Chapter 26 This is going to be one hell of a summer.
Saraphina
The party was done by midnight. Everyone had gone home. Clement and my mom were somewhere downstairs, and I think Ryan walked Vanessa out to her car. I told Gabe I did not feel good, so he left too. That was a lie. I just needed to be by myself. I had to sort this thing out with Ryan.
My head was a fucking disaster. When I went to talk to him earlier, I thought we were going to clear the air. Instead, I kissed him. How did I let that happen? What are we supposed to do now?
I have never felt this for anyone. I know it is wrong. But I also know I want to see what this is. No, I do not mean I want to be with him. That would be too much. People would get hurt. I do not want a real relationship. I just want to follow this feeling.
So, is there any way to do this without it being wrong? Without anyone getting hurt?
I did not sleep. My thoughts would not slow down. I lay in bed for a long time, just looking at the ceiling, thinking and waiting. I still had no answers, and I was finally about to close my eyes when my phone buzzed with a text.
Talk about perfect timing.
Ryan: Hey.
How could one word on a screen make my heart pound like this? I wrote back, "Hey," and waited, my skin feeling too tight.
Ryan: Meet me in the garage.
"Meet me in the garage." Five words. It was not a question. It was a fact, almost a command. What was I supposed to say? It was so late. What did he want to do at this hour... okay, do not even think about that.
Before I could answer, my phone buzzed again.
Ryan: Stop torturing me and just come over.
A smile broke out on my face before I could stop it. I got out of bed fast and left my room. Halfway down the stairs, I saw the living room light on. My mom and Clement were still talking. Shit. They were awake. I held my breath and crept past the door as quietly as I could, slipping outside.
The garage door was open. Ryan stood with his back to me, no shirt on. He was bent over a motorcycle. Of course he has a motorcycle, I thought. It fit him perfectly.
"I can feel that," he said, still turned away.
"Feel what?"
"You staring at me," he said with a low laugh, turning around. "Do you own a shirt?" I asked, rolling my eyes, trying to act calm. "Why did you call me out here?"
He gave me a knowing smile. He wiped his hands on a towel and threw it aside. "To pick up where we stopped," he said, walking toward me.
I did not move. I was caught. In one quick motion, he took my face in his hands and kissed me. It was fierce and full of want. Just that touch sent feeling rushing through my whole body. I could not hold back. I kissed him back, desperate and hot. He smiled against my mouth, and I smiled too, and he used that chance to slide his tongue inside.
My stomach curled tight as I felt him explore my mouth. He moved slowly, making me shake with need. He playfully touched his tongue to mine and pulled back, asking me to follow. I did. My tongue went searching for his again. I could feel him smiling because he knew I was playing along. Then his tongue claimed my mouth once more, and my back was against the wall, with him standing over me.
Oh, my god.
I felt Ryan's tongue. I felt his hands. His bare chest was pressed to me. It was so hot. My own hands moved to his neck, his back, lower. He shivered at my touch and made a low sound. He started kissing my neck, and I felt like I could not get air. A quiet moan got out of my throat.
He took that as a yes. In a smooth move, he lifted me and set me down on the work table. Sitting there, I wrapped my legs around his waist, locking him close. He grinned. We kept kissing, and I felt dizzy from it. Everything was moving naturally. I wanted to do to him what he was doing to me, so I moved my mouth to his neck and kissed him there.
Ryan groaned right away.
Oh, I loved that I could do that to him.
Our kiss got deeper, our breathing got rough. My fingers were in his hair. His hand slid under my shirt and began moving up, and that is when I stopped him.
"Wait, Ry, stop," I said, breathing hard. He looked up at me, his eyes dark and questioning. "I think we need rules," I told him.
"...Okay," he said with a quiet laugh. Then he went back to kissing my neck.
"Stop that. Pay attention," I said, giving him a light push.
He stepped back and bit his lip. "Okay, what?" he asked, still grinning.
I saw a scrap of paper and a pencil next to me. I grabbed them and started writing.
"I have been thinking for an hour, and I have decided. If we are doing this, we do it right. That means rules," I said as I wrote.
His fingers were drawing slow circles on my thigh, distracting me. I rolled my eyes and pushed his hand away.
"Pay attention!" I said again. He put his hands up.
"Okay, okay. I am listening," he said, his eyebrows up.
"Rule one, no sex. We can... do other things. But no sex," I said, my voice firm. Ryan crossed his arms but stayed quiet. He gave a small nod.
"Rule one, we do not talk about fight club. Got it," he said, trying not to laugh.
I glared at him, but I could not stop a small smile. "Rule two, this is just for fun. It is not serious. Our parents can never know. And we stop the moment it starts to feel serious," I said, my tone leaving no room for argument. He nodded again.
"And last rule, when summer ends, this ends. We never talk about it again, ever." I held his gaze.
"Are you finished?" he asked, that smug smile back on his face.
"Sign here," I said, holding out the paper. He looked at me like I was crazy, but my face was serious. He laughed, took the pencil, and signed.
When he was done, he set the paper aside. He moved close again and put a hand on my cheek.
"You sure about this?" he asked, his voice low.
"I do not know. Are you?" I asked back.
He shrugged. "I will take the risk," he said. He leaned in, smiling as his mouth got close to mine.
Then his lips were on me again. The kiss was short and sweet, just a sample. He gave me small kisses. On my lips. Near my lips. On my cheeks. I could not stop smiling. He loved to tease. And I had to admit, Ryan had a way about him.
CLANK!
A noise came from the house. We went still, holding our breath, listening. Through the garage window, we saw Clement walking around outside, looking right toward us.
Oh, fuck!
Fast, Ryan pulled me down and we ducked below the window. I almost cried out, but he put a finger to his lips. We could still hear my mom and Clement talking. Ryan held me tight against him. Being this close, I could hear his heart beating. Thump. Thump. Thump. I was sure mine was matching it.
After a while, we heard Clement and my mom go into their room. The house lights went out. We both let out a long, quiet breath, and I could finally breathe again.
Okay, I know what you are thinking. I have lost my mind. Saraphina Livingston has officially gone crazy. How could I make such a wild, stupid choice?
I was never this person. I was always careful. I was always good. But here I was, at one in the morning, making a deal with a shirtless guy in his garage. How did I get here?
"Hey," he said suddenly, tilting my face up to his. "What are you thinking?"
"I just cannot believe we are doing this. Sneaking around behind our parents' backs like a couple of desperate kids," I said, my voice flat.
I was serious, but I heard him trying not to laugh.
"It is not funny," I said, which only made him laugh more. "I mean it," I said, and he burst out laughing, then quickly tried to stop.
Ryan tried to look serious, but he failed. He wanted to laugh, and that made me want to laugh too. We could not help it. We both ended up laughing like crazy people, without making a sound, of course.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to laugh in complete silence?
When we finally stopped, Ryan held my face in his hands and gave me a soft smile.
"Stop thinking so much," he said, his fingers gentle on my skin.
"But what if this goes wrong? What if they find out?"
"They will not. We will be careful."
"But…" I tried again, and he put a finger on my lips.
"No one has to know," he whispered, his mouth almost on mine. Our noses touched. We stayed like that, breathing each other's air. "It will be our secret."
I cannot do this anymore. I just cannot. His words made my legs feel like water. His eyes looked right into me. I knew I was finished fighting. I gave up and closed my eyes, letting his lips find mine again. As I lost myself in the taste of him, I could feel him smiling against my mouth.
Because he knew he had won.
"I have a feeling," he whispered into the kiss, "this is going to be one hell of a summer."