PORTION 45

Petot's POV

A few days later...

I'm here again in front of the master's bedroom, where my Mama is sleeping inside. I know it's late and it is the exact reason why I'm here, carefully watching her from the outside. I'm waiting for her to say that name again.

"Ally! Ally! Ally!"

After hearing that I rushed in.

Binabangungut na namamn ang Mama ko.

"Ma! Gising, Ma!" And grabbed both her arms to shake it off. I'm trying to wake her up.

As soon as she opened her eyes and saw me, she hugged me. I gave her a tight hug back, while she leaned her head on my one shoulder, crying. I just sighed, and decided to pat her back nonstop.

She kept saying that name for ten years. Ang sakit-sakit lang kasi! It's been almost ten years since I first saw her like this, but until now she's still having nightmares.

This has been happening again and again for ten years. After going to Inay's house, I always saw my Mama keep dreaming, no! It's not a dream! It's a f•cking nightmare! I don't even know if it's only ten years or more than ten years, all I just decided to do was just stay by her side no matter what.

But it hurts me the most, I can't do anything about it. Even that person, Ally, I don't know her at all except for being my Mom's best friend before. Mama doesn’t want us to know that person, either. Wala na lang talaga kaming choice kung ‘di ang laging maging nandyan para sa kanya, at ‘wag na alamin kung sino pa ang babae na yun at ang buong storya.

All I can do is watch her not every night but a whole week, because one week for a whole year it is happening. At first, I couldn’t believe it. Kasi ‘di ba ang nightmare ay once in a blue moon, and never mong malalaman kung kailan yun mangyayari, pero yung kay Mama, the h•ck! Daig pa school, kasi may schedule! One week kada isang taon, and that exactly week for that f•cking month! Starting today, the last week of this month. So, I'm always here, outside her room, so that I can wake her up from that nightmare. That's all I can do because . . .

"Ma, bakit? Halos sampung taon na ang lumipas ng malaman ko 'to, but until now, ayaw niyo pa rin sa amin ipaalam kung bakit kayo nagkaka-ganito?" I asked while hugging her.

"Hindi mo na kailangang malaman pa, `nak."

Here we go again, answering me that way again and again. Ilang pa kayang ganyang salita ang maririnig ko sa mga susunod na taon? But I always try to accept and understand her.

I hugged her so tight, and nodded. A few minutes later, I said goodbye to Mama because I wanted to get her some water. I just went out again, and went directly to the kitchen. While I was pouring the glass, I couldn't help but call Kuya.

"Ghad, kuya! Answer the phone!" I said, angrily, when he's not answering it.

When Kuya didn’t answer the call, I just decided to call my bestest friend instead.

"Petot, really? In the middle of the night?" Sam's voice is as cold as ice.

"Mama . . ."

"Tita?” she asked, but after a few seconds, she spoke again, “Nangyari na naman ba?"

"Um." I answered.

“I told you. Kung gusto mo na malaman ang katotohanan, sabihan mo lang ako.”

Ayaw ni Mama, kaya ayaw ko.

I immediately shook my head, “Sam, hindi. Ayaw ko.”

“Okay, then,” she said, before she hung up.

Kinabukasan...

"Did Tita had a nightmare again?" Tanong ni Sam habang nakataas ang kilay.

Humawak si Kuya sa sintido niya, stress, "Hindi ko na nga alam kung paano ko pa siya tatanungin, eh. We're her family but there's something on it that she can't tell."

"Agree ako sa sinabi ni Kuya. . . . but just like what I said, we didn't even know Ally, even Mama didn't want us to know her,” I agree with my Kuya.

There are only three of us here talking about what happened. Sam knew it all but of course, she always kept.

Sam crossed her arms and thought carefully. She's been there for us, always.

“It's been 10 years since Tito died, at yung taong pinagbigyan niya ng puso niya ay ayaw nila na ipaalam sa inyo. Also, the nightmare has been happening for 10 years.

Don't you think it's weird?” Sam comes up with a conclusion, “What if connected yung dalawang ‘yon? kasi kahit nagsa-suffer na si Tita, ayaw niya pa rin sabihin sa inyo

Every single word that Sam said sinks into my mind.

"Oo nga, may posibilidad! Papa died because of a transplant surgery, where Papa gave his heart, but couldn't tell whom he had given his heart to. And that nightmare, Mama can't tell that to us either. They are the same; they both can't tell that to us. Pwede natin sabihin na related talaga sila!"

Yung kung kanino ibinigay ni Papa ang puso niya at ang bangungot ni Mama. Mama knows everything but doesn’t want to say it!

"Exactly!" Sam agreed.

"No! Hindi ako papayag sa inyo."

The both of us, Sam and I, looked at Kuya because of what he said.

"Anong ibig mong sabihin, Kuya?" I asked.

"10 years ka lang. Ako, 15 years. . . . or should I say more than 15 years? I was 5 years old back then," he said, bago niya ako tiningnan ng mata sa mata, pero lumingon rin siya agad, “Binabangungut na si Mama bago pa mam•tay si Papa. I was there, and saw it all. Kitang-kita ko kung paano inalagaan ni Papa si Mama nung mga panahon na yun.”

And that startled us, makes us speechless too.

"At first, I didn't want to tell but now I have to. Furthermore, you figure out that nightmare by yourself. Ayoko ng itago pa 'yon," Kuya added, explaining himself.

"I understand."

I understand because he knows me well, pero naiinis ako sa kanya.

Tiningnan ko si Kuya ng matalim bago ko siya tinanong ng mahinahon kahit medyo naiinis, “Kung alam mo na lahat ng `to, bakit wala kang ginawa?”

“Petot, kumalma ka,” awat ni Sam.

“Sa sampung taon na alam mo `to, may nagawa ka ba?” Kuya asked me back without looking at me, nakatingin lang siya ng deretso sa harapan niya. “Wala, ‘di ba?”

He was calm, but I felt the hardship and suffering from his voice.

“Er. . . . Guys! Oo, pare-pareho tayong nag-aalala kay Tita pero ‘di natin kailangan mag-away, okay?”

Nakatingin lang ako kay Kuya habang nagsasalita si Sam, si Kuya naman ay seryoso pa ring nakatingin sa kalawakan.

“Ano na gagawin natin?”

“Petot . . .” And Kuya, this time, was looking at me, “ready ka na ba para malaman ang totoo? kasi ako hinihintay lang kita, matagal na akong handa.”

After his sentence, the only thing that came up in my mind was Sam’s offer the whole thing, so I looked at her. She gave me a smile, saying that she has already planned what to do and all she needs is our permission to do it.

Pinilit kong ngumiti, “Go ahead, Sam.”

"I have my private investigator, magpa-imbistiga na ba tayo." Sam offered.

Kuya looked at Sam, "How can we do that? Kung kami nga mga anak niya, Ally lang na kaibigan niya ang alam."

"We can do that, Kuya. We can check our Mama's background. Katulad nung kung saang school siya nag-aral, especially kung sino ang mga naging kaklase o kaibigan niya ron."

"She's right, Tj." Sam while smiling at me.

Halos naging maghapon akong lutang sa mga subject ko. I couldn't do anything properly, I also don't eat all day because I don't know what to do with my Mama. I can't help myself.

"I know you're concerned about Tita, pero 'wag mo naman sanang pabayaan ang sarili mo. You didn't eat your breakfast or even lunch and it's about five o'clock in the afternoon, ano naghahabol ka ng ulcer? Bebo naman!”

I just realized that I met my boyfriend, and he was with me the whole time. We are walking on our way to his car and going home.

Sometimes it's good to have someone by your side; who is concern and taking care of you. I know I have my Kuya but of course, 'di rin naman pwede na lagi ako na lang, lalo na ngayon na may Zack na siya.

“Uy, Petot, answer me!”

“Oo, hinahabol ko talaga ang ulcer,” biro ko sa kanya.

“Ah ganun? Papak•m•tay ka na?” tanong niya, sarcastic, "Sige, papak•m•tay na rin ako. I want to die first."

I frowned, looking at him, "Bakit naman? Kasi 'di mo kaya na mawala ako? He! Ang luma na nun, Al!"

"I wouldn't argue that I don't want to lose you, but he ka rin! Hindi ka yun ang banat ko."

"Oh, sige, ano?" I asked, while laughing.

"Kakausapin ko si San Pedro or ang head ng mga heaven na 'wag ka tanggapin sa langit!"

I looked at him, expressionless, and slapped his arm so hard, "Oh, talaga ba?"

He laughs and clings his both arms to my arm. He also put his head on my shoulder acting so cute.

"Joke lang naman, Bebo. Gusto ko pa magka-anak, oh!" Sabay alis ng ulo niya sa balikat ko at parang nagdo-drawing na ngayon sa hanging. "Ang saya nun!"

Natigilan ako saglit sa paglakad, habang siya ay dire-diretso lang. Pero nung na-realize niya na 'di niya ako kasabay, ay agad siyang lumingon at hinanap ako.

"Why did you stop?" he asked, "Right, Bebo?"

I didn't mind what he asked and instead, I asked him, "Bakit mo sa akin sinasabi 'yan?"

"Kasi girlfriend kita. I date you to marry." And he laughed, "I know na korni na naman, and probably you would say that I really owned a cheese factory but though we just got together, I always dreamed of myself having a big family with you. Like, nakikita kita in the future as my wife."

Sa lahat ng naging banat niya, dito lang siguro ako kinilig ng ganito.

For some reason, I couldn't help but smile.

"Uy, uy! Ngumiti na siya, kinikilig ka 'no?" asar niya sa akin.

I looked away, embarrassed, "Hindi kaya!"

"Well, you can deny that but I would never believe you."

I just looked at him again and gave him a raised brow, asking him.

"Tunay ba?" I asked him about what he said earlier.

"Oo naman! Gusto ko nga ng tatlong anak eh— or should I ask you first, Ilan ba kaya mo?"

I slapped his right arm, the one near me, "Al!"

"Okay, I get it." And this time he was having a serious face, right in front of me, "Kahit 'di na tatlo, basta may lalaki. Sayang naman kasi kung walang magmamana ng kagwapuhan ko."

I rolled my eyes in disbelief and just started to walk, passed him by, "Ewan ko sa 'yo! Umuwi na tayo!"

He ran to me and catched me up, "Wait, we will go home but you should eat first."

"Naku, kapag niyaya ako ay 'di ako nakain ng 'di libre." And I smiled at him, like an angel.

"Sanay na ako sa 'yo, Bebo. I always buy food for you."

"So sinasabi mo ba na treat mo?"

He nodded, "Yeah, just eat."

"Okay!"

I spent the rest of the day with him, we ate dinner. He brought me to the nearest restaurant in our school, and he treated me. We talked while eating and after eating, we walked for a bit as we talked about our life back then. And after that, he sent me home.

I said bye to him, because I didn't let him go inside because it's late already. And it's not good, so he should just decide to stay for not too long and go home too. Umalis lang siya ng makita niya na nakasarado na ang gate at kumakatok na ako sa pinto.

I opened the door. Agad na nagsalubong ang kilay ko ng makakita ako ang bisita este bwisita na nakaupo sa salas.

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?"

"Petot, hindi na rin siya iba sa akin, I used to call him Anak back then so, pinapasok ko siya," si Mama ang sumagot kung bakit nandito lang naman ang first love ko.

Lumapit na lang ako kay Mama at nagmano, "Mano po," sambit ko bago ako naglakad papunta ng kwarto.

"Petot. Let's talk, please?" Lauren stopped me by grabbing my hands.

Kakauwi ko lang galing school, ang dami ko na ngang problema dumagdag pa 'to.

I shook my head, "I need to rest."

As soon as I reached my room, I locked it before I changed my clothes. And I lay down on my bed.

"It's nice not to think of something and just be happy sometimes, katulad na lang ng nangyari kanina. `Di ba, Petot?" tanong ko sa sarili ko. "May magandang nangyari kani-kanina lang at masaya ako ro'n. Alam mo naman na ayaw mo, Petot, na mapaltan yun ng galit."

I sighed, and then decided to call Sam after. At kinuwento ko sa kanya ang buong nangyari. After kong sabihin lahat ng hinanakit ko, nagsalita si Sam.

"Kung wala lang talaga kayong pinagsamahan ng Lauren na 'yan, matagal ko na 'yang nasuntok! dUh. Petot, you have Al, right? Isn't he enough?" Sam replied on the other line.

I'm talking to her through the phone.

I sat down, "That's not what I mean. I have Al and he's enough, pero . . ."

"Pero ano, ayaw mo ng closure?" she continued what I'm trying to say, "but that's the only way to stop all of this."

"Hindi ko alam! Parang gusto ko na ewan."

"Luh! Ano raw 'yon?"

"Kasi naman! Gusto ko na matapos lahat ng pangungulit niya sa akin, ewan ko lang kung closure talaga ang sagot dun. So, ano? Makipag-usap pa ba ako sa kanya?" I kept asking her but to think, I think I should do it. "Pero sabi nga, 'di ba? Hindi mo malalaman kung 'di mo susubukan."

"Are you sure? Eh, kaya nga ayaw mong makipag-usap, 'di ba kasi ayaw mo nung salitang closure? Kasi sabi mo 'di ka handa sa magiging paliwanag niya sa 'yo, but are you sure to say everything?" I can hear how she took a deep breath, "But of course, it's up to you. Eh, kung hindi ka lang kasi naging marupok dati, e 'di sana walang ganito."

"Sam, hindi pagiging marupok ang tawag dun, pagmamahal 'yun! Naging marupok ako dahil nagmahal ako!" I protest.

"Ese, tigilan mo 'ko! Ganun din 'yun, pinaganda mo lang yung pag-explain."

"`Di kaya!"

"By the way, inaantok na ako. I have to sleep na, bye!" And then hang up.

I lay down on my bed once again, hugged one of my pillows and started to think again about what happened a while ago.