Chapter 44 Oh my god. We are so completely screwed.
Ryan
"Hey, it's me," I said as I pushed the front door open.
Saraphina was curled up on the living room couch. Her whole face changed when she saw me, and for no good reason, that little shift made my chest feel tight.
Pizza, obviously. Saraphina and her junk food.
"You got pizza!" she shouted, already scrambling up and heading for me.
"Yep. But hold on, you wanna see something first?" I stopped her with an arm.
"Is it better than pizza?" she asked, looking doubtful.
I just gave her a look. Setting the box down, I shrugged off my jacket and showed her my left arm.
"A new tattoo?" Her voice was all air, surprised.
I nodded, slowly peeling back the bandage so she could see.
"Saraphina."
Just her name, four letters, set into my skin for good. It wasn't huge, tucked in among all my other ink. No one would spot it unless they knew to look.
"So?" I asked.
"But… you always said you'd never put a girl's name on you," she said quietly.
"Changed my mind," I shrugged.
"Well, I'm honored," she giggled, the sound edged with something else. Then she got serious. "You know this is forever, right?"
I gave her the driest look I had. "I think I get how tattoos work," I said, gesturing to my covered arms.
She caught her lip between her teeth and looked at me with an expression I couldn't pin down. I knew she loved it, but that love was scaring her.
"But Ryan… this is serious. What if someone sees?"
"They won't," I said, keeping my voice even. "It's small. It's hidden. I wear a shirt around the folks."
She still didn't look convinced. A stupid worry started creeping in.
"Do you hate it?"
"I love it," she said, the words rushing out. "I love it so much it's freaking me out a little."
A real smile broke across my face and I pulled her into me. "You don't need to say anything. Just you loving it is enough."
Saraphina settled her head against my chest and let out a long breath.
"But… why did you do it, Ry?"
"Because I love you."
It was the only truth. Saraphina's eyes went wide, and she made a small, choked sound. That word always did this to her. She hadn't said it back to me yet. But she would. I’d make sure of it.
"Oh, I saw Cameron at the tattoo place," I added, the memory popping up.
"What?" Her mouth fell open.
"I wanted to fucking ruin him."
"You didn't do anything, right?" she asked, voice careful.
"No. I didn't," I shook my head, sighing. "I wanted to. Something just… stopped me."
"Good," she said, and the tension left her shoulders. "I'm glad you walked away."
She looped her arms around my neck, pressing her body into mine. The smell of her filled my head, sweet and heavy, turning my thoughts to fog.
"What stopped you?" she asked after a moment.
"Fucking Lilo and Stitch," I laughed. She narrowed her eyes, waiting for the rest.
I didn't explain. I just leaned in and found her mouth with mine, kissing her like I needed it to breathe.
God, what this girl does to me.
Saraphina
Being with Ryan has been the best part of my summer. Maybe the best part of my life.
Ever since we took our parents to the airport, Ryan and I have been together every single day. We fell into a rhythm like an old married couple. We even had our own little routine.
Early mornings, he’d go train at the beach, and I’d wait for him, reading in the sun and sneaking looks at him when he wasn't looking. After, we’d go to the diner. Vanilla shake and pancakes, every time. Some days we’d explore the island; others we’d just stay in, wrapped up in each other.
Nights were my favorite. Making dinner, watching movies, making love. It still felt strange to think that word. But yes, I, Saraphina Livingston, loved having sex. Who would've thought two months in Hawaii would turn me into this person? Certainly not me.
But that’s life with Ryan. You never know what’s coming next.
Tonight, we were having another movie night. We were in his room, lying on his bed with a projector casting ‘Peaky Blinders’ on the wall. The room was dark and cool, but he was so warm. I was curled on top of him, my head on his shoulder.
"I really like his eyes," I said, meaning the actor’s sharp blue ones.
"Yeah?" he murmured.
"Yeah. They remind me of yours," I said, looking up at him.
God, his eyes are stupidly beautiful.
Ryan laughed, low and soft. "You can look all you want. They’re yours."
My face went warm. My heart did a crazy little dance at the thought that this man, this beautiful man, was actually mine.
"I love you, Saraphina," he said again, and my heart just stopped.
My lips parted. I wanted to say it back, I ached to, but something was still stuck in my throat. Instead of fighting it, I let my body answer.
I pushed myself up and swung a leg over his waist, settling on top of him. He watched me, his gaze dark, as I put my hands on his face and bent down to kiss him. It was soft at first, then deeper as he kissed me back.
When I finally pulled away from his mouth, I trailed kisses down his cheek, his jaw, his neck, all the way down his chest. I felt him go still when my lips brushed over the 'Saraphina' on his arm. I kept going, lower, over his stomach.
He was looking at me with pure heat in his eyes as my fingers hooked into the waistband of his boxers. I took him in my hand, then leaned down and placed one soft kiss right at the very tip.
I wasn't an expert. I’d only read about this. I hoped I was doing it okay.
Slowly, I ran my tongue over him, and Ryan made a rough, muffled sound. Holding him at the base, I took him into my mouth, as much as I could. When he touched the back of my throat, I fought the urge to pull back. Above me, Ryan was cursing, his voice broken. Usually, I was the one making those sounds. It was a change, and I liked it.
"Stop," Ryan gritted out suddenly, right as I was moving on him.
I pulled back. He was hard, glistening.
"Did I do something wrong?"
"Fuck no," he shook his head, a strained chuckle escaping him. "I just don't want to finish yet."
"But.." I started, and then he was pulling me by the chin, guiding me to straddle him again.
"Come here," he said, lining himself up beneath me. Slowly, I lowered myself, taking him inside, feeling every bit of him. "That's it. Take it. It's yours," he groaned.
‘It's mine.’
His words sent sparks all through me. I began to move, and he met me, thrusting up deeper. When it was too much, he sat up straighter, his hands holding my hips, our eyes locked. We moved together, completely in sync, and then I was falling apart. A live wire of pleasure shot through my core, spreading out in waves until my whole body was singing with it.
‘He's mine.’
I was still floating when Ryan moved us in one quick motion. Now I was on my stomach, and he was over me. He pinned my hands above my head with one of his, then settled between my legs, rubbing himself against me.
"Ry."
"Yeah?"
"I need you. Please."
He made a thoughtful sound. He was teasing me. He’d push just the tip inside, then pull back before I could get more. My body was burning up, desperate for him. I tried to push back against him, but he kept pulling away.
"Ryan!" I complained.
"Do you love me, Saraphina?" he asked, his voice quiet.
"Of course I do," I breathed out. How could he even ask?
He smiled at that. He cupped my cheek, his thumb stroking my skin. "Good. Because I love you."
Then he filled me completely, and it was the most perfect feeling in the world. He kept his eyes on mine as his pace quickened, as he pushed into me harder. My body was trembling, shaking with every movement, completely at his command. It didn't feel like mine anymore.
It was his. I am his. We didn't stop for a long time that night. We were both drunk on this feeling, on each other. When we finally collapsed, the sky outside was starting to lighten. I ached everywhere. Ryan wrapped himself around me, and I buried my face in his chest. We held onto each other and fell into the deepest sleep, both of us smiling. Because I know he's mine, and he knows I'm his.
RING! RING! RING!
The sound of my phone ripped through the quiet room. Ryan grunted, annoyed, and shifted in his sleep. Bleary-eyed, I fumbled for the phone. I didn't look at the screen, I just answered to make it stop.
"Hello?" My voice was scratchy.
"Saraphina, sweetheart! Guess what? We're coming home a day early!" Louisa's voice was bright and loud over the line.
"What?!" I bolted upright.
"We missed you two! You're leaving for college in September, and Ryan will be traveling for competitions. Clement and I decided we want more time with you both while we can," she prattled on.
"W-wait, you're coming when?" I stammered.
"We just landed! We're at the airport now. Don't trouble yourself with a ride, we'll get a cab. See you at the house in an hour!" she said cheerfully, and the line went dead.
"W-wait!"
But she was gone. I stared at my phone screen, the numbers displaying the time like a countdown.
An hour? Oh my god. We are so completely screwed.