Chapter 23 Scared

Chapter 23 Scared
Chapter 23: Scared

Ava’s POV

I didn’t plan to go to Ethan.

That was the truth.

I didn’t wake up that morning thinking, I’ll find him and talk.

I didn’t put on my uniform thinking, Today I’ll lean on him.

If anything, I told myself the opposite.

I told myself I was fine.

I told myself I was strong.

I told myself I didn’t need anyone.

But sometimes… life doesn’t listen to what you tell it.

It just keeps pushing.

The day had already gone wrong before lunch.

I sat in class, staring at the paper in front of me, my pen hovering uselessly above it. The questions blurred together. Words I had studied suddenly felt unfamiliar, like they belonged to someone else. My head ached. My body felt heavy. My ankle still hurt from before, a dull reminder that I hadn’t really healed—inside or out.

When the teacher called time, my chest tightened.

I knew I hadn’t done well.

I knew it before I even handed the paper in.

As I walked out of class, I heard it.

Not loud.

Not meant for me.

But it still reached me.

“Some people only survive because someone rich is backing them,” a girl whispered to her friend behind me. “Must be nice.”

I froze for half a second.

Then I kept walking.

Because what else could I do?

By the time lunch came, I wasn’t hungry.

That scared me more than the hunger ever did.

I sat alone, poking at my food, listening to the noise around me. Laughter. Talking. Normal lives happening all around me. I felt like I was watching everything through glass.

My childhood crush waved at me from across the room. He smiled. I smiled back.

But it felt… distant.

Like something from a past that no longer fit me.

And then I saw Ethan.

He was leaning against a pillar near the exit, talking to someone. Calm. Controlled. Like always. He didn’t look at me.

And something inside my chest twisted painfully.

Because a part of me wanted him to.

I left the cafeteria early.

I didn’t know where I was going. My feet just carried me forward, down quiet hallways, past empty classrooms. I ended up near the sports field, where the noise faded and the air felt open.

I sat on the lowest step of the bleachers.

And that was when it hit me.

Not loud crying.

Not sobbing.

Just this heavy, crushing feeling in my chest.

Like I was tired of holding myself together.

I pressed my hands into my eyes, breathing slowly. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I hated crying. It made me feel weak. It made me feel small.

I survived by not being small.

But my throat tightened anyway.

I heard footsteps.

Slow. Familiar.

I didn’t look up.

I didn’t need to.

I knew it was him.

Ethan stopped a few steps away from me. He didn’t speak right away. He never rushed things. That was something I had noticed about him. He waited. He observed.

Finally, he said quietly, “You disappeared.”

I let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t mean to.”

Silence again.

Then, “Why are you here?”

I swallowed. My voice came out small. “I don’t know.”

That was the truth too.

I stood up, brushing my hands on my skirt, suddenly aware of how close he was. I avoided his eyes.

“I didn’t come to ask for anything,” I said quickly. “I just needed somewhere quiet.”

“I know,” he replied.

That made my chest ache.

Because it meant he understood.

We stood there, the wind moving gently around us. I could feel his presence like a solid wall beside me. Not threatening. Just… there.

“I’ve been avoiding you,” I said suddenly.

He didn’t deny it. “I noticed.”

“I’m not doing it to hurt you,” I added. “I just… I don’t know how to exist when someone sees me like that.”

He turned to face me fully. I forced myself to look up.

His eyes weren’t cold.

They weren’t angry.

They were serious.

“What did you think I saw?” he asked.

I laughed softly, without humor. “Everything I don’t want anyone to see.”

He waited.

So I kept going.

“My wounds. My hunger. My fear. How tired I am all the time. How… poor my life is.” My voice shook. “I worked so hard to survive alone. And then you saw all of it.”

I hugged my arms around myself. “Being cared for like that scares me. Because if I get used to it… what happens when it stops?”

He was quiet for a long moment.

Then he said, “You think I help people temporarily.”

“I think people leave,” I corrected. “Eventually.”

Ethan stepped closer—not touching me, just close enough that I could feel the warmth of him.

“I didn’t step back because I stopped caring,” he said. “I stepped back because I thought you were asking me to.”

I blinked. “You were watching?”

“Yes.”

That made my heart pound.

“I don’t know how to care halfway, Ava,” he continued. “If I’m in your life, I’m there. Fully. And I won’t apologize for that.”

My throat burned.

“That’s what scares me,” I whispered.

I looked away, tears filling my eyes again. “I survived before you. I keep telling myself that means I should survive without you.”

“And does it?” he asked gently.

I didn’t answer.

Because the truth was… I was tired.

For the first time, I didn’t feel small standing next to him.

I felt seen.

And that was terrifying.

But it was also… safe.

Maybe safety didn’t have to mean weakness.

Maybe it could mean rest.

I didn’t know what would happen next.

But for the first time, I didn’t feel like I had to face it alone.

And that scared me less than I expected.