PAST TRAUMA

PAST TRAUMA
“I mean yeah, you are right. I guess I wasn’t thinking straight earlier” Aja thought to her self.

“Of course not “ Moxie chuckled “It was all hot and sexy and definitly normal” she assured her “Listen, you don’t actually have to plan anything, that was just a suggestion. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing” she told her.

“Well it won’t be tonight anyways, he had to leave earlier. He won’t be back until Tuesday since he had to travel” Aja said, her voice expressing her disappointment.

“Oh, I thought he was home. Where did he travel to?” Moxie asked.

“He said he needed to meet with one of his partners in person and their pack is located in Spain” She said.

“Aww thats far huh? And for a whole weekend” Moxie sympathized “Just keep yourself busy until then. Shouldn’t be hard, that witch has you locked in with the training and I can come over again spend some time if you want” She added.

Aja smiled appreciating her wanting to help “Thanks, yeah that would fun, we could watch movies when I am done. I know Malia loves the theater room “ she laughs.

“Mmmhm, Right. She would live there if I let her” Moxie agreed

“Can I ask you something..thats like…personal?” Aja asked.

“Ooooh. Personal questions, okay yeah. Lets get to the good stuff” Moxie wiggled her eyebrows doing a little dance.

Aja laughed out loud “stop making that face, its too funny looking” she said then cleared her throat “I wanted to know about….well playing the fittle” she said.

Moxie laughed “Right, what about?”

“Well, I had only that one experience and…it was a horrible traumatizng.” Aja started

“I am gonna stop you right there. I don’t think you should use that situation as an example of what sex can be like. What happend was not sex that was abuse and it was not something you wanted. So what you will be doing with Cailin should be like…..something you consider to be a new experience, something you will be learning for the first time. You know what I mean?” Moxie explained.

“Ummm” Aja looked a bit confused.

“What I mean is for example. You guys start getting into it right, and get to the main part. Don’t go on a spiral of overthinking and fear asking yourself questions like- is it going to be similar to that time? Will it hurt like that time? Will it feel like that time? Is there something I need to do so its not like before?....... Will I be dirty again?” Moxie said, she grabbed Aja’s hand “The answer to all of those types of questions is no. And I am not saying its easy to just stop yourself from thinking something in the moment but just keep what I am saying in mind.” she finished.

“I have thought of it before” Aja nodded “And I know Cailin would never hurt me that way. I trust him…and when I am with him its natural and I am not scared” Aja smiles thinking about him “He just makes everything better like its gonnabe okay…..it’s like-If this room was surrounded by fire with no way out, if he tells me we will be okay, I believe him…..I just do” she says softly.

“And that’s love honey. Tha’ts real love, what people don’t talk about is how different sex can be depending on who you are doing it with. I think specifically for women, in general sex is always the best experience when you are doing it with someone who loves you. Someone you love and trust because when you feel safe, loved, cared about-the experience is so different than with someone who you barley know; or a fling with someone who doesn’t really care about it. So it’s okay to be scared because it’s something you have never done and it's new and you want it to go well. But don’t let yourself be scared because of what happened in the past. Even if you make a hundred mistakes while trying it, it will be something you won’t have a comparison to.” Moxie told her, she really hopes what she is saying makes sense. She wants nothing more that for Aja to have the best experience. She is basically inexperienced this is all new to her. Although she is sure Cailin will take care of her, anyone can see in his eyes how in love he is with her.

“Thank you Moxie, really. Even though I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anyone else, I am happy that I can talk to you about this stuff, it’s easy with you because you just get it.“ Aja smiled over at her.

“You are most welcome, I’m here for whenever you need to talk. I appreciate you too, you know” she shoved her playfully “I feel less alone myself and I think giving you advise kind of helps me feel like what I went through can be used in a positive way even though it wasn’t anything close to it.” he smiled back at her.

Aja nodded her head “I agree”

“And remember to just talk to him, whatever makes you uncomfortable. Even if you are literally in the middle of it and it doesn’t feel good tell him. He can’t read your mind and it can’t get better if there is no communication. Cailin is a good man, as you already know, so he will listen and he will respect you” Moxie told her before getting out of the stool she as sitting on. She finished her last margarita and walked over to give Aja a hug “And now I am heading home because its wayy to late” she looked at Aja’s face and brushed a curl out of her face “So go get some sleep and keep working hard, okay?”

Aja nodded her head “Okay” she got off her stool too to help her out.

“No, no go to bed. I’ll let myself out. I still have to drag that little firecracker out of the Movie theater” she laughed.

“Are you sure?” Aja wasn’t convinced.

“Yes hun, goodnight?” Moxie waved at her and turned around before she could argue. She loved that girl, she was sweet and kind. She knows for a fact Eliaji would have loved her for his son. He would of probably spoiled her rotten like he used to Leny. You’re kids are all grown up now…