Chapter 9 The waiting was torture.
Saraphina
The rest of the drive was quiet. The only sounds were me drinking my milkshake and Ryan humming along with the car radio. Nothing else.
After a long time, he pulled over next to a cliff. The spot was incredible, with the whole huge ocean spread out below us. The sun was starting to go down, painting the sky in soft pink and orange and purple. The clouds looked like they were made of candy floss. I had never seen a sunset like this back in the city.
“Well, little sis, this is Hawaii,” Ryan said, sounding pleased. “Not too fucking bad, right?”
“Wow,” I said, my mouth hanging open. “This is better than any picture I have ever seen. Is this a park?”
“No. This is just a place I like,” he said. “My own spot.”
“Do you come here often?”
“Sometimes,” he said with a shrug. “I come here when I need to be by myself and just… think.”
I got the strange feeling he was not looking at the view, but at me. When I turned my head, I caught him doing just that. He looked away fast and pushed his car door open.
“Let’s go,” he said.
He got out and walked to the front of his truck, leaning back against it. I went and stood beside him. As I stared at the amazing scene in front of us, I had to admit my mother was right about one thing. The ocean here was something else. We had a beach back in the city, but comparing the two was a joke. They were not the same at all.
I took a deep breath. Even way up here, I could smell the sea. A warm wind moved through my hair. Down below, the waves were crashing against the shore, over and over. The sound was perfect.
I could not stop myself from smiling.
“You can’t get this in New York City, huh?” Ryan said, taking off his sunglasses.
“No. You really can’t,” I said, my smile growing.
Without meaning to, I found myself looking at Ryan again. This was the first time I had seen his eyes so close. The sun was shining on his face in just the right way, making him look like some kind of storybook prince caught in the light. He was properly handsome. His eyes held my attention completely. They were a deep blue and seemed to be full of secrets and old stories.
Ryan was staring out at the ocean with a look of wanting. A sad kind of look. Then, he turned and caught me watching him. Again. Damn it. My mind went blank, scrambling for something to say.
“Um… hey, Ry, what’s that tattoo for? What does it say?” I pointed to the writing on his arm. He held his arm out so I could see it better. It said “Layla.”
“This one is important,” he said, smiling a little.
“Layla… is that your girlfriend?” I asked, teasing him. “And what’s that numbers? Is it a date?”
His face went still and serious. “Layla was my mother’s name. That is the day she died.”
My heart felt like it dropped straight into my gut. My smile vanished. I could not believe I had been so stupid and careless.
“Oh. I am sorry,” I said, the words coming out slow.
“I would never put some girl’s name on my body,” he said, his voice rough. “It is only for my mom.” I could tell he meant it.
The air around us felt heavy now, all because of what I had brought up.
“I am really sorry, Ry. I did not mean to…” I stumbled over my words.
“It is fine. It was a long time ago. She is in a better place now.”
We both stared straight ahead at the sky, not looking at each other.
“It is funny you call me Ry,” he said after the silence had stretched out. “All my friends call me RJ. Only my family calls me Ry. My mom gave me that name.”
“Oh. Should I call you RJ, then?”
“No. You can call me Ry.” He smiled. It was a different smile from his usual grins. This one looked real, the kind you do not see on him very often.
I did not know what to say to that, so I just stood there, completely still. Ryan turned his attention back to the moving water below. He squinted at the blue sea, staring at it like it held an answer.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked, careful not to push him.
“Nothing,” he said, short and sharp. But I knew it was not nothing. I could feel the weight of his thoughts, some deep and maybe even painful thing sitting on him.
“If something is on your mind, you can tell me, you know,” I said, trying to sound casual. Being the way I am, I can often tell when someone is hurting.
He was quiet, probably deciding if he should speak.
“When my mom died, we put her ashes in that ocean. I think that is why I like surfing so much… In a strange way, it makes me feel close to her again.” He stopped for a second. “She was one of the reasons I wanted to be a pro surfer.”
His words broke my heart. Without thinking, my hand went to his elbow and gave it a soft squeeze.
“I think your mom would be very proud of you,” I said gently.
“And the other reason is…” he went on, turning his eyes to me, “…surfers get laid.”
I smacked his arm right away, and he just started laughing.
“Is that all you ever think about? Girls and sex?” I groaned.
“And surfing,” he added, still laughing.
Oh, for God’s sake. I swore he was just like those guys on that TV show. Except for Ryan, it was not about the gym or tanning. It was girls, surfing, and then more girls. I hit his arm again because he would not stop laughing.
“It is what they call ‘the good life,’ little sis. You should try it sometime.”
“Thanks. But I will pass,” I said, rolling my eyes.
As his laughing settled down, he turned to me. “You know, you are surprisingly fun to talk to.”
I did not get what he meant by that. So I just muttered, “whatever.”
“You have character. You are… intriguing,” he said, that familiar smirk back on his face.
My breath caught. Wait, is he… is he flirting with me?
“Well, it is only because your own character has no depth,” I shot back, trying to break the tension building inside me.
Yes. Do not let that smooth bastard get to you.
Ryan’s mouth opened a little in surprise. But he got himself together fast. The smirk returned, and his eyes got a little wider.
Well, at least I made him quiet for a minute.
I decided to ignore him and looked back at the sky. It was a beautiful day in a beautiful place. I just wanted a moment to enjoy it and forget about the talking man-slut next to me.
So, I closed my eyes, breathed in deep, and felt the warm air move softly across my face. For a long, long time, I just listened to the sound of the waves.
We stood without speaking for what felt like ages. My eyes were only open a little, and from the side, I could see Ryan was looking at me. My long brown hair was blowing around. His eyes moved from my lips to my cheeks, then to my eyelashes, the tip of my nose, and back to my lips.
There was something in his look that was different. I did not know what was going on with him, but all at once, he lifted his hand to my face. His palm pressed against my cheek, and his fingers tilted my chin, pulling my lips a little closer to his.
My eyes were wide open, shocked. His dark blue eyes were locked on to mine, like he was trying to find an answer deep inside me.
For a moment, we just looked at each other. I did not know what he was thinking. I did not know what I was thinking. With his hand warm on the side of my face, I could not move.
Ryan’s hand began to move slowly, stroking my cheek and then the edge of my lips. His touch was so slow, so careful, as if I was something delicate he might break.
I felt that tight feeling in my stomach return, stronger than it had ever been.
Ryan leaned in closer, and his hand gently guided my face toward his.
It felt like time had stopped. He never looked away from me. I looked up at him, waiting, not knowing what would happen. Our noses were touching now, and my stomach was full of fluttering feelings. My heart was beating so hard I was scared he could hear it.
A very small smile appeared on Ryan’s face, so tiny you would not see it if you were not watching. But I saw it.
I could feel his warm breath on my skin, and he smelled like a vanilla milkshake. It made me wonder if he would taste the same.
The waiting was torture.
Both of our mouths were slightly open, only a sliver of space left between them, ready for what was about to happen. And as they almost connected.