Chapter 129 My Angel | 022
AZREN
"Not tonight," I repeat, my voice softer.
Sabrina's jaw drops. Her green eyes dart between me and Noelle, lingering on the way my arm is wrapped protectively around my wife's waist.
"Azren," she says, and there's that soft, coaxing note she always uses when she thinks I'm being stubborn. "You know what happens when you skip. The voices come back louder. The cold gets deeper. The last time you tried to push through it, you nearly—"
"I know what happened last time," I drawl. My voice is calm. It's the kind of calm I haven't felt in years.
Tonight, it feels like someone opened a window in the war zone inside my skull and let fresh air in.
Noelle shifts against me, her breath warm through my shirt. I glance down. She's watching Sabrina with those big amber eyes. She's wary but not scared. And that alone encourages me.
"I'm good," I tell Sabrina. "Really."
I nearly break into a song to make sure she understands, but the bitch is definitely persistent.
"You're not," she insists, moving closer. Her voice drops to that intimate register she used to save only for me. "You're manic. You're reckless. Look at you grinning like a kid on his birthday when you should be terrified. This isn't you being strong, Azren. This is you playing with fire."
Ah...
I'm playing with fire? What does she mean? I'm the fire.
Aether stirs lazily inside me, stretching like he's just woken from a long nap.
'She's projecting,' he drawls, amused. 'But she's also scared. And she should be.'
The side effects have been getting worse. The blackouts have grown longer, the voices sharper. The cold... fuck, the cold sometimes feels like it's living under my skin. But tonight?
Tonight the cold is gone.
There's only warmth. Noelle's sweet, sweet warmth. Her cherry blossom scent just wraps around me like a blanket I didn't know I needed.
I look down at her again. She's biting her lip, her eyes drifting nervously between me and Sabrina. Waiting for me to decide.
So, I make my decision.
"No," I say again. "I'm not taking it tonight."
Sabrina's face changes. She's hurt now, maybe. But she's definitely afraid too.
"You're going to regret this," she whispers. "When the voices come back. When you wake up tomorrow and realize you almost hurt her again—"
What the fuck is she doing? Why is she acting like my mum? I hate that.
"I might," I admit quietly. "But tonight... I feel light. For the first time in years, there's no screaming." I glance down at Noelle again, my thumb brushing over her knuckles. "I just want to be myself around her. At least for a few hours. At least tonight. No drugs. No fog. Just me."
Aether rumbles approvingly in my mind.
'About damn time,' he says. 'You can't be dependent on her needles forever. Besides, the side effects are getting worse. You know that.’
I do.
Sabrina's jaw tightens. She looks like she wants to argue, but something in my face must have stopped her.
She exhales through her nose.
"Fine," she says tightly. "One night. But when it crashes—and it will—don't say I didn't warn you. I'll be ready with the dose when you call."
Good riddance. Jeez.
She turns on her heel and stalks towards the door. Noelle's fingers flex in mine.
I look down at her.
She's staring up at me with those huge amber eyes, a little stunned.
"Are you okay?" I ask softly.
She nods. Then she launches herself at me, her arms wrapping around my neck so tight I stumble back a step.
I catch her automatically, my hands sliding under her thighs to lift her. She buries her face in my neck, and I feel the hot, shaky exhale against my skin.
"You said no to her," she whispers. "You really said no."
I press my lips to her temple.
"Yeah," I murmur. "I did."
She pulls back just enough to look at me. Her eyes are wet, but she's smiling.
"I'm proud of you," she says.
"Me too, Angel," I whisper. "Me too."
I carry her down the stairs. Oh boy, tonight is going to be a long one. I haven't been sober in a very long time. Neither have I let myself stay in my manic state for nearly a full day. And worse, I have to face my old man like this. He's going to hate to see me coming.
“Alpha? The car’s all set!” I hear Jake call out from the porch. I hum in satisfaction, holding my baby girl close.
We fall into step beside Jake.
“Alpha, news has leaked about your private marriage to Noelle. Her identity hasn’t been exposed yet. But most people are showing interest, curious to know who your wife is. An insider might have leaked it,” he tells me, and I tilt my head to look at him.
“Find them, Jake. Make sure you find them. I don’t care if they’re half dead or inches from the grave when you do. I want them brought to me. Corpse and all,” I say, and he gulps.
He knows I’m not bluffing. Good for him.
...
The car hums beneath us, the city lights flashing across the tinted windows. Jake's driving quietly for once, thank fuck. His eyes are on the road, but I can feel him glancing in the rearview every few seconds like he's waiting for me to combust.
I don't care.
Noelle's tucked against my side in the back seat, our fingers entwined.
I let my head drop sideways until my cheek rests on her shoulder. Heavy. So fucking heavy. My eyelids feel like they've been dipped in lead.
She shifts, tilting her face up towards me.
"You're sleepy," she whispers, surprised. "Sabrina said you're manic."
I huff a laugh against her scalp. It comes out thicker than usual.
"Mm. Manic," I mumble, the word dragging.
"Usually... yeah. I used to feel like I’m freezing to death. Voices screaming. Wanting to break things. Sometimes I want to break people. Or myself." I nuzzle deeper into her hair, breathing her in. "But right now... I’m just warm. Heavy. Good heavy. Like I could sleep for a decade."
She's quiet for a second. Then her fingers trace slow circles on the inside of my wrist.
"How is that manic?" she asks softly. "You're practically purring."
I chuckle again. It rumbles in my chest, lazy and rough.
"Sexy buffer," I slur, my lips brushing her temple. "You. You're my sexy... buffer. The voices are still there. Just... muffled. Like they're yelling through cotton. The cold's gone. The need to rip something apart is... quiet. I'm still buzzing—fuck, I'm buzzing—but it's... good buzzing. Like champagne instead of gasoline."
I lift my head just enough to look at her. My vision swims for a second. There are pretty colours around her face, the halo of streetlight in her hair, those big amber eyes staring at me like I'm her entire universe.
"You do that," I murmur, my voice thick and slow. "You make the storm... soft. It’s not gone. It’s only... soft. I could stay like this forever. Head on your shoulder. Your fingers on my wrist. Your scent is everywhere. There’s no screaming or ice in my veins. Just you."
Her cheeks flush pink. She bites her lip—gods, that little habit is going to kill me one day—and squeezes my hand.
"You're really sleepy," she whispers again, awed.
"Mmhm." I let my head drop back onto her shoulder, nuzzling into the crook of her neck. "Your fault. You’re so warm."
I feel her smile against my hair.
"Sleepy manic," she teases softly. "That's a new one."
I hum in agreement, already drifting. The car rocks gently beneath us.
I just want this.
Her heartbeat under my ear. Her scent drowning out everything else. It’s fucking perfect. And it terrifies me because I can lose it all in the blink of an eye.
“Uh…alpha…we’re being followed,” Jake suddenly says, and my eyes pop open.
Damnit. Did I jinx this for myself already? I knew it. This peace was too good to be true.
“How many?” I ask, rubbing my eye with my left hand.
“Az,” Noelle whispers, glancing at me with a worried look on her face.
I cup her face with unsteady hands and give her a big kiss on the cheek, causing her to giggle.
“What do we do now?” She whispers.
“There are twelve cars in general, Alpha. From the looks of it, eleven of them are escorting car number twelve,” Jake says, and a smirk tugs at my lips in realization.
“Looks like Haden finally grew some balls,” I grin.
“Uh… Alpha, if I just increase my speed, maybe they won’t catch up to us?” Jake says, his voice trembling slightly.
“Where’s the fun in that? Stop the car, pretty please?” I say, holding my hands together.