Chapter One Hundred Ten

Standing close to the guest room window, I felt the chilly city air fan my face. Without a blanket over my shoulders, I would freeze to death. I watched the sparkling city lights and the never-ending sounds. It was two in the morning, and the streets were full of life. I would have found the scene enjoyable if my mind wasn’t troubled by a hundred different emotions.

Thanks to Becky for having a three-bedroom apartment so I could have a separate guest room. That day’s events were bizarre and too overwhelming. My mind was all over the place, and I needed time to rearrange my thoughts and think of my next step.

“Can I come inside?” Desmond knocked at the ajar door.

“Yes, please,” I said, repositioning my blanket more fashionably. The most dominant thoughts in my mind were about Desmond. There was so much that needed to be said.

Desmond walked inside, closing the door behind him. My eyes remained glued to the window. I could hear him slowly approaching me. There was tension and hesitation in his steps. Fear was new in his confident personality. It was strange and exciting at the same time because I had only seen him that way with me. Although in the face of danger, he was still a fearless warrior.

“I apologize for revealing my abilities to your mother and everyone else.” Desmond joined me at the window. “I expected them to freak out, but I wasn’t expecting constant screams, ramming their heads into the wall, throwing the bible at me, and_”

I suppressed a smile, recalling the chaos. “Yeah. It was intense and mildly comical. But I don’t blame you for doing it. You didn’t know Mom would pass out twice. They are dealing with it now. Plus, Derrick woke up fine before Mom could see him in that condition. So, everything is well.”

“Great. I have been avoiding getting anywhere near them,” said Desmond. “I think they are doing the same because they have locked themselves in one room and haven’t tried to speak to you. Will they ever feel safe in my presence?”

“We are being hunted by creatures we can’t see or control. Without you, we are as good as dead. They have no choice but to accept you. You are the only one who has helped us so far,” I spoke, locking eyes with Desmond.

“So, I am not evil for you anymore?” Desmond’s face lit up with hope.

I looked away, embarrassed and uncertain about my response. “Do I have to tell you how I feel when you can read my mind? My thoughts are usually pretty loud. I am sure you know what I see you as now.”

“Loud is an understatement. I can hear you scream in your head quite often.” Desmond smirked and stopped immediately upon noticing and feeling my unamusement. “You don’t think I am evil anymore, but you’re at war with yourself about how you should feel about me and what we should be.”

I lifted my eyes in surprise. That was exactly what was going through my mind. I felt exploited and exposed in a way. “There you have it. Do I even need to speak? Ask a question and learn the answer in my thoughts. I’ll keep quiet from now on.”

Desmond grabbed my chin and made me look up. “Of course, you need to speak. We don’t always act on what we think. Whatever comes out of your mouth is final. I wish to hear what you want to accept. Even if it’s exactly what you’re thinking, I still want to hear it from your beautiful mouth. Everything becomes special when you say it.” I touched my chest. My heart was pounding rhythmically for Desmond. There was so much I wanted to say and do, but fear of more disappointment held me back. “You’re the most magnificent person I have ever met, Cass.” Desmond stroked my chin with his thumb, and his face fell. “Just like I can hear your thoughts now, I also heard the sheer disappointment when Benedict slipped out of my trap. In that moment, yours wasn’t the only heart that broke. I felt your pain equally. When I realized I was chasing the wrong demon, I took out all my anger on him. The last thing I wanted was to disappoint you, and if I weren’t afraid for your safety back at the Rothslor manor, I would have done anything to find Benedict and Jane and bring them back with me. Forgive me, Cass. You have already gone through so much. I give you my word to find them and get your revenge soon. Their fate depends on whatever you choose for them.”

Desmond’s words gave me so much hope, but that’s not what I cared about the most. What truly troubled me were my mixed feelings for him. He was a demon whose actual appearance was more frightening than the monsters of my childhood nightmares. Knowing all that, I still wanted and loved him.

Why wasn’t Desmond pointing out that thought in my head?

“Don’t beat yourself over that. Benedict is very clever. There was no way you could have known about his next move, especially when his thoughts were protected by magic,” I spoke coldly, avoiding looking directly into his eyes.

My actions and words needed to contradict my feelings because my heart was on the verge of giving up all control and becoming one with the person it longed for.

“Cass, you are very generous. Still, I feel ashamed of myself. I claim to love you endlessly and unconditionally, yet I have let you down countless times. You’re wondering whether you should stay with me. I say don’t. Romantically, I don’t deserve another chance,” said Desmond, shocking me.

“No, no. Why are you saying that? Don’t ever say that again,” I exclaimed. Something became clear to me at that moment. I didn’t want him to give up on us.

“I am surprised you don’t agree with me. Our relationship began with a contract. I lied to you about who I am. The outer beauty you see in me is not even my reality. My actual face makes you shiver. I had agreed to free you from witchcraft, but I haven’t done anything about that as well, despite getting a chance. Shall I go on about the dozen other things that prove I am a cheat and not worthy of your love and attention?” said Desmond.

Until a moment ago, I didn’t know Desmond could think badly of himself. His expression of so many insecurities made him seem more like a person and less like a spirit who wanted to control everyone and everything with his powers.

“Stop. How dare you take the entire blame on yourself?!” I cried. “I signed that contract willingly. You didn’t pressure me into anything. You never once forced me to pleasure you. I failed to keep my end of the bargain many times and used your powers to my advantage. I am way worse than you in that way.” The icy outward behavior wasn’t working anymore. I had to speak my heart out. “You may have made mistakes, but I am not perfect either. Look at what I did. Twice, I put your life in danger, and you still forgave me. I kissed another man just to make you jealous. Didn’t that make you hate me? How did you control yourself from hitting Charles?”

“I don’t care who you kissed, Cass. We aren’t together anymore, so you are free to be with whoever you want,” began Desmond. “Don’t you see it? I only hit Mason because he dared to kiss you without your permission. Charles, however, didn’t force that onto you. That’s why I didn’t intervene.”

“It didn’t hurt you to watch me with another man?” I asked, expecting and wanting a possessive answer from him. “Answer honestly.”

“Honestly?” The painful answer reflected in Desmond’s moist eyes. I couldn’t see a glimpse of the old, emotionless demon in him. “When I watched you with Charles, my insides curled in pain. I wanted my body to explode right there and then so that I didn’t have to tolerate that sight anymore.”

“Oh my God, Desmond.” I muffled my cries with my hands.

“Cass, please don’t cry over my pain.” Desmond cupped my cheeks. “I brought this on myself. I lost you because of my ego and pride. Demons think they can control humans and their worlds. I thought the same. I thought you would never leave me because you need me. Because of my powers, I thought any human competition was irrelevant. I was so wrong. That’s why I have let go of the need to control anymore. I will never abuse my powers again. The power of my love for you is much greater than any of this.” Desmond wiped a rolling tear from my cheek. “But that wasn’t all, Cass. Deep down, I was always insecure that a human man might steal you from me. That’s why I tried so hard. I tried to make you addicted to me and help you in ways no one else could so that you would pick me over anyone else. I didn’t realize when my obsession made me lose control.” The pain in Desmond’s eyes intensified. “Charles isn’t an evil man. I checked his past. He may be related to Benedict, but he isn’t a criminal or a Satanist. You should consider pursuing a relationship with him or anyone else. They are all better and handsome than me. I am nothing but a wicked demon full of lies and vain. Don’t worry. I will help you regardless of who you choose as your new romantic partner.”Desmond smiled weakly, making my heart melt.

Desmond turned around and began to walk away.

“No!” I ran up to him and clung to his body from behind. “I don’t care what you look like. You’re the most handsome for me. Don’t leave me, please.”

“But Cass.” Desmond removed my hands from his body and turned around to face me. “I have let you down.”

“Let me down?” I yelled in pain. “You’re the only one who hasn’t let me down. In every situation where I have felt helpless, you are the only one who has been there for me. You lied to me because you feared judgment from me. I don't care whether you are a demon or an incubus. I don’t care. All I know is I have fallen for you, and you are the only one I can trust.”

Before Desmond could speak, I attacked his mouth with a deep kiss, expressing all my bottled-up emotions and feelings for him.

“Cass, stop!” Desmond pushed me away. “You’re not thinking straight. It is not right. You know your judgment becomes impaired when we do this. Sex is where it all started, but my feelings for you are way more than that. I love your soul and your heart, not just your body.”

“Shut it,” I said, forcefully kissing him again. “I am kissing you because this is what feels right. Kissing only you is what feels right, not Charles or anyone else. You are the one I want, Desmond. I know you are a demon and what you look like, and I fully accept and love that. I decide to stay with you. Tell me your decision because from now on, I don’t want to be apart from you for another minute.”