Chapter 91 : Some Fucked Up Instinct
HAYDEN’S POV:
I shouldn’t still be thinking about it.
That was the first thing I told myself when I woke up. The second thing was that it didn’t matter.
Neither of those things stuck.
Because two days later, it was still there—sitting under my skin like something sharp I couldn’t dig out. The hallway, Stephen’s voice, the way he looked at me like he could see straight through everything I was trying to bury.
You’re not okay.
I scoffed under my breath, dragging a hand over my face as I sat up in bed.
Yeah. No shit.
The problem was… I didn’t want him to know that.
I didn't want anyone to know that.
So I did what I always do…..I shoved it down, buried it under noise, distractions, and anything that would keep me from thinking too hard.
But it wasn’t working the same anymore.
I swung my legs off the bed and stood, grabbing the jersey tossed over the chair. It was match day. That was all that mattered today. Not Stephen or the stupid tension hanging between us. It was not the way my chest had tightened when he said he knew me.
It didn't matter. It couldn’t. This was bigger than whatever the hell was going on in my head.
I pulled the jersey on, exhaling slowly, trying to ground myself in something real.
The game, the scouts, and my future. That’s what mattered.
The field was already buzzing by the time I got there. Energy hung thick in the air, sharp and electric, the kind that usually got my blood pumping, my focus snapping into place.
Today, it just felt… off, or maybe that was me.
I rolled my shoulders, bouncing slightly on my feet as I stepped onto the pitch, scanning the area out of habit and then immediately regretting it.
Because I saw him.
Stephen stood across the field, talking to one of the coaches, his posture relaxed but focused, like he belonged there and nothing had changed.
It was like we hadn’t stood in a hallway two nights ago, tearing into each other.
My jaw tightened.
He didn’t look over or acknowledge me. Good. That’s how it should be.
I looked away first, forcing my attention onto literally anything else—stretching, teammates, the grass beneath my cleats.
Focus. Just focus.
“You look like you’re about to fight someone.”
I didn’t need to turn to know who it was. It was Ella.
I exhaled sharply, dragging a hand through my hair. “Not now.”
She ignored that completely, stepping in front of me anyway, arms crossed as she studied my face like she was trying to solve a puzzle. “So it’s true.”
I frowned. “What is?”
Her expression shifted slightly, something almost curious flickering in her eyes. “About Ariana.”
My stomach twisted, sharp and immediate. Of course, people were talking.
“What about her?” I said flatly.
Ella tilted her head. “I heard she is tutoring you.”
I let out a short, humorless laugh, shaking my head. “You’re really bringing that up right now?”
“I’m just saying,” she continued, unfazed. “Didn’t expect you to suddenly start caring about grades.”
Something in my chest snapped tight. I stepped around her, grabbing a ball and dropping it to the ground a little harder than necessary. “I don’t.”
“Then why….”
“Ella.” My voice came out sharper than I intended. “Drop it.”
She went quiet for a second.
Then softer, “People are talking, Hayden.”
“People always talk.”
“This is different.”
I turned to face her then, irritation flaring. “Why do you care?”
Her lips parted slightly, like she wasn’t expecting that question. “Because…” she hesitated, then shook her head. “Never mind.”
“Exactly,” I muttered, already turning away again. “Mind your business.”
That should’ve been the end of it but she didn’t move.
“Does this have something to do with Stephen?”
That did it. I stilled, my grip tightening around the ball before I forced myself to relax, to breathe, to not react.
She saw it. “Wow,” she said quietly. “It is.”
I scoffed, shaking my head. “You’re reaching.”
“Am I?”
“Yes.”
“Then why do you look like that every time his name comes up?”
I spun on her, jaw tight. “Like what?”
“Like you’re pissed at him for breathing.”
Something hot flared in my chest. “Maybe I am,” I snapped.
Ella blinked, taken aback for half a second before her expression hardened slightly. “You know, for someone who claims they don’t care, you’re doing a terrible job convincing anyone.”
I let out a sharp breath, running a hand through my hair again. “I don’t have time for this.”
“Then what do you have time for?” she shot back. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you’re just….”
“Enough.” The word came out low and final.
She stopped.
I turned away again, bouncing the ball once, twice, forcing my attention back onto the field.
This is what matters, not her, Stephen, or any of it.
Just the game.
Warm-ups started, and for a while, it worked. As I was running drills, passing sequences, and letting my muscle memory take over.
This was the one place where everything made sense. The one place I didn’t have to think.
But even that didn’t last.
Because every time I moved, every time I shifted across the field…..I was aware of him.
Where he was. What he was doing. It was like some fucked up instinct I couldn’t turn off.
I hated it.
“Focus, Hayden!” The coach's voice cut through the noise, sharp and commanding.
I snapped back immediately, nodding. “Yeah.”
“Scouts are here today,” he added, stepping closer, his eyes narrowing slightly. “I don’t need to remind you what that means.”
My chest tightened but this time, it wasn’t because of Stephen. It was something else.
“This is your shot,” Coach continued. “You want to go pro? You prove it today.”
I nodded again, more firmly this time. “I know.”
“Then play like it.” He walked off, leaving me standing there, the weight of his words settling heavily on my shoulders.
This is it. Everything I’ve been working for. Everything I’ve been trying to hold onto while everything else falls apart.
I exhaled slowly, rolling my shoulders, letting that sink in.
This matters. I lifted my gaze, scanning the field again and my eyes landed on him.
He was already in position and focused. It was like none of this was touching him. For a second, something twisted in my chest again. Then I forced it down, hard.
Not today.
Today, I don’t get to lose it.
I clenched my fists slightly, then relaxed them, drawing in a steady breath.
The whistle blew and just like that, everything else had to disappear because if I messed this up… If I let everything in my head get in the way…Then I’d lose more than just him.
I’d lose everything.