Chapter 49 : Tangled Heart
HAYDEN’S POV
The next morning felt like it hadn’t earned the right to exist.
I barely slept. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Stephen pacing across the room. Heard the way he had said, ‘You’re my brother,’ like it was both a fact and a warning.
I left before he woke up.
The campus was already buzzing when I got there. Groups clustered near the fountain, coffee cups in hand, backpacks slung over shoulders. It was a normal Tuesday, well annoyingly normal. Like nothing had shifted on its axis.
I kept my head down and headed toward my first class.
That’s when I saw her…..Lilian.
She was standing near the steps of the humanities building, blonde hair pulled into a high ponytail, cheer jacket zipped halfway up. She spotted me almost immediately, and the second our eyes met, I knew I wasn’t getting out of this.
She walked straight toward me.
“Hey,” she said, offering a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“Hey.” I adjusted the strap of my backpack, pretending I wasn’t bracing myself.
“We need to talk.”
Of course we did.
I glanced around like I might find an escape route in the middle of the quad. No luck. “I’ve got class at five.”
“This won’t take long.”
It would. I could already tell.
“After practice,” I said quickly. “On the field, you've got cheer, I’ve got soccer. We’ll both be there.”
She studied me for a second, probably trying to figure out if I was blowing her off again.
“Okay,” she said finally. “After practice.”
“Yeah.”
She nodded once, then walked away.
I exhaled slowly.
Avoiding her had been easier when I didn’t have to see the confusion on her face.
Practice came faster than I expected.
The whole day felt like I was running on autopilot. I answered questions in class without remembering what they were. I laughed when someone said something funny. I texted back in the group chat like nothing was off.
But underneath it all, there was this constant buzz.
Stephen hadn’t looked at me when I left this morning.
Now we were on opposite ends of the locker room, not speaking, moving around each other like strangers who happened to share the same space.
The coach barked instructions, and I threw myself into drills harder than usual. As I sprinting, shooting and letting my muscles burn.
It was easier to focus on the ball than on the way Stephen’s presence tugged at the edge of my awareness.
Across the field, the cheer team was running through their routine. I caught flashes of red and white uniforms in my peripheral vision and Lilian.
She was sharp and in perfect control. Hitting every count perfectly.
She used to text me after games and she sat in the stands with a grin like she’d personally scored every goal.
I’d stopped answering as much.
Not because she had done anything wrong.
That was the problem.
Practice finally wrapped up. The sky was streaked orange and purple, the air cooler than it had been earlier. The soccer team dispersed toward the locker room, but I stayed behind, grabbing my water bottle and sitting on the edge of the bleachers.
A few minutes later, Lilian jogged over.
“Hey,” she said again, softer this time.
“Hey.”
She didn’t sit right away. Just stood in front of me, arms crossed loosely over her chest.
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
She went straight to it.
“I’ve been busy.”
She raised an eyebrow. “That’s not an answer.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “It kind of is.”
“No, it’s not.” Her voice wavered slightly before she steadied it. “Did I do something?”
The question landed heavier than I expected.
“No.”
“Then why does it feel like you don’t want to be around me anymore?”
Because being around you feels like I’m lying. I looked out at the emptying field instead of at her. “It’s not about you.”
“That’s what people say when it is.”
I huffed a quiet laugh. “You always overthink.”
“Only when someone gives me a reason to.”
Silence settled between us. The last of the teams were heading inside now. The field lights flickered on as dusk crept in.
“I just…” She exhaled slowly and finally sat down beside me, leaving a few inches of space between us. “I don’t get it. We were fine and then you just… pulled back.”
Stephen’s words from last night echoed in my head.
You stopped being… you.
“I’ve had a lot going on,” I said.
“Like what?”
I hesitated.
There was no way I could explain this. Not the real version. Not the part where my chest tightened every time my brother looked at me like I was something he didn’t understand.
“It’s family stuff,” I said instead.
Her expression softened a little. “With Stephen?”
My jaw tightened. “It’s complicated.”
She studied me carefully. “Does this have something to do with Ella?”
There it was.
I forced myself to meet her eyes. “Why would you think that?”
“Because everyone saw what happened on the field yesterday,” she said quietly. “And because you haven’t been the same since.”
I swallowed. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?” she pressed. “Hayden, I’m not stupid. If you don’t want to be with me, just say that. I’d rather hear the truth than feel like I’m chasing someone who’s already halfway out the door.”
Her words stung because they were fair. “I’m not seeing anyone else,” I said.
“That’s not what I asked.”
I stared down at my hands. She deserved more than half-answers.
“I don’t know what I want right now,” I admitted.
The confession felt small compared to the storm in my head, but it was the closest I could get without blowing everything up.
Her shoulders dropped slightly. “So this is about you figuring yourself out?”
“Something like that.”
“Am I just… collateral damage while you do that?”
The guilt hit fast and sharp.
“No. I never meant for you to feel that way.”
“But I do.”
The honesty in her voice made it harder to hide behind vague statements.
“I care about you,” I said, and that part was true. “I just don’t think it’s fair to pretend everything’s normal when it’s not.”
She blinked a few times, like she was trying not to let her emotions show too much. “Is there someone else?”
The question hung there.
For a split second, Stephen’s face flashed in my mind. The way he’d looked at me last night. The way his voice had cracked.
I forced my expression to stay neutral.
“No,” I said carefully. “There’s no one else.”
She searched my face, probably looking for cracks in the answer.
“Then why does it feel like I’m losing you?” she whispered.
Because I’m not even sure who I am anymore.
I stood up slowly, needing movement. “You’re not losing me.”
“Then stop acting like I’m already gone.” Her voice broke slightly on the last word.
I turned back to her. “I just need time, Lilian.”
“For what?”
I didn’t have a clean answer. “To figure my head out.”
She stood too, close enough now that I could see the frustration and hurt mixing in her eyes.
“I can give you time,” she said quietly. “But I can’t keep guessing where I stand.”
“That’s fair.”
The field lights buzzed above us. The campus around us had gone almost completely quiet.
She nodded slowly. “Okay.” It didn’t feel like okay. She stepped back f
irst. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah.”
I watched her walk away across the field, her cheer bag slung over her shoulder.
When she disappeared into the building, I finally let out the breath I’d been holding.
One conversation down.
And somehow, everything still felt just as tangled.