Chapter 33 Chapter 17 (i)
FAE
I had three close friends who had no connection to Carl or his circle.
Joanna had been my best friend since high school, and we attended the same university. I met Kacey during college. Pam, on the other hand, I encountered at a party after we had both ditched our blind dates and ended up chatting at a bar until the early hours.
It turned out that Pam and I were studying at the same university, although in different colleges. After I introduced Kacey to Joanna and Pam, they immediately hit it off. Joanna worked as an accountant, Kacey was a businesswoman, and Pam was a doctor. We were all in our mid-twenties. And single ladies.
It was hard to say how significant this was, as my friends were not only beautiful and intelligent but also had successful careers. Kacey and Pam loved going out, so they often joined Joanna. Carl was my excuse for being single, obviously. The three of them regularly went on dates, but there would always be something that didn't click. They wanted to find boyfriends, but every time they tried, there were always issues. Perhaps the four of us were content with our friendship and no man could match that bond.
None yet.
We briefly touched on Sarah's two-faced nature, of course. While they knew her, they weren't particularly close. Sarah was peculiar to others especially that there were controversial rumors surrounding her. But they had accepted her without judgment in the past as she was my friend. Obviously, not anymore now.
Of course, we also discussed the advantages of being single and independent to validate our status, using Carl and Sarah's situation as an example.
"I mean, who wouldn't feel relieved, right? Finally! You're no longer relying on something you shouldn't have relied on. Now you know it's just a hopeless dream." I allowed Kacey to playfully stroke my hair like a puppy because I knew it comforted her more than me. Although, to be honest, I felt a bit hypocritical because my mindset had changed so much since Carl's wedding weekend on the island. Even though my eyes welled up with tears several times since then, it all felt distant nowm overshadowed by my experience with Jigo.
But they didn’t know that.
"Beshie, you have to find a way to move on. You've had a crush on him since you were a teenager. You're a grown-up now."
"Exactly! Just imagine, huh? If you ended up with a guy who was so weak that he gave in to just one Sarah, he would eventually be snatched away by someone else. Oh, you escaped a worse heartache, right?" Joanna added. "So let's see it as a good thing that it's over."
"I know, right?" Pam seconded Joanna. "That's true, you never even got to experience him." She noticed the disapproving looks from Joanna and Kacey. "I mean, now you'll realize that there are other guys who are even better, right? If only you’d had sex with him?" Joanna and Kacey gave her a sterner look. "I mean... see? You can have fun and flirt with other guys without any distractions."
Kacey playfully slapped her arm. They all knew I had been saving myself for Carl.
But the truth was, I was holding back my laughter. I let them express their sympathy for those feelings to pass quickly—as if I could tell them about Jigo and that my virginity was no longer intact. I'd tell them later, but not now. I wasn't ready to share Jigo with anyone yet, especially with my friends who would surely overthink it more than I would and analyze and worry themselves to death of the potential consequences of my impulsiveness.
And then I’d go back to worrying about it myself.
"It doesn't matter. Kacey is right. There are plenty of other men out there," I said, trying to comfort my friends. Except they thought I was trying to comfort myself.
Kacey immediately perked up. "See! We can take you to parties again, but this time, you can hook up with someone! Let's go to a nightclub! Now that Carl is no longer taking up all your free time—"
"You mean stalking," I interrupted.
Kacey playfully hit me while she went on and on. "You'll start noticing hot guys around you. It was because of Carl that you've been closed off to potential connections—especially potential boyfriends! Can you believe it? We're already in our mid-twenties and you still haven't had a boyfriend ever? At least the rest of us have had some experience," I said.
It was true. Until that first night with Jigo, I was the only one among the four of us who was still a virgin.
"I'm fine. Okay, okay, we'll go out," I promised. "I can have fun and meet other guys now. I don't have a job anymore so, until my next job, I have plenty of free time. Why not?"
My friends stared at me.
Oops. Too much.
"Guys," I said with a sigh, "even though it still hurts, I'm not so broken that I don't know what I need to do to heal from what happened. I'll be alright. I’ve resigned and moved to this more spacious and prettier condo. Those are two things that will help me stop thinking about the insensitive and the bitch….” I sighed. “Now... I have to start meeting new people to fill the void in my life."
We all moved, and there we became... a group hug.
"We'll always be here for you," Pam said, kissing my head.
“Aww,” I aww-ed.
"Yes, we'll do whatever it takes to help you recover," Joanna added.
"Above all... it's time to party...!" Kacey teased.
While we laughed, Kacey went to the kitchen to get the second bottle of tequila, cut fresh lemon slices, and refill the small bowl with salt.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I managed to hide from them that I wasn't as miserable anymore. It was a good thing they didn't even suspect that there was another man involved...