you gain any more weight.”
“Why Tank?” he asks.
“Tanks are like really big, really heavy trucks. It still starts with the letter 'T' like your name, but it means you're a big boy.”
When he grins, I notice his mouth is full of goldfish, the chunks rolling around in there like wet laundry in a dryer of slime. Gross.
Which isn't even why I want to put him down and stare at my tiny phone screen. But I will not be the pathetic person who hunches over her iPhone, watching and waiting for a response. I won't be that needy mess. I won't. I have a sister and a nephew and they're welcoming me home enthusiastically. I'll play with them and maybe later, when I have nothing better to do, I'll see if Luke ever replied. Maybe, or maybe not.
I glance around the room, and a smile lifts the corners of my mouth. I've been so busy, I've barely had time to decorate for Christmas this year. Today Trudy and Troy did it for me.