Chapter 5 Chapter 3 (i)
Fae
I snickered. It was a secret open to anyone though it traveled through whispers. My pitiful friend mooching off of me in between opening her legs to any man who could pay.
Then my lips trembled. However crass it might sound, but that same person was married now to Carl. She didn’t need to do that anymore, right? But he didn’t know. He mustn’t have. She had supposedly stopped when I took her in. Supposedly. It was a long while later when I realized she still did it, prostituted herself for cash. But I didn’t judge her. I wasn’t disappointed. I pitied her more. There must be some needs she just couldn’t ask from me, I thought. What did I really know? But I didn’t confront her—I didn’t know what to say. What could you say to someone who did that? I could never get it, and I was only grateful I never had to feel that same need because even in his grave, my father protected me.
But what about Carl? Was he aware and still married her in spite of it? It only confused me more. He should be told… but I would seem prejudiced if I did it myself. On the other hand, if he knew and still accepted Sarah, then he truly loved her. And I couldn’t think about that anymore.
Oh god, I was going to hate myself tomorrow. I would look at my life and see how I really had no one. I would see how naïve and stupid I was because Sarah was able to fool me so many times. Noone also tried to date me. It might be because I had been busy in my studies and when I apprenticed—oh fuck it. That was a lie. I wasn’t ever interested in any other man than Carl. I blew over someone who even hinted they want to go out with me. I hid behind my other friends Pam, Joana and Kasey. This was all on me.
Tonight, I would hate my situation. And Tom, for the creepy maniac that he was. Sarah’s sex buddy, the one she sneaked into my condo during the last bar exam review week. God, the unit reeked of sweat and sex and I had to spring clean the next day.
As stressed as I could be, I couldn’t think of sex to de-stress. And if I must? I would un-must if Tom was the last man on Earth to fuck.
Oh god. I was drunk. Just thinking of this man and… eww. Akh.
But still… Tom and Sarah… and Sarah and Carl.
I stopped my dry heaving. It wasn’t amusing anymore.
Carl deserved someone better.
If he didn’t like me, he could have fallen in love with someone else. Sarah wasn’t it. She didn’t love him. I snickered again. Of course, she just—
Tom laughed, too, at something I might have said. Or something he might have said. I knew nothing. I was not listening. He was noise to me, like any other noise in the bar.
He was blocking my way. I couldn’t leave.
He was a nuisance.
I was about to tell him not to bother with me. But when I turned to him, I felt his hand press on the small of my back.
I straightened, annoyed. I didn’t like that he was touching me or that he was that close, especially after he bent down and whispered to me. “We can talk better in a place where there are no other people,” he said.
I laughed. Drunk I was—but not drunk enough.
I would only go with one person, and that was Carl.
But—Eureka!—he was married! I was not a homewrecker… so I had no one else to go with. I would go upstairs and cry forever. That was the only forever I believed in now, and nothing else would change my mind!
But Tom continued chattering. A litany inside my head that I didn’t care to hear.
“Fuck. Off… plishh,” I interrupted. He was too close that I could smell his body sweat under the cologne, and I cringed, remembering what he and Sarah did to my couch, and my bed. And it occurred to me—she might have done that deliberately.
Why? Because Sarah hated me.
How long had she started hating me? Why would she hate me like that? What did I ever do to her to make her hate me like that?
Tom was saying something as he tried to ply me down my high stool, and I lost patience with him.
“God… willu jesh leave mealone?!” I shrieked at him.
Suddenly, someone was speaking coldly from my other side. “What the hell are you doing, Tom?”
And I laughed again. Of course. I couldn’t feel any happier to hear his voice. Mr. Damage Control.
Jigo finally came near enough to rescue me.
Thank fuck.
But as I turned to my rescuer, I realized I hadn’t gotten off the stool yet. And I staggered, out-of-balance, sliding to the side. I was about to face-plant on the floor.
Jigo smoothly held me up. I felt his hand grab my dress and pull me up before I could slide all the way down.
“I’m just talking to Fae,” I heard Tom justify himself just as I tried picking up my heart from where it landed at the bottom of my stomach. That fall would have been very painful, really. I was having a mini-heart-attack. Jigo’s arm was around my waist, securing me in place atop the stool. I grabbed his chest to hold on to, not even surprised how wide and solid it felt.
And tough.
Jigo had always looked solid. Now I knew that he really was solid.
I could feel it.
This was the first time I got near him like this. We’d danced. He could really dance. But during the time, I was too conscious about making a mistake (it was a cotillion after all) that I didn’t even think to feel him up like this. Not that I was feeling him up like that. I wasn’t a pervert or something like that. I just couldn’t help it because he had just rescued me from the floor and I needed to appreciate the merchandise.
“Whuduhellwas I even shaying?”
“I’ll get you back to your room,” I heard Jigo say. “Just hold on a moment, Fae.”
I nodded. “Thank. You.” Then I didn’t hesitate to lean onto him because he was strong. Like a stone wall.
Hmm. Nice.
“No...” I interrupted as the two continued to argue, and I realized what Tom was saying. “Non-non-non-no. He didn’t just want to talk, Jigo. He wanted to bringee where none else was… like… as if I would go withim?!” I tried telling him the real story even though there were two tongues inside my mouth and they were trying to stick to each other. Shit. Tequila could do that. Yes.
“C’mon, man. Fae and I are friends,” Tom insisted.
I laughed. It was a happy, tinkling sound. Much like the shot glasses behind the bar. “Ohh, don’t lie. No-we’re. Not!”