Chapter 22 ...... ditch the purity ring fan club
“It was not a date, Mom. For the millionth time, he is just a friend,” I said, glaring at her.
“Alright,” she nodded. “And does this friend have a name?”
“Gabriel,” I said quietly.
“Well, I would really like to meet Gabriel. Maybe you should invite him over for the barbecue this weekend?” Louisa grinned.
This weekend was the Fourth of July, and the family was having a big barbecue party in the backyard. Clement loved parties, and he was inviting all the neighbors and a bunch of family friends.
“No, no. He probably has other plans,” I said, trying to shrug it off.
“Oh, that is too bad. What about you, Ryan? Are you inviting a girl over for the party?” Louisa turned to him.
‘Geez, Mom.’
“I do not know. Probably not,” he replied.
“Aw, come on. You kids are no fun,” Louisa teased.
Just then, I felt something touch my leg under the table. I looked down and saw it was Ryan’s foot, playing with mine. I rolled my eyes at him, but he pretended not to notice. I pushed his foot away, but he just did it again.
“You okay, honey?” Mom asked, looking at my irritated face. Meanwhile, Ryan was just smirking.
“Um, Mom, you know what, I think I will invite Gabriel after all.”
“Honey, that is great! I am looking forward to meeting him.” Louisa smiled happily. Ryan, however, was not smiling anymore. His smirk was gone.
After dinner, Ryan went back to the garage, and I stayed to help my mom with the dishes. Clement was watching TV, just a few feet away from us.
“So, um, honey, I just have to ask. How serious are things between you and this Gabriel?” Mom said, her voice low.
“Mom, I told you, we are just friends.”
“Yes, but you have been spending the entire week with this friend. Look, I know you are a big girl and you can take care of yourself, so I am not worried about you. Just make sure you are being safe, okay?”
“Mom!” I hissed.
“I know, I know, you hate this talk. But I have to warn you. I had you when I was sixteen. I have never regretted it, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. But please, be safe, okay?” As uncomfortable as this was, I could tell she was being completely honest. She was only trying to look out for me.
“Okay,” I nodded meekly.
“Do you have protection? Do you need me to help you get some?”
“Mom!” I cut her off. “Do not worry. I have this.” I shushed her, not wanting Clement to hear any of this embarrassing conversation. I was done talking about it.
After I finished the dishes, I was on my way up to my room when my mom’s words played again in my head.
I had you when I was sixteen. I have never regretted it, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. But please, be safe, okay?
Growing up, my mom and my grandma always told me how important it was to practice safe sex. I usually brushed it off because sex was the last thing on my mind. I had never even been on a date with a guy before. But now I was eighteen and starting college soon. I was starting to wonder if my mom was right. I did not plan on having sex with Gabriel, or with anyone, for that matter. But it was never a mistake to be safe, right?
You can never be too fucking careful.
We never know what life will throw at us, so I made a plan. I knew Ryan was still in the garage, so I thought I could sneak into his room and take a pack of condoms from his drawer.
The plan worked at first. His room was empty. I thought I was doing something harmless. Ryan would never even know I was there. But as I grabbed a pack of condoms from the drawer, I noticed something else. On his desk was a stack of CDs..The Temper Trap, The Boxer Rebellion, The Lumineers. These were all my favorite bands! I thought he did not listen to any of them? Under the CDs, I saw an open notebook with writing inside. I started to read the title: “Letters I Will Never Send.”
“What are you doing in here?” Ryan’s voice came from behind me, and I forgot how to breathe.
“Ry! Oh…hey. Ha-ha, did not see you there,” I said, turning around fast.
Ryan was quiet. He looked me up and down, his eyes full of suspicion. Then he noticed the pack of condoms in my hand.
“Sorry, I did not mean to… uh, break in here. But my mom was grilling me about being safe, so I thought I could just borrow one from you, if that is okay?” I felt incredibly awkward.
“So you are going to do it? With him?” was all he said.
I did not know what to say.
“You will not even kiss me, and you are going to do that with him?” he pressed.
“So what?” I shot back. “You were the one who kept telling me I should ditch the purity ring fan club,” I said, referring to an old joke he once made.
But he was not amused. In fact, he looked hurt.
“But the answer is no,” I said, finally putting him out of his misery. He looked up at me, and I saw a flicker of relief in his eyes. “I do not plan on doing it with him. Or with anyone else right now, for that matter. I still believe in… what I believe in. Anyway, this is just for safety precautions. So thanks for the, uh… this. And I will just, leave. Good night.” I rambled on and moved toward the door before he could say anything else.
Phew, that was close!
I had done something stupid. And no, I was not talking about the condoms I took from him. I had done something much worse. I had snatched the notebook from his desk and hidden it behind my back.