Chapter 8 : Pounding Regrets
ELLA’S POV
I shouldn’t have come here.
The cheerleader field was loud with whistles and laughter, girls stretching, practicing lifts, pretending their lives were uncomplicated. The sun was too bright and my head was pounding. My mouth still tasted like regret.
And there she was.
Lilian stood near the center of the field, hands on her hips, ponytail swinging as she laughed at something one of the girls said. She looked…fine and untouchable, like she hadn’t just detonated my life by existing too close to Hayden.
My chest tightened.
I marched straight onto the field. Someone called my name but I ignored them.
Lilian noticed me a second later. Her smile faltered, she didn't look surprised like she already knew why I was there.
That did it.
“Can we talk?” I said, stopping a few feet from her.
Her eyes flicked around. “Now?”
“Yes. Now.”
She sighed and motioned to the side of the field, away from the others. We didn’t go far enough for privacy, just far enough for everyone to pretend not to watch.
I crossed my arms. “So. How long has this been going on?”
Her brows pulled together. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Lilian.”
She straightened. “I’m not playing anything. If you have something to say, just say it.”
I laughed, sharp and humorless. “You and Hayden. Smiling and walking together. You were flirting with him.”
Her jaw tightened. “That’s what this is about?”
“Oh, don’t act innocent. You’re my best friend.”
“And?” she snapped. “That doesn’t mean I need your permission to exist on campus.”
My nails dug into my palms. “Did you hook up with him?”
Her eyes widened. “What? No.”
“Are you lying?”
“No!” she shot back. “Why would you even ask me that?”
“Because everyone is saying it,” I said. “Because suddenly you’re everywhere he is.”
She shook her head slowly. “People say a lot of things.”
“You didn’t deny liking him.”
She froze. That pause felt like a slap.
“I…..” She stopped, then exhaled. “That’s not your business.”
The words burned. “Not my business?” I stepped closer. “You knew what he was to me.”
“What was he to you?" she repeated. “Ella, you wouldn’t even be seen with him.”
“That’s not the point.”
“That is exactly the point,” she snapped. “You treated him like a secret you were ashamed of.”
I flinched. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know what I saw,” she said. “I saw him alone and I knew he got dragged online while you stayed quiet.”
“That wasn’t easy for me!”
“So?” Her voice rose. “You think it was easy for him?”
A couple of girls nearby glanced over but I didn’t care.
“You don’t get to judge me,” I said. “And you definitely don’t get to move in on someone I……”
“You what?” she cut in. “Claimed?”
I stared at her. “You’re unbelievable.”
“And you’re acting as if I betrayed you,” she shot back. “When all I did was talk to him.”
“Don’t lie to me,” I hissed. “I know there’s more.”
Her lips pressed together. “Even if there was, you gave up the right to be angry.”
That snapped something in me. I shoved her backwards making her stumble but before she fell, she steadied herself.
The field went silent.
“Don’t touch me,” she warned.
“You don’t get to play victim,” I said, voice shaking. “You knew exactly what you were doing.”
She shoved me back harder. “No. You just hate that someone else is not a fucking slut like you are.”
Gasps rippled around us.
“Say that again,” I said.
“I said,” she stepped forward, “you didn’t want him until someone else did.”
My heart slammed against my ribs.
“You’re a fake friend,” I said. “Always have been.”
Her eyes flashed. “And you’re selfish.”
That was it. I lunged at her
My hands tangled in her hair as I pulled hard. Someone screamed. We stumbled, nearly hitting the ground before arms grabbed at us, pulling us apart.
“Stop!” someone yelled.
Lilian was breathing hard, eyes blazing. “You don’t get to blame me for your choices.”
“And you don’t get to touch what was mine,” I snapped.
“He was never yours, bitch. You were just a slut who left her boyfriend for a dick,” she said quietly.
That hurt more than anything else.
Coaches were rushing over now and I could hear voices everywhere. I barely heard them.
Lilian looked at me one last time. “You lost him all by yourself when you decided not to at least talk to him. You were the cause of his problems but you ran immediately and the problem skyrocketed.”
They pulled her away.
I stood there shaking, chest heaving, humiliation crashing over me all at once.
The whispers had already started and for the first time, I realized something terrifying—I hadn’t just lost Hayden.
I had lost the one person who was supposed to be on my side.
I stood there long after they dragged her away.
My hands were shaking. My scalp burned where she’d yanked my hair back before the coaches intervened. Someone shoved a hoodie into my hands, telling me to cover up and try to calm down. Their voices blended into meaningless noise buzzing in my ears.
I caught fragments anyway.
“Suspended.”
“Unacceptable behavior.”
“Office. Now.”
The coach’s grip on my arm was firm, she looked disappointed. That hurt more than the fight.
As they walked me off the field, I felt eyes on my back. Phones were already out. Someone whispered my name like it was the next hit gossip.
I wanted to scream at them to mind their business, to stop looking at me.
In the hallway outside the locker rooms, the coach finally let go of my arm. “You need to get your things and go back to your dorm,” she said. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”
I nodded, even though my throat was tight.
Inside the locker room, it smelled like perfume and sweat and something sour. My reflection in the mirror looked wild, my eyes were red, my hair messy, face flushed with rage and shame. I barely recognized myself.
This wasn’t who I was supposed to be.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I didn’t need to check to know what it was. I knew it was messages, tags, screenshots already circulating. The fight would be everywhere by tonight. By morning, it would be twisted into something uglier.
I sank onto the bench and pressed my palms into my eyes.
I had come here to confront her. To protect what I thought was mine.
Instead, I’d destroyed everything.
Hayden was gone, Lilian was gone and whatever version of myself I thought I could defend…..that was gone too.
When I finally stood and walked out, the field was empty.
But the damage was done.