PORTION 43

Jaybi's POV

After a long day, we all decided to sleep early for tomorrow’s event, because we will go somewhere. Around 4 am when we woke up to go for a jog.

And now, it’s already 5:45 am. I'm looking at them, they are sitting and talking. Petot said to me that I should wait for her, because she will give me a sign. A sign because she said we, Sam and I, should spend these hours next to each other.

I don’t know what she’s thinking or planning, I just decided to go with the flow since I know she will not do anything that will make us feel destroyed.

Pero sa tagal nilang nag-uusap, naiinip na ako, kaya sinubukan kong lumapit ng kaunti. Not far, I can hear them.

"Sam, it's your choice. Ayo'ko sabihin na tama, ayoko rin sabihin na mali because it's your choice. . . . but I'm here for you," Petot said. And they hugged each other.

What are they talking about?

"But you know what? You will find smarter, more handsome, more talented and to be exact, better. . . . pero yung taong kahit saktan mo ng sobrang sakit, tatanggapin ka pa rin paulit-ulit? They are rare and because of that, keep them and treasure them," Petot keeps saying to Sam, "Anyone can love you, but not the same."

Though I'm not there the whole time, I know that Petot is worried. Petot stood up, put her hand on Sam's one shoulder and faced the back, facing me. She saw me looking at them, and it shocked me when she smiled..

She's looking at me and smiling, "Kahit sino kayang magmahal, pero hindi lahat kayang masaktan at tanggapin."

She walked away from Sam, but Sam didn't do any move. She went to me, "Sa buhay may mga bagay talaga na akala natin hindi natin kaya pero kaya pala, at syempre may mga bagay din na akala natin kaya natin pero 'di rin pala. . . . but above all, thank you. Thank you for loving my bestest friend, Jaybi."

I smiled, I didn’t expect this at all. Minsan ko lang makita si Petot na seryoso.

And now, it's already 6:00 am. The dark place begins to shine, it seems like the sun is starting to go up. I sat down beside Sam. I can't even imagine that I will sit next to her, because 5 years ago, I'm just far away looking at her while she's with Tj.

Napatingin ako sa mga kamay niya, I saw 2 rings.

"Where did this ring come from? Or who gave this to you?" I asked as I pointed out a ring from her 4th finger, a small diamond ring that looked so real that I thought I could not afford it.

Nakakagulat kasi nasa pala singsingan niya. I know the other one, it's their Trio Ring. . . . but that one is not.

"It is from Kurt, I want to keep it."

This is probably one of her choices that Petot’s talking about. If it's her choice, I'll accept it.

Nakita naming lahat ang pagliwanag ng kanina lamang ay madilim pa na kalangitan sa taas ng lawa.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Sam asked.

Maybe I'm not looking at her but I can feel she was amazed too.

"Yes, it is. Ganda talaga ng nature,” I answered.

You can see the bulkang taal here. It's just so small to look at, but inside this water you can see how big it is. And not just that, you can see how clean the water of this lake is. How fresh the air, and how blue could the sky be.

"It's good to be here, a place full of sincerity and love."

I slowly turned my head to look at her because of what she had said. I saw her clear-skin and beautiful face because she's looking at me, too.

Is she looking the whole time?

"I like this view, because I'm looking at you."

And that startled me, I immediately looked away.

I need to change the topic!

"What do you prefer, sunset or sunrise?" I asked without looking at her.

"To be with you."

Fvck!

I looked at her, embarrassed, “`Di ako nakikipagbiruan.”

“Mukha ba akong nakikipagbiruan?” she questioned me back.

“Samantha!”

“Jaybi!” asar niya pa.

I just sighed and looked away, and saw Tom and Nathan. Ngayon ko lang na-realize na sila ay naliligo pala sa lawa rito. So, i decided to change the topic and asked her na maligo rin kami katulad nila.

"Tara ligo?"

Narinig ko ang pagtawa niya kaya napatingin ako sa kanya, "Can't you see? I have this arm sling so I can't."

Parang gusto ko bumawi.

“Kawawa ka naman,” sabi ko sa kanya.

She gave me an expressionless face, “Talaga ba, Jaybi?”

TJ's POV

After that, we decided to go back and watch the sunset next to one another. We're here again, kanya-kanya kaming pwesto sa panonood ng sunset. . . . until everything become so dark.

I looked at my phone, it's already 7:30. Zack and I are here, doing star-gazing.

"Do you still remember what I had said before about the stars?" I asked while looking up to the sky where the stars are.

"Yeah, most of the stars are red dwarfs and red represents love. Love ang laging nangingibabaw. Why?" He gave me every detail that he could.

He still remembered. I know he's looking at me, that's why I looked at him.

“Your memories are awesome,” I complimented him. "Look around.”

Parehas kaming tumingin sa paligid namin.

"Masaya ako kasi masaya siya," I said while smiling and looking at my Precious, Petot, and his Precious, Al.

"They are happy, as friends." I looked at where Zack is looking, I saw Tom and Nathan.

They are happy too.

We looked at each other and then at Sam and Jaybi, "They are not together but they are happy."

There's a lot of definition of Love but there's only three words for me; Feelings, Happiness and Forgiveness. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko nakuha yung mga salitang yun, basta ang alam ko lang 'yan ang definition ng love sa akin.

Tumingin ako kay Zack, "Zack, what is love to you?"

"Love? It's you . . ." while looking at me with those genuine eyes.

As far as I remember, he answered me the same way before.

I love this! A day without problems, and being happy is enough already. I can't wish for anything right now but being with them.

Mga mag e-eight pm ng makauwi kami. Masaya kaming umuwi sa bahay ni Inay. I opened the door with a smile plastered on my face, and I saw my Mama looking at me. Those eyes of her saying that she's happy.

I went beside her and said, "Ma, can we talk?"

Mama widened her smile and nod. He held my hands, went to a room and talked there. Mama was sitting on the bed, while I decided to sit on the floor.

"Ma, Sorry.” Without looking at her. I just can't look at her, nahihiya ako.

"Para saan?”

I looked at her, “Ma . . .”

“Huy, Tj, nanay ako, ‘di ako manghuhula.”

I laughed, “Ma naman.”

“Gusto lang kita patawanin, ang seryoso mo kasi.” And Mama rubbed my head. “Saka alam ko naman, bata ka pa lang.”

“Seryoso po ba, `Ma?”

She looked at me in disbelief, “Ay, hindi, joke yun! Malamang joke yun!”

Hindi ko alam pero bigla na lang parang gusto ko umiyak, so I started sniffing.

“Ma, seryoso naman kasi ako.”

“Naku, naiiyak ang panganay ko,” she said, laughing. But then she stopped and said something so serious, “Alam ko naman talaga, ‘nak eh.”

I gave her my gaze, "Ma, alam mo po?"

“Nanay ako, eh.” And she laughs, "at saka baka may nakakalimutan ka?"

Natawa na lang rin ako ng sabihin niya ‘yon. Bigla kong naalala na meron nga pala akong chismosa at madaldal na kapatid.

"Even though nagsabi na sa akin si Petot, I keep quiet. Why? Because I want you to say that in front of me, gusto ko sa 'yo manggaling, and that day came." Habang hawak ang mga kamay ko.

"Ma . . ." And now, my eyes are starting to cry. "Ma, sorry, sumaya ako sa paraang ayaw mo."

Mama shook her head, “Ano ba, anak? Hindi kita pinalaki ng ganyan. Ay, naku, sanasabi ko sa ‘yo, ah? Bakit mo naisip yun? Yung pagiging bl fan ni Petot, ‘di ba suportado ko yun? Binibilhan ko pa nga ng merch minsan, eh. Kaya bakit?”

“Dahil siya ang bunso, ang favorite.”

I saw how her eyebrows furrowed, she was shocked and confused at the same time.

“Yun ba ang nararamdaman mo sa tuwing magkakasama tayo?”

“Hindi naman po sa ganun.”

“Ang tanong ko ay answerable by yes or no, ‘di ko kailangan ng explanation mo. Kaya sagutin mo ‘ko, ganun ba ang nararamdaman mo?” she repeated.

“Ma, sorry . . .” I put my both hands on my face, covering it. Humagulgol ako, at isang yakap ang naramdaman ko. “Feeling ko kasi minsan mas mahal niyo siya, ‘di lang ako nagrereklamo kasi alam ko panganay ako at—”

“Anak, tigil.” Ang tighten her hug on me, also the reason why what i’m trying to say was cut off.

“Ma, sorry talaga.”

Mama unhugged me, put her hands on my cheeks, causing me to look at her, “Tj, hindi. Walang may mas, mahal ko kayo pareho. Nagsisisi lang kasi ako na hinayaan ko siya na magmahal sa murang edad, ‘di ko inalala ang sakit na pwede niyang maramdaman, katulad nung sakit na naramdaman ko nung nawala ang papa mo. Sayo nakita ko na tumapang ka dahil sa first love mo, habanag siya ay sobrang nasaktan, ang kabaliktaran mo. Naramdaman ko kasi na mas kailangan niya ako kesa sa ‘yo, kaya mas binigyan ko siya ng attention kesa sa ‘yo, at na-spoiled ko pa ata ang katappid monung may manligaw ulit kasi hinayaan ko, masaya siya eh. Pero ‘wag mo isipin na mas mahal ko siya. Mahal kita, TJ, sa punto na hiniling ko sa kanya na kapag may nabalitaan siya na may nililigawan ka, gawan niya ng paraan na ‘wag muna dahil ayaw kitang masaktan. Kaya ‘wag mong sisihin ang kapatid mo, ah? `Wag mo rin isipin na mas mahal ko sya kesa sa ‘yo, mahal ko kayo pareho. Si Mama ang may mali, ‘di ko namalayan yun. Patawarin mo si Mama, Anak.”

“Ma, sorry kung ganun ang naisip ko. Akala ko kasi talaga aayawan mo,” I said, crying.

“Gusto niyo, kaya gusto at tatanggapin ko.”

“Ma . . .” Iyak ko.

“Ay naku, tumigil ka na, ang pangit mo umiyak!”

“`Ma!”

Mama just sat down on the bed again, and looked at the atmosphere.

“You looked grown up, but you’re still a cry baby.” And laugh.

I wiped all the tears away and stood up, “I’m a grown-up person.”

"You are,” she said, “You were a shadow that turned into a person.”

Because of what Mama had said, nakakunot noo ako, "Shadow?"

"You were the shadow of your Papa before. Lagi ko siyang nakikita sa ‘yo, pero simula nung makilala mo yung first love mo, ay! nagbago ka bigla! Naging mas mature ka sa pag-iisip, mas matapang at naging palaban. I've never met that girl, but I never stopped saying thank you to her," she explained, "After a year, nung nawala ang Papa mo, mas naging matapang ka nun at tumayo ka talaga bilang kapatid at kuya ni Petot, that I've never imagined. Ikaw yung laging nagpo-protekta at nagmamahal sa kapatid mo, syempre except si Sam dun. And I'm proud to have a son like you."

The happiness that I have right now is priceless.

"But I'm gay," I said.

She just laugh again, "There is no such thing as gay or lesbian, they are just inlove. You are just in love."

And that's the reason why I burst into tears again.

"Ma, Kuya! Kakain na!" Petot shouted.

Mama hugged me, "Minahal, minamahal at mamahalin kita sa kung ano ka kasi anak kita."

"Oh, siya! Tayo mo riyan, magpunas ka ng luha, at kakain na tayo," sabi ni Mama pagkatapos niya umalis sa pagka-kayakap sa akin at tumayo na. Tumayo na rin ako at sabay kaming lumabas ng kwarto.

Sobrang saya ko na meron akong Mama na katulad niya!