Have a good life
VINCE
The expectant knock on my door made me hurriedly finish the glass of whiskey I've been brooding over for minutes.
I set the glass down on the tray just as the door slowly opened. Miguel walked inside, bowing.
“You asked for me?”
“Yes. Uh, have a seat.” He bowed again and settled into one of the seats. I went to mine, settling in smoothly. We sat in silence for seconds, before I could think of the right words to begin this conversation.
“I thought we should talk.”
He nodded. “What's it about?”
“Uh,” God, this is weird. It's not something I've said before. But it has to be said. So...
“I just thought I should thank you.”
He arched his brow. “What?”
Yeah, I was expecting that reaction.
“For the years of loyalty and servitude,” I continued, trying to keep my voice firm and pick my words right. “For always having my back and being willing to dive into messes for me. I'm really grateful.”
His expression was blank. I was already feeling awkward. I needed him to save my ass but he was fucking mute.
I guess that's what happens when two emotionally guarded, stoic men try to express their emotions to each other for the first time.
He finally gave a brisk chuckle. But quickly ate it up. “Sorry, I don't know why I found that funny.” he sniffed, folding up his lips to hold back his laugh.
He deserved a smack on the head for that. But I'll overlook it this one time.
“I'm sure it sounded weird,” I said instead.
“Well, sort of. But it's fine. It's sweet. I don't need to be thanked for doing my job.”
“You weren't just doing your job, Miguel. Don't be so humble. That much loyalty wasn't about obligation or about whatever patriotic feeling you had for the Pack and you know it.”
I was staring right into his eyes, yanking out those guarded emotions he was trying to keep locked in. He finally nodded and shrugged.
“You're a great boss and serving in your army became my life's purpose.”
“And I appreciate that. I really do. But I'd really love it if you searched for a new life purpose.”
He went awfully quiet. I knew when I got to this part of the conversation, it would get really hard and messy between us. I've rehearsed my words over and over. But I could never guarantee what his reaction would be. If he's gonna take this easy or hard.
With the quick change of his expression, he's definitely not gonna take it easy.
“Boss,” he cleared his throat, adjusting in his seat. “If this is about the mission we'll be going on tonight, then you don't have to worry. I'm not gonna get hurt. They're all a bunch of old sacks of bones anyway.”
“Miguel…”
“I actually find it funny you're worried over it.” He chuckled but it was dry. There was no amusement. On the contrary, he was freaking out. I guess he's one of those ones who yaps a lot when they're freaking out.
“I've gone to more suicidal missions and I returned in one piece. This one's nothing. I assure you. I'll be back before you know it. I'll be back in a fucking blink of an eye.”
“Yeah, except you won't be coming back.”
He stiffened. “What do you mean?”
“You won't be returning to this Pack after this mission, Miguel. I'm relieving you of your duties as the general of my army.”
He went pale. I gave him a few seconds to process that. He wasn't processing it right. His eyes were flickering a lot. His lips had gone dry out of the blue and he was licking them up to give them a bit of life.
“Did I do something wrong?” There was a rising panic in his voice.
“No, you've done everything right. Perfect, if I'm being honest. And that's why.”
“I don't understand it but I know that's a stupid decision. You can't do that, boss.” He began, with a cracked, pleading voice. “There's no man in that army who can protect you and have your back as much as I did.”
“I know that. But the thing is, no one has to watch my back anymore. Because I'll be leaving too.”
His eyes widened. “What?”
“Yeah. I'll be abdicating my throne.”
“Why? Where will you be going?”
“France. Japan. The foreign Packs. The island. Anywhere but here.”
“That's insane. Why would you wanna do that? Why would you even think about relegating your throne? It doesn't make any sense.”
I breathed out in exhaustion, clasping my hands together. This is getting more difficult than I thought.
“Boss, really. You can't do that. Think of the chaos it's gonna bring. The men will panic. The army will be ruined. Our enemies will take that as an opportunity to invade our Packs.”
“Rogues are our biggest enemies and we're making peace with them. Any other enemies can easily be handled by the army.”
“Yes, but without you here, the army will crumble. You're their source of strength. You're the fire they breathe. They'll get lukewarm if you leave. You know that. Boss, you know that.”
“I know. Of course, I know. But I'm really hoping and betting that I trained them better than that. They're not a bunch of emotional men who'd throw tantrums in my absence. They're strong-willed. They love the pack and they'll protect it with their lives, even in my absence.”
“Boss, are you really serious?” Miguel wasn't having it. “Why would you even wanna leave? I still don't get it.”
“Well, for one, because of my roots. I'm a rogue by birth. I don't deserve to lead a bunch of purebloods. Also, when the people find out, they're gonna turn against me. I don't wanna get to that point. I wanna leave now that I still have a bit of their love and respect.”
“Boss, you know we can easily keep your roots a secret forever.” Miguel countered. “And the men are never gonna find out. I swear to you.”
“We can't keep it a secret forever.”
“Alright. But even if they find out, I doubt they're gonna hate you. They're fucking devoted to you. The day they swore their allegiance to you, they meant every word.”
He was making a good argument that I found myself momentarily speechless. It's weird how I called him to tell him about a decision I already took and he's skillfully trying to convince me otherwise.
It's clear he's not gonna back down or even try to understand me unless I give him a good enough reason.
“I'm also avoiding the reality of the people turning on me soon. Not because of my roots. But because of my recent actions. You know they haven't been really pristine, with the killing of the elders and everything.”
“They'll get over it. They love you. They're indebted to you for literally everything you've done for them. They owe you their fucking lives and I think they know that. So I doubt they'll kick you under the bus over one mistake.”
Again, I'm speechless and musing over the words. And to be honest, he's right. If I decide to stay, all I need to do is give out free funds and stuff like that, and the people are gonna forgive me like nothing ever happened.
But God, I don't wanna stay. And maybe this conversation is going in circles because I'm not being truthful enough. So maybe I should just lay it out there. Maybe that'll make him stop trying to convince me to stay.
“Listen, Miguel,” my voice dropped to a desperate whisper. “The thing is, I'm fucking exhausted. I'm tired. Do you understand that?”
He went pale. Didn't say a word.
I continued. “I've been stressing since I became an Alpha at teenagehood. There hasn't been a moment of peace for me since then. And then I formed and led one hell of an army and you know what that does to a man's mental health. And I was one devoted godfather and Alpha to the people. And I loved it, heavens know that. But I'm tired. Of all of it. I need a fucking break.”
He was still speechless. But his eyes were reading and calculating. Probably trying to convince me that I had no reason to be tired.
“Do you think I have no reason to be exhausted?” I asked out loud.
He gulped loudly. Silent at first and then he slowly shook his head. “I think you do.”
I nodded satisfactorily, backing off. “Thank you.”
A tight, buzzing silence hovered between us. Then he spoke up.
“So what's gonna become of the people, and the army in your absence?” His voice trembled at his unsuccessful attempt to hold back his emotions.
I knew this conversation would get emotional at some point. But I didn't prepare myself for that. So it was beginning to rub off on me too. His rapid blinking triggered tears in my eyes.
We'd better wrap it up quickly. Or we're both gonna turn into some whimpering mess.
“You won't need to worry about that. Because as I said earlier, you're not returning to this Pack.”
“Boss…”
“As you leave tonight, it'd be best you say your goodbyes to whoever you hold dear here. Once you're done in the woods, my lawyer will be waiting for you at the corner of the street in a car.”
I took out a file and handed it over to him. He slowly took it, curiosity shimmering in his eyes.
“I transferred 2% of my shares to your name. You'll also see that there are some decisions you'll need to make. Like the car you want, the house locations you want, all you gotta do is choose. My lawyer will finalize the agreement with you. And lastly, you'll see the royal order, relinquishing you of your duties as the general of my army.”
“I don't want any of this.” He snapped the file shut, trying to drop it back on the table. I hissed, stopping him.
“If you drop that file, I'll be forced to shove it down your fucking throat. All I know is that you're gonna be with it, one way or the other.”
“Boss.” A tear dropped. “I don't wanna be away from you.”
“And I'm asking you to get the fuck away from me!” I snapped, rising to my feet. “Please,” I added, from the fucking depth of my heart.
“What am I gonna be doing with a house, cars, or this huge sum of money? I'm not a businessman, you know that, boss. All I know how to do is serve you. And I wanna do that all my life.”
“I refuse to watch you waste your whole life playing my sidekick. If you don't know what to do with so much cash, how about you start by choosing a mate? Start a family. I promise you, you're gonna love that life better than the war and bloodshed we had going on here.”
I walked out of my seat, heading for the door.
“Where are you gonna go, Boss?” He asked, making me halt. “Can I visit sometimes?”
Looking at him and all that sincerity in his eyes made me finally shed a couple of tears.
I know what it feels like to love someone to the point that you wanna live the rest of your life for them. It's like how I feel for Elena and now, Claire.
It's an intense, happy, sad, depressing, caging feeling. I'm trapped in mine; willingly trapped. I wouldn't have it any other way.
But not Miguel. I don't want him getting trapped in that. At least not with me. He needs to have a life outside my shadow. He deserves that much. For his unbeatable loyalty.
It's fucking hard to find such loyalty in a random guy you met by luck. Even harder letting go of it.
But I have to let him go. That's my final act of love towards him.
“No. You can't visit me.” I said with a smile. “Have a good life, Miguel.”
I left the room, without one more glance at him.