I hate him
ELENA
I put on the silver matching earrings and necklace that Father gifted me earlier today. Watching my reflection in the mirror, I could see that I was a glowing depiction of beauty and anger.
I've been so angry for three years and more tonight as I prepared to attend the Don-El party. The thought that he might be there was brewing intense rage in my chest.
For three years, I've dreamt of nothing but confronting him. To lash out at him for what he did to me. For what he did to my little girl…
Because what the fuck do you mean that I got rid of our first child, and he hated me so much for it, and insisted that I kept the second pregnancy, only to ignore our baby girl when she finally came?
Now she's growing up with no fatherly love and there's nothing I can do to fix that for her. Sure, she doesn't mention him and acts okay, but I'd be stupid to believe she isn't craving what her peers have — a complete family.
If I see him tonight, if I get the chance, I'd love to smack his rigid face, over and over. That's not gonna be enough to fix the damage he's done to my little girl but it'd be a good start.
“Mummy?” The tiny figure in my room brought me out of my malicious thoughts.
A sweet smile was already on my face before I turned around. “Baby, why are you still awake?”
“Are you going somewhere, Mummy?” She pouted, hugging me.
“Aww, don't be like that,” I scooped her off her feet and gently placed her on my bed, then sat next to her, holding her little hands.
Her full brunette hair was in elegant French braids. She had eyes like Vince's and dare I say, his aura too. The intense, dominating aura but in a very princessly manner. But she's fucking gorgeous, like her gorgeous mother. I'm never giving that credit to Vince. It's all mine.
“I wanna come with you, Mummy.” She pouted, giving me those puppy eyes that make me change my mind instantly.
Too bad I have to stand on my ground about this. I can't take her to that party. Firstly, it's gonna be too crowded there and she's too young for the exposure. Secondly, I don't want her to meet Vince. Not like this, at least.
“Sorry, baby, but kids aren't allowed there.” I patted her hair. “But tell you what? How about we go to the amusement park during the weekend?”
“Really, Mummy?” She squealed, hugging me. Thank God she's easy to pacify too. Sometimes I hate it. I want her to throw tantrums, too, like other kids. I want her to be a little bit more demanding. I don't want her to always be so understanding and obliging. That's how you develop low self-esteem and grow up believing you don't deserve better things. That's how you grow up with zero audacity to demand better things.
The door opened and Tracy stepped inside, smiling at the sight of us.
“Why's she so excited?”
Claire broke the hug and went to Tracy. “Mummy said we'll be going to the amusement park. You're coming with us, right, Aunt Tracy?”
Tracy glanced at me. I nodded at her and she smiled. “Sure, baby. We'll all be going.”
“Yippee,” she hugged Tracy too. “Goodnight Mummy. Goodnight Aunt Tracy.” She sang and ran off.
I laughed at her dramatic exit. She's so lively, and radiant. So I'd never understand why anyone wouldn't wanna be her father. She's the sweetest thing ever.
“You're…going to the Don-El party?” Tracy asked, assessing my outfit.
“Yes.” I gestured at her to grab my shoes lying in a corner. She did, placing them under my feet then she went to sit on my vanity table. I began putting on my shoes.
“Are you…gonna meet Uncle Vince?”
Hearing someone else say his name hurts differently.
“I don't know.” I still wasn't very comfortable discussing such sensitive topics with Tracy.
As much as I'm trying hard to rekindle the sisterly bond we used to share, it's still impossible to completely forget all the pain we caused each other.
I'd never admit this to Father but our sisterly bond will never be impeccable again. We could only try though.
“Claire has such striking features as Uncle Vince. She's literally a female version of the Walker men, it's insane. Maybe…maybe…if my child survived and was a girl, she might have looked like that too. But I guess I'll never find out.”
I looked at her. Her eyes were glistening with tears. The mood was suddenly melancholic. I wasn't sure what to say.
She chuckled, drying her eyes. “Don't mind me. I just can't help it sometimes. Your daughter's so perfect.”
Yes. So damn perfect that her Father doesn't want to have anything to do with her.
“Did you tell Claire you might see her Father at the party tonight?”
My chest tightened. “Why would I tell her that?”
“Elena, are you planning on keeping her away from Uncle Vince?”
“No, I don't have such plans. But I'll never send her to him if he doesn't demand to see her. And so far, he hasn't made such demands.”
I kept a straight face as I went to rummage through my wardrobe for a blazer to complete my outfit. But my eyes were fighting viciously to keep in the tears threatening to spill.
It hurts, God, it hurts. There's no downplaying it. How did he insist I keep the baby only to ghost me after the child was born?
Father definitely sent him countless messages and he ignored all of them.
Sometimes, I can't help but think maybe he wanted a son. An heir. And since Claire isn't that, he felt disappointed and decided not to show up in her life.
She's my little angel but to Vince, she's just a big disappointment. And that hurts. A lot.
How could he reduce me to a miserable single mother who looks at her daughter every day and hopes for her sake that her father would demand to see her?
As much as I hate him, I still pray every day that he asks for Claire. That he demands for her. Just so my little girl won't have to have to go through the trauma of growing up without a Father.
But it's already been three years and…and…
A sob escaped my lips.
“Elena, are you crying?” Tracy's question ruined my restraint and I turned into a wailing mess.
“Geez, don't do that. Please.” She came and hugged me. I held her so tight, needing every consolation I could get.
“I hate him!”
“You should,” she said, rubbing my back.
“I hate him so much!!”
“We all hate him. So please don't cry over him anymore. Claire doesn't need a man like him in her life. She has you, she has me, she has Father. She even has Liam. We're more than enough.”
Yes, we are. I finally succeeded in putting a leash on my tears so we disengaged from the hug.
“You've ruined your make-up.”
“I know.” I went back to my table and fixed myself up. Tracy and I hugged again before I grabbed my purse, the blazer and headed downstairs.
Liam was waiting for me. We're going together. He led the way outside and opened the passenger door for me. Tracy was at the front porch waving at us until we drove out of the compound.
I was silent, just staring at the moving houses. I jerked a bit as Liam's hand rested on mine. I looked at him. He had concern written on his face.
“Are you alright, Elena?”
I forced a smile. “Of course, I am.”
Why wouldn't I be?