Chapter 224: The Kiss

Chapter 224: The Kiss
Chapter 224: The Kiss

SERENA'S POV

I climb the steps to the building, feeling his eyes on me the entire way. When I reach the door, I don't know what came over me.

But I can't help myself anymore.

My hand hovers over the door handle, trembling slightly as I try to force myself to go inside, to end this moment before it becomes something I can't take back. But every fiber of my being is screaming at me to turn around, to look at him one more time, to do something about the electricity that's been building between us all night.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to summon the strength to walk away. Think about Damon, I tell myself desperately. Think about your relationship, your promises, your commitment. Think about everything you stand to lose if you turn around right now.

But then I hear Gabriel's footsteps on the cobblestone path, the sound growing fainter as he begins to walk away, and something inside me snaps. The thought of him leaving, of this moment ending with nothing but words and unspoken longing, becomes unbearable.

Before I can second-guess myself, before I can think about the consequences or the guilt or the way this will complicate everything, I whirl around.

"Gabriel, wait!" I call out, my voice carrying more desperation than I intended.

He stops immediately, turning back to face me with surprise written across his features. "Serena? What's wrong?"

I stand there at the top of the steps, looking down at him in the moonlight, and for a moment I can't find the words. What am I doing? What am I about to do? This is madness, complete and utter madness, but I can't seem to stop myself.

"I..." I start, then stop, shaking my head. "I can't do this."

"Can't do what?" Gabriel asks, taking a step closer to the bottom of the stairs.

"I can't pretend anymore," I say, my voice breaking. "I can't stand here and act like I don't feel what I feel for you. I can't watch you walk away and pretend that my heart isn't breaking."

Gabriel's expression intensifies, and I see something shift in his eyes. "Serena..."

"No, let me finish," I say, taking a shaky step down the stairs. "You were right. I have been running from this, from you, from the way you make me feel. But I'm tired of running. I'm tired of fighting something that feels so real, so powerful."

Another step down. Gabriel hasn't moved, but I can see the tension in his posture, the way his hands are clenched at his sides.

"I know this is wrong," I continue, my voice getting stronger with each word. "I know I'm with Damon, and I know I should go inside and forget about tonight. But I can't. I can't forget the way you looked at me during that dance, or the way your voice sounds when you say my name, or the way you make me feel like I'm the only person in the world."

I'm halfway down the steps now, and Gabriel is watching me with an expression I've never seen before – hope and desire and something that looks almost like reverence.

"I've never felt this way about anyone," I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. "Not even Damon. And that terrifies me, but it also makes me feel more alive than I ever have before."

"Serena, what are you saying?" Gabriel asks, though from the way he's looking at me, I think he knows exactly what I'm saying.

"I'm saying that I'm about to do something incredibly stupid," I say, taking another step down. "Something that's going to change everything between us, and I don't know if I'll be able to live with myself afterward."

I'm at the bottom of the steps now, standing just a few feet away from him. The moonlight illuminates his face, and I can see the conflict there – the desire warring with concern, the longing mixed with restraint.

"You don't have to do anything you'll regret," Gabriel says softly, but there's something in his voice that tells me he wants me to do exactly what I'm thinking of doing.

"I know," I say, taking one final step toward him. "But I also know that if I don't do this, if I don't at least try to show you how I feel, I'll regret it for the rest of my life."

We're standing so close now that I can feel the warmth radiating from his body, can smell that intoxicating scent of sandalwood and something uniquely him. My heart is pounding so hard I'm sure he can hear it.

"Serena," Gabriel says, my name sounding like a prayer on his lips. "Are you sure about this?"

"I'm not sure about anything anymore," I admit, reaching up to touch his face. His skin is warm beneath my palm, and I feel him lean into the touch. "But I'm sure about you. I'm sure about the way you make me feel."

Gabriel's eyes flutter closed for a moment, and when he opens them again, I see something that makes my breath catch. Raw need, desperate longing, and something deeper that I'm not ready to name.

"If we do this," he says, his voice rough, "there's no going back. Everything changes after this."

"I know," I whisper, and I do know. I know that kissing Gabriel will shatter something inside me that I might never be able to repair. I know it will complicate everything with Damon, will make me question everything I thought I knew about love and loyalty and commitment.

But I also know that I need this kiss more than I need my next breath.

"I know," I repeat, and then I rise up on my tiptoes and press my lips to his.

The moment our lips touch, the world explodes around us. Every nerve ending in my body comes alive, every supernatural sense I possess goes haywire. Gabriel's lips are soft and warm and perfect against mine, and when he responds to the kiss, deepening it with a hunger that matches my own, I feel like I might actually die from the intensity of it.

His hands come up to frame my face, his fingers threading through my hair as he pulls me closer. I can feel the restraint in his touch, the way he's holding back, and it makes me want to push him further, to see what happens when that careful control finally snaps.

I press myself against him, my hands fisting in the fabric of his vampire costume as I pour everything I've been feeling into this kiss. All the longing, all the confusion, all the desperate need that's been building between us for weeks. Gabriel makes a sound low in his throat, something between a groan and a growl, and the sound sends fire racing through my veins.

His hands slide down from my face to my waist, pulling me impossibly closer as his mouth moves against mine with increasing urgency. I can feel the strength in his arms, the way his muscles bunch and flex beneath my hands, and it makes me dizzy with want.

This isn't a gentle, tentative first kiss. This is desperate and hungry and raw, like we're both drowning and this kiss is our only source of air. Gabriel's lips are demanding against mine, and I meet that demand with equal fervor, my mouth opening beneath his as the kiss deepens further.

I can taste him now – something dark and intoxicating that makes my head spin. His tongue traces the seam of my lips before sliding against mine, and I actually moan into his mouth. The sound seems to break something in him, because suddenly his hands are everywhere, sliding down my back, gripping my hips, pressing me so tightly against him that I can feel every hard line of his body.

My supernatural senses are going wild, picking up things I've never noticed before. The way his heart is racing, matching the frantic rhythm of mine. The way his breath hitches when I nip at his lower lip. The way his entire body seems to be vibrating with barely contained energy.

I've never been kissed like this before, never felt this level of connection with another person. It's like Gabriel is awakening something in me that I didn't even know existed, something wild and primal and completely beyond my control.

His hands slide up my ribcage, his thumbs brushing against the sides of my breasts through the fabric of my costume, and I arch into the touch with a gasp. The sound breaks us apart for just a moment, both of us breathing hard as we stare at each other in the moonlight.

"God, Serena," Gabriel breathes, his voice rough and strained. "You have no idea what you do to me."

"Show me," I whisper, surprising myself with my boldness. "Show me what I do to you."

Something flickers in his eyes, something dark and dangerous and completely enthralling. His hands tighten on my waist, and for a moment I think he's going to pull me closer, going to kiss me again with that same desperate hunger.

But then he's spinning us around, pressing my back against the stone wall of the building. The cool stone is a shock against my heated skin, but it's nothing compared to the way Gabriel's body feels pressed against mine, solid and warm and utterly masculine.

"Is this what you want?" he asks, his voice low and rough as he braces his hands on either side of my head, caging me in. "Because once we start this, I don't know if I'll be able to stop."

"I don't want you to stop," I breathe, reaching up to pull his mouth back down to mine.

This time, when our lips meet, it's with an urgency that borders on desperate. Gabriel's mouth is hot and demanding against mine, and I can feel the careful control he's been maintaining finally start to crack. His hands slide down to grip my hips, pulling me harder against him, and I can feel the evidence of his arousal pressed against my stomach.

The knowledge that I'm affecting him this much, that I'm making him lose control the same way he's making me lose control, sends a thrill through me that I've never experienced before. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer, deeper, wanting to get lost in this moment and never find my way back.

Gabriel's mouth moves from my lips to my jaw, trailing hot kisses along my skin that make me shiver despite the warmth of his body. When he reaches the sensitive spot just below my ear, he bites down gently, and I actually cry out, my nails digging into his shoulders.

"You taste incredible," he murmurs against my skin, his voice sending vibrations through my entire body. "I've been thinking about this for weeks."

"Just weeks?" I manage to gasp out, tilting my head to give him better access to my neck.

"Months," he corrects, his mouth moving lower, finding the pulse point at the base of my throat. "Since the first moment I saw you."

His confession sends heat pooling low in my belly, and I find myself pressing closer to him, wanting more contact, more friction, more of everything. Gabriel seems to sense my need, because his hands slide up to cup my face again, bringing my mouth back to his in a kiss that's somehow even more intense than the ones before.

I can feel myself getting lost in him, in the way he tastes and smells and feels pressed against me. Every rational thought in my head is being overwhelmed by pure sensation, by the way Gabriel's hands feel on my skin, by the way he's kissing me like I'm the only thing keeping him alive.

This is what I've been running from, I realize dimly. This overwhelming, all-consuming connection that makes everything else fade away. This is what I've been so afraid of, and now that I'm experiencing it, I understand why. Because this doesn't feel like just attraction or infatuation. This feels like something that could destroy me and rebuild me all at once.

Gabriel's hands have moved to my waist again, his fingers tracing patterns on my skin through the thin fabric of my costume. Every touch sends sparks through my system, and I find myself arching into him, wanting more, needing more.

"Serena," he breathes against my lips, and there's something in his voice that makes me open my eyes, makes me look at him.

What I see there takes my breath away. His green eyes are dark with desire, but there's something else there too – something that looks like awe, like wonder, like he can't quite believe this is really happening.

"You're so beautiful," he whispers, and the sincerity in his voice makes my heart clench. "So perfect."

I want to tell him that he's wrong, that I'm not perfect, that I'm making a terrible mistake that's going to hurt everyone involved. But before I can say anything, he's kissing me again, and all coherent thought flies out of my head.

This kiss is different from the others – deeper, more intimate, more connected. Gabriel's mouth moves against mine with a tenderness that makes my chest tight, and I find myself melting into him completely. This isn't just physical anymore. This is something deeper, something that scares me even more than the raw desire.

When we finally break apart, both of us are breathing hard, our foreheads pressed together as we try to catch our breath. The air between us is charged with electricity, and I can feel the supernatural energy crackling around us like a visible thing.

"Jesus," Gabriel breathes, his voice shaky. "That was..."

"I know," I whisper, because I can't find words for what just happened between us either.

We stand there for a moment, just breathing, just trying to process what we've done. I can feel the reality of the situation starting to creep back in, the weight of what I've just done settling over me like a heavy blanket.

I kissed Gabriel. I kissed him, and it was everything I'd imagined and more. It was passionate and desperate and absolutely perfect, and it's also the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life.

"Oh god," I whisper, the full impact of what I've done hitting me all at once. "Oh god, what have I done?"

Gabriel's hands tighten on my waist, and I can see the concern in his eyes. "Serena, it's okay—"

"No, it's not okay," I say, panic starting to set in. "None of this is okay. I have a boyfriend, Gabriel. I have a boyfriend who loves me and trusts me, and I just—" I can't even finish the sentence.

"Hey," Gabriel says gently, his hands moving to cup my face. "Look at me."

I force myself to meet his eyes, and I see nothing but understanding there.

"You didn't do anything wrong," he says softly. "We both wanted this. We both needed this."

"But Damon—"

"Doesn't have to know," Gabriel finishes quietly. "This can be just ours."

The suggestion should make me feel better, but it doesn't. It makes me feel worse, because it means Gabriel is asking me to lie, to keep secrets, to betray the trust of someone who's never been anything but good to me.

"I can't," I whisper, shaking my head. "I can't do this. I can't be that person."

Gabriel's expression crumbles slightly, but he nods. "I understand."

"Do you?" I ask, because I need him to understand, need him to know that this isn't about him, it's about me and my inability to handle the intensity of what I feel for him.

"I do," he says simply. "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for putting you in this position, for making things complicated for you."

"You didn't make anything complicated," I say, reaching up to touch his face one more time. "I did that all on my own."

Gabriel leans into my touch, and for a moment, I think about staying here, about exploring this connection between us and seeing where it leads. But then I think about Damon, about the promises I've made, about the person I want to be, and I know I can't.

"I have to go," I say, pulling my hand away from his face.

"I know," Gabriel says, stepping back to give me space.

I turn toward the steps, but then I stop and look back at him one more time. "Gabriel?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you," I say softly. "For tonight, for everything. But I can't... we can't..."

"I know," he says again, and there's a sadness in his voice that makes my heart ache. "I know."

I nod and turn away, practically running up the steps to my home. My hands are shaking as I fumble with the door handle, and I can feel Gabriel watching me the entire time.

When I finally get the door open, I slip inside quickly and close it behind me, leaning against it as I try to catch my breath. My lips are still tingling from Gabriel's kisses, my skin still burning from his touch, and I can still taste him on my tongue.

What have I done? The question keeps echoing in my head as I slide down the door to sit on the floor. I've just kissed another man while in a committed relationship. I've just experienced the most intense physical connection of my life with someone who isn't my boyfriend.

And the worst part is, I don't regret it. I should regret it – I should be consumed with guilt and shame and the need to confess everything to Damon. But all I can think about is the way Gabriel's lips felt against mine, the way he held me like I was precious, the way he made me feel like the most important person in the world.

I press my fingers to my lips, still feeling the phantom pressure of his mouth against mine, and I know with absolute certainty that my life has just changed forever. There's no going back from this, no pretending that what happened between Gabriel and me was just a moment of weakness.

I'm in love with him. The realization hits me like a physical blow, and I actually gasp out loud. I'm in love with Gabriel, and I have no idea what I'm going to do about it.

But I can't help myself anymore.